Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

barfcannon

Online | Search for a member

barfcannon

8Liked!

barfcannonbarfcannon
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 21 December 1993 (21 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 1589
  • Number of comments : 77
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 9 posted

About barfcannon : I am into mythology, surrealism, geometry, home décor, winter, animals, yoga and art + art history.

Some of my more mainstream interests are Harry Potter, Family Guy, Adventure Time, Game of Thrones, the first 10 seasons of The Simpsons and freaking sweet puns.

Also I always thought I was a practical sort of person but seeing basically all my interests listed out confirms everyone else's opinions that I'm a huge flaky dreamer.

All my friends moved out of my city after college so I'm in need of more friends in my life so send me a message!

barfcannon's page activity

Visits<b>atrumX</b> - 15 hours ago<b>SlowDownImaNoob</b> - yesterday at 7:42am<b>jjmack34</b> - the 02/23/2015 at 12:46am<b>floup</b> - the 02/17/2015 at 2:22pm<b>JessMac9000</b> - the 02/14/2015 at 6:09pm<b>ThePoonSlayer</b> - the 02/11/2015 at 10:47am<b>Watermelon2011</b> - the 02/10/2015 at 11:08pm<b>ScarletCrimson</b> - the 02/10/2015 at 1:36pm<b>ItsAlly</b> - the 02/10/2015 at 1:31pm<b>AsianxChris</b> - the 02/10/2015 at 10:57am<b>Loomunati</b> - the 02/10/2015 at 8:40am<b>Cayers97</b> - the 02/10/2015 at 6:22am<b>Joshbrar</b> - the 02/10/2015 at 3:33am<b>LilMsDulce</b> - the 02/10/2015 at 2:49am<b>Pstraka6</b> - the 02/10/2015 at 1:22am<b>kylie128</b> - the 02/09/2015 at 11:19pm<b>AlwaysWatching</b> - the 02/09/2015 at 11:19pm<b>raceirvin</b> - the 02/09/2015 at 10:28pm

Liked!<b>SlowDownImaNoob</b> - yesterday at 1:42pm<b>Mornai</b> - the 02/10/2015 at 4:11am<b>joshtapp</b> - the 02/10/2015 at 3:29am<b>AirBusDriver</b> - the 02/09/2015 at 12:34am<b>brittaaany_93</b> - the 01/19/2015 at 8:10am<b>Exodiafinder687</b> - the 01/10/2015 at 12:54am<b>mansfield_j</b> - the 01/08/2015 at 8:58pm<b>robertd73</b> - the 10/28/2014 at 1:56pm

barfcannon's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

See all of barfcannon's badges

barfcannon's favorite FMLs

Today, I learned that when I leave skid marks in the toilet my wife uses my toothbrush to remove them. FML

#15598918
276 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33555) - you deserved it (45216)

On 04/02/2011 at 1:03am - misc - by Toothy (man) - United States (California)

Today, my cat died while walking around the kitchen. He had a heart attack when the toaster popped out two slices of bread. FML

#14753781
277 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49155) - you deserved it (4002) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/29/2011 at 3:09am - animals - by Anonymous - France

Today, I caught my daughter attempting to stick pencils up our cat's butt. FML

#14029442
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39260) - you deserved it (4899)

On 11/29/2010 at 10:03pm - kids - by Laura -

Today, my best friend was fired from the place we both work at because she's a bad employee. After they fired her she said, "If I go, I'm taking my best friend with me." So they fired me too. I actually liked that job. FML

#13958382
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33224) - you deserved it (3685)

On 11/24/2010 at 3:45am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I noticed that my wife changed her status on Facebook to "widow" and a lot of strange guys commented saying stuff like "Finally." Last I checked, I'm not dead. FML

#13352571
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42871) - you deserved it (2894)

On 10/07/2010 at 6:10am - love - by Alex - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I received a bouquet of flowers. I thought they might be from my crush, so I excitedly opened the card. It was from my druggie ex-boyfriend, who apparently can't move on with his life even after three years. The contents of the card? "Baby, I got you like a habit, and I can't give you up". FML

#8250207
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21847) - you deserved it (3132)

On 02/14/2010 at 1:52pm - love - by RosesAreRed (woman) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, some drunk dude broke into my house while my parents were out. Scared, I asked him what he wanted, his response was "cookies." FML

#7264308
184 comments

Today, my pet hedgehog thought it would be funny to roll around in the kitty litter. It was like washing a poopy cactus. FML

Today, I was on a long-haul plane journey home from my holiday. After 5 hours, I decided to stretch my arms whilst watching a movie. Little did I know that a little girl was approaching, running down the aisle as my arm stretched out. I accidentally clothes-lined a little 9 year old girl. FML

#7203649
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27477) - you deserved it (3607)

On 01/07/2010 at 7:25pm - misc - by James4929 (man) - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend gave me my first compliment in months. Apparently my body spray makes me smell like a stripper. He then asked me if he could "park the beef bus in tuna town". FML

#6718371
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20165) - you deserved it (3770)

On 12/12/2009 at 2:28am - intimacy - by Laura_2118 (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I was attending a drug-free lecture at school. The speaker said, "There are many ways to quit smoking. You can try patches, gum, or even quitting cold turkey. Any questions?" I raised my hand, and she called on me. I asked, "How does cold turkey help?" And then I realized. FML

#6683898
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8299) - you deserved it (35758)

On 12/09/2009 at 7:53pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I realized that the drunk-me deletes my texts, so the sober-me doesn't get mad. Well turns out, whatever the drunk-me said, caused me to lose my job, my girlfriend, and my coffee machine. FML

#6100010
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11966) - you deserved it (45098)

On 11/01/2009 at 11:35am - misc - by Joe (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I got an email from the company that manages my cat's microchip informing me that I had to update my information that had been entered by the local Humane Society. Apparently, they listed my cat "Coral" as the owner, and me as the pet. To change it, they needed the cat's signature. FML

#5663418
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48606) - you deserved it (3939)

On 10/05/2009 at 3:23pm - animals - by APetsPet (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I told my girlfriend I have only one testicle. Her reaction? "Eeew, balls are gross!" I'm glad to know I'm only half as gross as other guys. FML

#5463165
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21729) - you deserved it (2961)

On 09/25/2009 at 7:13am - intimacy - by lone_ranger (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I woke up from a nap on my new bed to see my phone lit up with new texts. My friend sent out "Wanna test out my new bed?" as a mass text while I was asleep to every boy in my phone. Mark will be here in an hour, Jon wants to know what I'm wearing, and my ex's new girlfriend is not amused. FML

#5378920
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37154) - you deserved it (3457)

On 09/20/2009 at 7:19pm - misc - by Anathema_360 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)



FML's blog

  • FML's badges: pointless but essential!
  • If you're a regular on FML, it probably means that you're a member. Whatcha mean you're not a member? Right, for a start, run along and create yourself an account. Doing so will allow you to comment on…

Monday 23 February 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: