Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

barnmaster98

Search for a member

barnmaster98

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Friday 25 December 1992 (21 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 1816
  • Number of comments : 23
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About barnmaster98 : i love reading these but it's only on my itouch

Add me as a friend on YouTube www.youtube.com/barnmaster98

barnmaster98's page activity

Visits<b>Effulgence</b> - the 09/08/2014 at 11:42pm<b>YouMadBra</b> - the 06/01/2014 at 3:49pm<b>Federgirl</b> - the 05/02/2014 at 10:43am<b>XRAZANX</b> - the 01/17/2014 at 6:38am<b>OnlyAvailableID</b> - the 08/19/2013 at 1:51am<b>thebestintheworl</b> - the 02/05/2013 at 7:44pm<b>theholc</b> - the 01/24/2013 at 12:00am

barnmaster98's FML badges

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

50 favourites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!

Consolation prize

Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.

See all of barnmaster98's badges

barnmaster98's favorite FMLs

Today, I had to collect my daughter from the hospital. Her boyfriend was even more upset than she was, because his iPhone's screen was damaged beyond repair when the doctor pulled it out of my daughter's vagina. FML

#19631928
475 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47165) - you deserved it (4370)

On 05/16/2012 at 12:10pm - intimacy - by smart move there (woman) - Ireland (Kildare)

Today, I really had to pee while babysitting. Normally this isn't a problem, except the kids were sleeping and going potty would wake them up right before their parents were due home. Desperate, I decided to pee in a cup in the kitchen and wash it down the sink. Their parents came home mid-stream. FML

#19615151
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7910) - you deserved it (41092)

On 05/13/2012 at 2:26am - work - by fired - United States (Oregon)

Today, my wife told me she was pregnant. I don't remember having sex since last year. FML

#19611188
253 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34452) - you deserved it (5267)

On 05/12/2012 at 10:42am - intimacy - by rj - United States (Kansas)

Today, I was getting coffee with my aunt, and she asked me to pay. She then turned to the Barista and said, "He's never had a girlfriend before, and I wanted to show him that they take your money." The Barista laughed so hard she had to excuse herself. FML

#19603666
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21078) - you deserved it (1878)

On 05/10/2012 at 6:20pm - love - by brannonjames - United States

Today, while showering with my boyfriend, he asked if something was weird about his penis. Naturally, I looked closer. As soon as I did, he sprayed my face with urine. This is only the beginning; we just moved in. FML

#19586096
362 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46131) - you deserved it (8848)

On 05/07/2012 at 5:42am - intimacy - by quirrus (woman) - United States

Today, I got my colonoscopy results back. I had hoped they'd show what's been causing my stomach pains for the last few weeks, but instead it turns out that my colon is healthy and normal. I basically got cornholed for no goddamn reason. FML

#19583210
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18364) - you deserved it (3719)

On 05/06/2012 at 5:57pm - health - by billiams15 (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend and I were making love. I was really close to climaxing, when he suddenly stopped, smirked, and said, "Hang on, I'm buffering." FML

#19580511
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30370) - you deserved it (3541)

On 05/06/2012 at 2:39am - intimacy - by Kwalker3 - United States (California)

Today, while at the store, I realized how socially inept I am when I said "excuse me" to a shopping cart because it was in my way. FML

Today, I was making love to my boyfriend, when he said "I love you, baby." I told him to go deeper, but instead of doing so, he decided to completely kill the mood by stopping and saying it again in a Barry White type voice. FML

#19388939
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22112) - you deserved it (9312)

On 04/01/2012 at 2:38pm - intimacy - by anonymous - United States

Today, I visited my gynecologist. As she had her fingers inside me she decided that was the perfect time to say, "I absolutely love your socks!" FML

#19379891
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20239) - you deserved it (2933)

On 03/31/2012 at 12:22am - health - by GetHardOrGoHome - United States (Ohio)

Today, my girlfriend decided to pleasure me with a handjob. It was incredibly painful because she didn't understand that my foreskin isn't as flexible as she thought it to be. I didn't have the heart to tell her to stop until she asked, "Is it supposed to turn this color?" FML

#19336672
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27754) - you deserved it (10484)

On 03/24/2012 at 1:30am - intimacy - by purple - United States (Texas)

Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. Let's just say pubes and toilet paper residue were the least of my problems. FML

#19330918
324 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47128) - you deserved it (4590)

On 03/23/2012 at 1:55am - intimacy - by mrricecakes (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, while I was cuddling with my girlfriend, she looked at me and leaned in. Thinking she was going to kiss me, I leaned too. Just as we were about to kiss, she screamed "COW KISSES" and somehow managed to lick my eyeball. FML

#19297004
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26545) - you deserved it (4422)

On 03/17/2012 at 10:32pm - love - by Brian - United States (Washington)

Today, I was sitting on the couch with my fiancé, when he jumped up and viciously sat on my face. I then heard, smelled, and tasted the most violent, horrific fart known to man. I still can't get the taste out of my mouth, and he can't stop laughing. I'm getting married to this guy. FML

#19275580
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26017) - you deserved it (12694)

On 03/14/2012 at 1:18am - love - by anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, on my way to work, I had to squeeze by a man sitting in a large truck parked next to my car. I was in a bit of a hurry and in my rush the collar of my shirt got caught on his grill. My shirt ripped and I flashed the guy my entire boob. FML

#19261756
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24666) - you deserved it (3958)

On 03/12/2012 at 12:28am - work - by titillating (woman) - United States (California)



Korrig'Anne's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Korrig'Anne's illustrated FML
  • So, have you ordered it? Have you got it? No? Yes? Do you have any idea of what I'm talking about? OK, for the normal people, I'm talking about the new iPhone 6. Apparently, it came out today. I'm not…

Friday 19 September 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: