bagofootball75

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bagofootball75

0Fucked!

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  • Number of visits : 730
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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50 favourites

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bagofootball75's favorite FMLs

Today, I met my wife's other husband. FML

by bmonehh / 11/24/2009 at 3:20pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, I was walking on the boardwalk with my mom when an old man came up and asked me to marry him. He promised he would buy me a Mercedes if I did. The man was homeless and delusional. My mom told me I should take the offer because it would be the best offer I could get. FML

by ellie / 11/23/2009 at 1:09pm / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous

Today, my 6 year old daughter asked me if the tooth fairy was real. I said yes, and she said she wanted to try to catch her. Later, she pulled out a tooth and put it under her pillow. I came in to take out the tooth and replace it with money. There were mouse traps behind her pillow. FML

by snapped / 11/12/2009 at 11:19pm / United States (Virginia) / Kids

Today, I saw an article that Burger King is selling a whopper with seven patties in celebration of the Windows Seven release. Upon reading this, I immediately got an extremely forceful erection. I think this is a sign to stop putting off that diet. FML

by Brian / 10/26/2009 at 12:25am / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy

Today, I carved a pumpkin for Halloween. I thought it would be cool to carve my name, and have it shine through onto the wall behind it. I figured that if I carved my name backwards then it would show up correct on the wall. My name's Lana and now my wall says Anal. FML

by Anonymous / 10/23/2009 at 1:22am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, while cleaning up, I dropped a box of thumbtacks, spilling them all over the floor. As I fumbled to pick them up, the power went out. FML

by Ouchies / 10/01/2009 at 6:31pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, was my first day at Military School. When our commander walked into the sleeping quarters, instructing us all to get up and stand at the foot of our beds. I had morning wood. To which the commander wasted no time in adressing in front of the rest of the room. FML

by Lukev7 / 09/12/2009 at 9:14am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was driving in the left lane and was suddenly hit by a woman who was in the right lane. I ran off the road, taking out a fence and totaling my car. When the cops asked the woman what happened she responded, "My tom-tom told me to turn left." FML

by Anonymous / 09/10/2009 at 12:36pm / United States (Montana) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me by sending me a Bumper Sticker on Facebook that said "Bitch, let's get married". FML

by mylifesucks / 08/30/2009 at 12:40pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love

Today, I went outside a friend's house to find that my car had been saran wrapped. I cleaned it up and went back inside the house. An hour later, I heard a doorbell ring so I went outside the house. They saran wrapped my car again. FML

by bear92 / 06/19/2009 at 12:25am / United States (Virginia) / Transportation

Today, I bought my cat a nice big bag of expensive anti-hairball catfood, so she'd stop puking hairballs on my things. After eating it, she started running around wildly, howling and projectile vomiting on EVERYTHING. FML

by Jay / 06/06/2009 at 9:17am / United States (Illinois) / Animals

Today, I told my morbidly obese teacher that he had mustard on his chin. He tried to wipe it off and I said without thinking "No, your other chin." FML

by anonymous / 04/21/2009 at 1:42am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, at the dinner table my parents were talking to my younger sister about her new boyfriend and how they should be taking it slow. My sister then pointed out that that's not what I do. My dad said, "Believe me I know- your sister's easier to get into than community college." FML

by Noname / 03/13/2009 at 4:54pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up at 5:30 AM to my boyfriend flipping on the lights and shouting, "We have a problem!" Our chinchilla had gotten out of his maximum security cage, and half of our apartment is now underwater because he decided the water line that leads to the fridge would make a tasty midnight snack. FML

by Sara / 03/04/2009 at 5:42pm / United States (Washington) / Animals

Today, I woke up to find that my dog was missing. I spent about an hour searching for him when my psycho ex-girlfriend texted me his photo. She'd kidnapped him. After driving over there, she shot paintballs at my car. Now I have no dog and a colorful car. FML

by sammatthews2007 / 02/24/2009 at 10:21pm / United States (North Carolina) / Animals