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barreiroj's favorite FMLs
Today, I discovered that the laser disc player I used to have was not in fact a laser disc player but a Pioneer Laseractive. Broken ones sell on eBay for $200 and working ones sell for around $1000. I sold a working one for less than $100-worth of credit at a second-hand store. FML
by Sad Nerd / 04/02/2014 at 4:20am / United States (Arizona) / Money
Today, for our 25th anniversary, my husband and I had dinner on a cruise ship, a dinner we had been planning for months. Upon boarding, I realized the expensive dress that I had bought just for the occasion had exactly the same print as the chair covers and the carpet. The cruise lasted 8 hours. FML
by Why / 04/02/2014 at 4:13am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
by derped-out sperm / 04/01/2014 at 5:41pm / Ireland / Kids
Today, my girlfriend and I were snuggling and we placed our hands together, palm to palm. I can bend the tips of my fingers over hers, which apparently surprised her because she commented, "Huh, so big hands AREN'T related to penis size." FML
by Anonymous / 04/01/2014 at 2:06am / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy
Today, I was at a wedding reception with loud music. A guy told me that his sister couldn't be there because she "went home to be with her boy." I said, "That's too bad, she's missing a great party." He paused and repeated, "She went home to be with her LORD." FML
by Anonymous / 03/31/2014 at 12:43am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
by and not even in the good way / 03/30/2014 at 4:36pm / United States / Kids
by ohdear. / 03/29/2014 at 7:07pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Work
Today, I was watching last week's episode of The Walking Dead with my girlfriend. When the gang leader explained the rules of the group to Daryl, I reached over, grabbed my girlfriend's boobs and yelled, "Claimed!" She shot back, "Yeah, they are. But not by you." FML
by the other guy? / 03/29/2014 at 5:57pm / Australia (Western Australia) / Love
Today, my parents and I attended the funeral of my husband's mother. It was open-casket, and my parents went to take a look. My mum muttered, "With a dress that tacky, no wonder she died", and my dad chuckled. A fight quickly erupted, and the police were called. FML
by disgusted / 03/29/2014 at 5:31pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 03/28/2014 at 4:30pm / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous
Today, I took my 12 year-old to the orthodontist. While I was talking to the dentist about what was needing to be done, my daughter listened. With a straight face, the dentist joked, "Yeah, we're going to need to rip off her entire jaw." My daughter won't leave her room anymore. FML
by Anonymous / 03/27/2014 at 8:09pm / United States (Ohio) / Kids
Today, I wanted to try seducing my boyfriend by having nothing but a t-shirt on for when he'd get back from work. He came home, saw me, apologized bashfully for failing to knock first, and went back outside. FML
by oops / 03/27/2014 at 7:10pm / United States (California) / Love
Today, I was sitting in the coffee shop where my boyfriend and I used to go before he broke up with me about a week ago. I was missing him and wishing he was there, when all of a sudden this 14-year-old kid comes up to me and says, "He's not coming, you may as well go home." FML
by Anonymous / 03/27/2014 at 7:03pm / Canada (New Brunswick) / Love
by bonbon789 / 03/27/2014 at 2:10pm / United States / Health
by athletiks / 03/26/2014 at 6:39pm / United States (Washington) / Health
- Today, I spent the day at the ER with my fiancé. He'll be fine and is home resting. When I called… Today, I forgot my headphones at home, which wouldn't be so bad if I didn't have to be in the third… Today after growing suspicious I asked my "girlfriend" if I'm her "on the side" guy and she started…