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babybunnypinkeye's favorite FMLs
by iworkatofficedepothomes / 05/15/2014 at 8:02am / United States (California) / Work
by taintedlover / 05/13/2014 at 5:31pm / United States (Washington) / Love
Today, in the very middle of the night, my kitten started rubbing against my face. Thinking I saw her face in the darkness, I decided to kiss her before going back to bed. My lips made contact with her butthole. FML
by Anonymous / 02/13/2014 at 10:20am / United States (Nevada) / Animals
Today, I texted my boyfriend of two years and asked if he wanted to go to ball with me. His response was "The person you are trying to message cancelled their phone service and moved to Mexico. Taco taco burrito." I'll take that as a no. FML
by rollergirl13 / 01/11/2014 at 12:55am / United States (Alaska) / Love
Today, I was at work at Krispy Kreme for national "talk like a pirate" day. If you dressed like a pirate you'd get a free dozen donuts. A man came in with just an eyepatch on. Thinking he was trying to get a free dozen, I told him he needed to try harder. Turned out the eyepatch was real. FML
by Jamie / 09/19/2013 at 8:47pm / United States (Virginia) / Work
by GogurtBadass / 09/18/2013 at 12:55pm / United States (Washington) / Health
by KatVanGogh / 08/25/2013 at 9:16pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Animals
by Anonymous / 03/01/2013 at 2:18am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, a German guy came into the place where I work. Eager to use the German that I'd learned from my immigrant mother and her family, I started a conversation. Things were going well until the term I grew up thinking meant "Africa" turned out to be racist, translating as "Ape Land." FML
by Jan / 02/26/2013 at 11:50pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
by mydadsgonnakillme / 02/08/2013 at 2:13am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by Why Me? / 01/31/2013 at 4:07am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
Today, my sister's boyfriend called while she was out. The second I answered he tried to have phone sex with me. When I explained to him that I wasn't my sister and that we just sound the same on the phone, he replied, "Don't care, let's keep going." FML
by Awkward... / 01/29/2013 at 4:40am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by great / 01/25/2013 at 3:36pm / Puerto Rico / Intimacy
by anon / 01/13/2013 at 10:00pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
Today, while helping out at a retirement home, I had to get a book off a bookshelf. When I reached up, my watch got stuck on my shirt, resulting in my shirt lifting up. I just flashed my man-boobs to at least 20 senior citizens, and one of them even asked if he could have a feel. FML
by Anonymous / 12/31/2012 at 2:58am / United States / Work
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her…