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babygurll19's favorite FMLs
Today, my friend saw a stamp on my hand and asked me which club I had gone to last night. I was so desperate to seem cool that I lied, instead of admitting it was actually from a children's play group that I took my kids to. FML
by lamemom / 04/05/2014 at 6:05pm / Canada (New Brunswick) / Kids
Today, while in line at my local bakery, an old man passed wind in front of me. The smell was like nothing I've ever experienced before. I managed to withstand it, but the child behind me could not, and spewed orange vomit all over my back. FML
by Anonymous / 04/05/2014 at 12:04am / United States (New Mexico) / Kids
by fuck off, dad / 04/04/2014 at 5:31pm / Colombia / Love
Today, while showering, I pulled on my white exfoliating gloves ready to wash my face. As I was about to use them, a dark stain caught my eye so I sniffed the mark only to discover it was poo. After further investigation, I find out my younger sister had been wearing them and 'experimenting'. FML
by AshleyP / 04/04/2014 at 10:17am / United Kingdom / Kids
by Cali girl / 04/03/2014 at 12:36pm / United States (California) / Animals
Today, my students all handed in their 1,000 word papers. The assignment was for them to write about a strong, benevolent leader who influenced the world. Around half of the papers were about Hitler. FML
by Anonymous / 04/02/2014 at 7:30am / Australia (Victoria) / Work
by anon / 03/31/2014 at 6:10pm / United States (New York) / Health
by Jaime / 03/31/2014 at 6:05pm / United States (New York) / Love
Today, while on patrol with my partner, we came across a guy getting a beat-down on the sidewalk. After restraining the attacker, we helped the victim to his feet, only for him to spit at us and call us "goddamn pigs". You're welcome, sir. FML
by dunno why we bother / 03/31/2014 at 4:07pm / United States (Florida) / Work
Today, as I walked out the door to head to class, my neighbour's kid threw a balloon at me, filled with some kind of foul-smelling liquid that he calls "liquid ass". I had a presentation 20 minutes later and couldn't get the smell off myself in time. FML
by Anonymous / 03/31/2014 at 1:15pm / Japan (Hyogo) / Kids
by phantomthelabrat / 03/31/2014 at 8:24am / United States (North Dakota) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 03/30/2014 at 2:45pm / United Kingdom (Worcestershire) / Health
Today, I broke up with my psycho girlfriend of one month. She actually expected me to let her keep the vintage car that I've been rebuilding for the past two years, and when I refused, she threatened to burn my garage down with us still in it. FML
by starfishedasshole / 03/30/2014 at 12:50pm / United States / Love
Today, my parents and I attended the funeral of my husband's mother. It was open-casket, and my parents went to take a look. My mum muttered, "With a dress that tacky, no wonder she died", and my dad chuckled. A fight quickly erupted, and the police were called. FML
by disgusted / 03/29/2014 at 5:31pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous
Today, my girlfriend texted me, telling me to come home quickly, because she had a "surprise" waiting for me. I convinced my boss to let me go home, and rushed out. Turns out the "surprise" was just that she'd bought herself a pet bunny. FML
by Galaxy / 03/29/2014 at 1:03pm / Belgium (Limburg) / Animals