Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

azhein

Search for a member

azhein

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Thursday 5 January 1989 (25 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 2896
  • Number of comments : 175
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 7 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

azhein's page activity

Visits<b>bigsexy85</b> - the 10/18/2014 at 11:41pm<b>BlazeArmy</b> - the 08/16/2014 at 2:09am<b>blcusername</b> - the 08/08/2014 at 11:32am<b>Santiago1222</b> - the 07/16/2014 at 3:33pm<b>spiers1</b> - the 07/13/2014 at 5:19am<b>whatsupitsbrian</b> - the 07/12/2014 at 9:58pm<b>HairyPunisher</b> - the 06/08/2014 at 10:29am<b>toasty_narwals</b> - the 06/06/2014 at 11:40pm<b>ThatSlappinBass</b> - the 03/02/2014 at 10:51am<b>kilullu</b> - the 02/28/2014 at 1:35am<b>ziam</b> - the 02/25/2014 at 5:50pm<b>Iwtumn</b> - the 02/15/2014 at 9:27am<b>thenameisfatma</b> - the 01/29/2014 at 1:48am<b>ccameron</b> - the 11/25/2013 at 10:28am<b>Think_Of_Him</b> - the 11/16/2013 at 11:05pm<b>tigerfish</b> - the 11/07/2013 at 2:39pm<b>xDochx</b> - the 10/14/2013 at 11:07pm<b>ThatFancyPenn</b> - the 10/09/2013 at 6:44am

azhein's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

azhein's favorite FMLs

Today, my 400 pound roommate brought home a 400 pound guy. Now there's 800 pounds of sex going on in the next room, and it sounds like the invasion of Normandy in there. FML

#14835077
271 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69746) - you deserved it (6565)

On 02/04/2011 at 12:42am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I discovered that my girlfriend of two years has been cheating on me for over five months, including while I was deployed to Afghanistan. FML

Today, I was on an airplane, riding in first class for the first time in my life. The man next to me turned to me just before takeoff, stared at my chest, and said that he hoped there would be severe turbulence. FML

#13198134
210 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33765) - you deserved it (3898)

On 09/25/2010 at 5:49pm - misc - by huj - United States (Texas)

Today, I found my favorite stuffed animal I had as a child in the trash bin. I took it out to find that it felt wet and smelt funny. Apparently, my younger brother cut a hole in the butt of it and used it to masturbate. FML

#13145011
310 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50107) - you deserved it (3475)

On 09/21/2010 at 6:07pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I went to a zoo that had a gorilla in a cage. I walked up, and the gorilla stopped what he was doing, looked me in the eyes, and started jacking off. FML

#13005397
295 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38048) - you deserved it (9641)

On 09/11/2010 at 3:25pm - intimacy - by gorillalove - United States (Texas)

Today, I got dumped because I was on my period. Apparently he was pissed because I have one "like, every single month." FML

Today, my boyfriend and I were trying to have intercourse for the first time. One minute into it, he got nervous and farted. What's worse is that his fart scared him, and he asked "What was that?" FML

#9407867
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34424) - you deserved it (5885)

On 03/26/2010 at 7:58pm - intimacy - by Haley. - United States (Arizona)

Today, while trying to pull a nail out of some wood with a crowbar in my theatre class, my girlfriend, who was holding down the wood with her foot, thought it would be funny to move her foot and make me lose my balance. Instead, the crowbar flew up and struck me in the nuts. FML

#8794637
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23532) - you deserved it (2913)

On 03/03/2010 at 6:13am - misc - by ouch... (man) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I was on a long-haul plane journey home from my holiday. After 5 hours, I decided to stretch my arms whilst watching a movie. Little did I know that a little girl was approaching, running down the aisle as my arm stretched out. I accidentally clothes-lined a little 9 year old girl. FML

#7203649
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26561) - you deserved it (3510)

On 01/07/2010 at 7:25pm - misc - by James4929 (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I was awakened from a peaceful sleep by my crazy ex-girlfriend, who apparently copied my key before our break up three months ago. She was on top of me, stroking my beard, whispering: “He looks like Jesus.” FML

#6842444
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39942) - you deserved it (3170)

On 12/20/2009 at 3:47am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I fainted for the first time in my life. I was in the shower. With my girlfriend. Apparently, my brain and my erection had a battle for who got the most blood, and my erection won. FML

#6583595
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22120) - you deserved it (3159)

On 12/03/2009 at 12:50pm - intimacy - by Silent - United Kingdom (Hampshire)

Today, we rearranged the bedroom and my boyfriend and I switched sides of the bed. When the alarm went off, he got confused as to which side the clock was on. Instead of hitting the snooze button like he normally does, he hit me in the face. FML

#6532769
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28390) - you deserved it (8670)

On 11/30/2009 at 1:01pm - misc - by SoVeryMonday (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I realized why my 50 year old Dad's 30 something girlfriend looked so familiar. She is in all my parents wedding photos... as the flower girl. FML

#6348430
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41622) - you deserved it (1788)

On 11/17/2009 at 10:18pm - misc - by usmcgirl (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, we got our results for our final grade English paper on which I worked my butt off on, and also which I let my best-friend copy off from. I received a E- and two detentions for plagiarism. My friend got a A minus. All she said was "oh well, at least you tried your best". FML

#6225217
223 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13152) - you deserved it (47400)

On 11/09/2009 at 5:27am - misc - by fuck_thisshit (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I had a meeting with the CEO about a promising job with good pay and benefits. Upon meeting, we immediately recognized each other. He was someone I used to make fun of in school all the time. He responded by refusing to interview me and had security throw me out by force. Karma bites. FML

#5527789
257 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8496) - you deserved it (104050)

On 09/28/2009 at 2:31pm - work - by SucksToBeMe (man) - United States (Nevada)



Zach Stafford's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Zach's illustrated FML
  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

Friday 17 October 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: