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Today, a very good platonic friend of mine said he had a question to ask me. Jokingly, I threw my arms around his neck and said 'Oh yes, yes, a thousand times yes!' When I sat back down, I saw tears in his eyes, and he said 'You've made me the happiest man alive' as he pulled a small box out of his coat. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14954) - you totally deserved it (58246)
On 08/06/2009 at 5:25pm - love - by dundundadumb (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I found out that my son is not really gay. He just told me that so I'd let him have girls in his bedroom. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13035) - you totally deserved it (49532)
On 07/17/2009 at 10:00pm - kids - by Pumpkin (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I was pulled over for speeding. I speak 4 languages and thought if I spoke French, the Officer would let me off with a warning thinking I was a tourist. Afterwards I turned to my wife and said "I can't believe that worked." He was a few feet away and heard. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5354) - you totally deserved it (57744)
On 07/17/2009 at 6:40pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)
Today, while going through airport security the lady asked why I folded everything so small. I said that I was going away for a month and needed to fit a lot of stuff in only one bag. She smiled, nodded and then dumped my luggage to search for "drugs and other illegal teen things." FML
I agree, your life sucks (35248) - you totally deserved it (1343)
On 07/16/2009 at 7:39pm - misc - by search_me (woman) - United States (South Carolina)
Today, I was at the beach and I met a surfer with scars all over his back. Trying to make conversation, I asked "So how'd you get those cool scars? Coral?" To which he replied "Horrific childhood abuse, actually. But yeah, they're pretty cool." FML
I agree, your life sucks (39982) - you totally deserved it (18158)
On 07/09/2009 at 10:08am - love - by Anon (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, I was walking around town with the girl I have loved for four years and have been 100% faithfull to. A random girl thought it would be funny to approach me and pretend she was the girl I was seeing, and that I was cheating on her. My girlfriend believed her and broke up with me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (52681) - you totally deserved it (2033)
On 07/05/2009 at 1:59am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I had to take a leak, so I went into a porta-john. I noticed another man's hand under the door with a cell phone. Angered, I aimed my stream at his hand and phone. He tilted the porta-john over in response. It was full. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32175) - you totally deserved it (12909)
On 07/02/2009 at 12:13am - misc - by S4L - Sent from a mobile version
Today, I met with a friend who had gained some weight since I saw him last. After a friendly hug, I put my hand on his new man boob and, without thinking, left it there way too long. I realized that I was groping him and, in a panic, did the only thing I could think of. I patted it. Twice. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8976) - you totally deserved it (30858)
On 06/30/2009 at 6:19pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)
Today, I was at the mall with my boyfriend and 2 friends. My uncle passed by me in the mall. He said "What are you baby-sitting or something?" He pointed to the merry-go-round. My boyfriend was sitting on the giraffe yelling at the top of his lungs. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29857) - you totally deserved it (7213)
On 06/29/2009 at 11:41am - misc - by merkris (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, while walking in the mall, I had two people race past me in wheelchairs. Thinking they were racing, I started rooting for the one guy that was ahead. Turns out his wheelchair was malfunctioning and the other was chasing after to help. He then slammed and fell into the water fountain. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24342) - you totally deserved it (8365)
On 06/20/2009 at 10:29pm - misc - by meantowheels (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, one of my good friends confided in me about the affair she is having with our boss. She'd been sleeping with him for 3 months and told me they were in love, but it had to be kept quiet due to our company's very strict anti-fraternization policy . I'd been secretly seeing him all year. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38575) - you totally deserved it (13971)
On 06/20/2009 at 1:14pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Mexico)
Today, I was enjoying some much needed serenity while I ate lunch in an empty park. To my surprise, an older, clean cut man in a suit sits on the bench next to me. Without saying a word, he unleashes the most foul of farts I've ever witnessed, gets up, gives me a nod and leaves. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42241) - you totally deserved it (2070)
On 06/16/2009 at 2:15am - misc - by Tim (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I rode my bike to work. While biking on the road, I gave a hand signal for turning left. A car passing the opposite way veered towards me and attempted to give me a high five. I now have cuts all over my body and my bike is in two pieces. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45978) - you totally deserved it (2006)
On 06/15/2009 at 10:13pm - misc - by Shaun (man) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, as my boyfriend and I were messing around in his room he took off my underwear. As he was about to go down on me I spread my legs to help out then he looked up at me and said, "You got some toilet paper left behind." FML
I agree, your life sucks (26658) - you totally deserved it (38937)
On 06/14/2009 at 12:14am - intimacy - by BarbieKen (woman) - United States (Arizona)
Today, I was volunteering at a zoo event for special needs kids. My job was to dress up in a kangaroo costume and greet the kids. One kid came up and said "You're not real!" and kicked me in the nuts. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36434) - you totally deserved it (2547)
On 06/13/2009 at 10:42am - kids - by Hackmanjones (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
