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barreiroj

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barreiroj
  • Town/Country : Trapped in the internet, Stuck in a black hole
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 157
  • Number of comments : 3
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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barreiroj's favorite FMLs

Today, I wanted to try seducing my boyfriend by having nothing but a t-shirt on for when he'd get back from work. He came home, saw me, apologized bashfully for failing to knock first, and went back outside. FML

#21097985
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39575) - you deserved it (5590)

On 03/27/2014 at 7:10pm - love - by oops (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was sitting in the coffee shop where my boyfriend and I used to go before he broke up with me about a week ago. I was missing him and wishing he was there, when all of a sudden this 14-year-old kid comes up to me and says, "He's not coming, you may as well go home." FML

#21097979
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39715) - you deserved it (5418)

On 03/27/2014 at 7:03pm - love - by Anonymous - Canada (New Brunswick)

Today, I wanted to eat my last bowl of sugary cereal before starting my new diet. I fell down the stairs with the full bowl in hand. Message received, universe. FML

#21097759
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35859) - you deserved it (6760)

On 03/27/2014 at 2:10pm - health - by bonbon789 - United States

Today, someone on Instagram posted a picture of himself with gym lifting straps around his neck. I commented "autoerotic asphyxiation" and now a 250-pound bodybuilder wants to kill me. FML

#21097153
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19878) - you deserved it (33329)

On 03/26/2014 at 6:39pm - health - by athletiks (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, while working at Dairy Queen, a customer asked me what was so special about our ice cream cakes, and how they're different from regular cakes. I chuckled, and told her it's because they're made from ice cream. She threw a fit, which resulted in me being written up and sent home early. FML

#21096589
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36766) - you deserved it (5226)

On 03/25/2014 at 11:53pm - work - by Coryj1220 - United States (Kentucky)

Today, due to a combination of boredom and a faulty hair dryer, I now have singed pubes and burned balls. FML

#21096245
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17525) - you deserved it (42619)

On 03/25/2014 at 5:20pm - intimacy - by testacular (man) - United Kingdom (Plymouth)

Today, I learned the hard way that when I ask a cute girl if she's artistic, it sounds like I'm asking her if she's autistic. FML

Today, I was at Walmart and had to use the bathroom. I sat down and farted real loud. I didn't realize someone was in there with me until I heard a voice say, "Dude, that was a good one." It was a man's voice. I then realized I was in the men's restroom. FML

#21095689
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45181) - you deserved it (10998)

On 03/24/2014 at 11:39pm - misc - by dani (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was ordering a pizza over the phone. When the guy asked for my order, I yelled "Hey, you guys wanted pepperoni, right?" In reality, I was yelling this to my cat. College hasn't made me many friends so far. FML

#21095295
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38905) - you deserved it (7434)

On 03/24/2014 at 4:01pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)

Today, I went to a coffee shop. As I headed over to stand in line, I tripped over my own feet. I got back up, then tripped up yet again. Everyone was staring, and I was so mortified that I went to leave. I then struggled with the door under their glares before realising it opened the other way. FML

#21094549
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38789) - you deserved it (5611)

On 03/23/2014 at 7:02pm - misc - by butterbody - United Kingdom

Today, my brother tried to pay me to teach him how to French-kiss, so he wouldn't screw up on his first date. I'm shocked that the weirdo managed to get a date in the first place. FML

#21094457
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37440) - you deserved it (3503)

On 03/23/2014 at 4:25pm - love - by doesn't fuck on the first, thank god (woman) - United Kingdom (Southend-on-Sea)

Today, my dad took me to a bar for my first legal drink. He quickly got "drunk" and started slurring that I was an accident, saying the only reason I'm alive is because he'd been too poor to pay for an abortion. As I started crying, he burst out laughing and said soberly, "Just kidding, son." FML

#21092859
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41620) - you deserved it (5190)

On 03/21/2014 at 6:35pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Australia

Today, I went to a paintball match with my family and the family of my brother's girlfriend. A few minutes into, my brother's girlfriend's dad snuck up on me, unloaded into me from behind, and snarled, "That's for knocking my daughter up." He got the wrong guy. My back is killing me. FML

#21092834
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36685) - you deserved it (2741)

On 03/21/2014 at 5:44pm - health - by iusedprotectionanyway (man) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, a tiny worm was wriggling across the screen of my Mac laptop. I tried to wipe it away with my thumb, but it just kept crawling. Turns out the worm lives *inside* my screen, beneath the glass. FML

#21092367
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39882) - you deserved it (3756)

On 03/21/2014 at 1:14am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I bought a new bra and panties and modeled them for my boyfriend. I thought he liked them, until mid-way through feeling me up, he decided he'd rather give me a massive wedgie. FML

#21068474
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40942) - you deserved it (6017)

On 02/22/2014 at 1:13pm - intimacy - by coppervains (woman) - United States (Louisiana)



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  • "If drawing stuff is the food of love, then get a better pencil." That's not a real expression, I just made it up because I needed a good opening line. It's not even that good of an opening line, but…

Thursday 10 April 2014

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