azan1

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azan1

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 5915
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About azan1 : I am the official queen of sarcasm. I hate almost everyone and am on here because I enjoy others' suffering. I like loud rock music, anime, and tumblr; the rest can rot for all I care. Like my attitude? Visit me at: thegothunicorn.tumblr.com. Don't like me? Read where I'm from again.

azan1's page activity

Visits<b>skittycat213</b> - the 01/12/2014 at 12:59pm<b>sillykitty78</b> - the 12/25/2013 at 12:17am<b>darwinism</b> - the 08/25/2013 at 10:48am<b>jadeluv</b> - the 07/16/2013 at 7:26pm<b>fml0505</b> - the 07/08/2013 at 3:48am<b>LordDoodle</b> - the 06/29/2013 at 12:03pm<b>Nordrag</b> - the 06/27/2013 at 3:35pm<b>usernameunkn0wn</b> - the 06/19/2013 at 12:18am<b>semper_amo</b> - the 06/18/2013 at 5:55pm<b>natural_troller</b> - the 06/18/2013 at 2:02am<b>aWeirdoNamedCori</b> - the 06/16/2013 at 12:17am<b>SirTalkaton</b> - the 06/09/2013 at 12:50pm<b>DeidaraAkatsuki</b> - the 06/09/2013 at 5:04am<b>dead_insects</b> - the 05/29/2013 at 1:39am<b>thebestintheworl</b> - the 04/03/2013 at 4:54pm<b>KiaraAyumu</b> - the 04/03/2013 at 1:40am<b>martinez121797</b> - the 03/25/2013 at 10:02pm<b>thatguy1596</b> - the 03/25/2013 at 12:14am

azan1's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

See all of azan1's badges

azan1's favorite FMLs

Today, I finished a big art project. It was a self-portrait done in acrylics. Proud of my piece, I showed my mom. After some thought her first comment was, "well, I'm either going to insult your art or your face." FML

by Anonymous / 06/01/2013 at 7:43am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up to my 5-year-old son covering my nose and mouth with his hand and complaining, "Noooo, you need to die now." FML

by life insurance for 1 / 05/30/2013 at 12:29pm / United States (California) / Kids

Today, I uttered the phrase "the pot calling the kettle black" in class. Moments later, I'd been called a "racist twerp" and kicked out of class by the same English teacher who once tried to have another kid suspended for using the word "titillate", because apparently it's "pornographic". FML

by Anonymous / 05/30/2013 at 11:20am / United Kingdom (Northamptonshire) / Love

Today, the doorbell rang. I saw my incredibly overbearing mum's car outside, so I stayed quiet and tried to sneak upstairs. As I crawled through the hallway, commando style, I realised the door blinds were still out for cleaning. If scowls could kill, I'd be roasting in Hell right now. FML

by Anonymous / 05/30/2013 at 8:40am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up in bed with a one-night stand. We got really drunk the night before so I went to make a hangover-cure breakfast. Apparently he was so drunk that he didn't remember me, and when he came to the kitchen, he knocked me out with a pan and called the cops. FML

by paulinapo / 05/29/2013 at 9:53pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, after being told by her therapist to try to make her kids a bigger part of her life because we're so distant from her, my mom's new favorite thing to do is to constantly use the words "YOLO" and "swag" around us. FML

by Anonymous / 05/28/2013 at 12:42pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my in-laws came for dinner. My 5-year-old son chose that as the perfect time to say, "Good girls always swallow!" when my daughter coughed up some of her food. I have no idea where he heard it, but my mother-in-law blamed me, and my wife had to convince her not to call CPS on me. FML

by Anonymous / 05/27/2013 at 6:15pm / United States (Utah) / Kids

Today, a girl at my tanning salon was ranting about how expensive it was and how she wished there was a cheaper way to get a tan. I joked, "Like from the sun?" She angrily called me a "sassy bitch", screamed to my boss about me, and then threatened to sue us when he kicked her out. FML

by fuck you retail / 05/27/2013 at 4:18pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, I invited my boyfriend to come to an event to meet some of my friends for the first time. I had been raving about him for weeks, and everyone was curious to meet this "amazing guy" I'd been dating. He showed up in a Darth Vader costume because he thought it would be funny to embarrass me. FML

by JJLight / 05/26/2013 at 11:14pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, I have to defend my client in court. The defense that my client wants me to use is, "It's not a robbery if you have swag" and then goes on saying, "The judge is bound to let me go after he sees my swag." FML

by Anonymous / 05/22/2013 at 9:57pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, the extremely uncooperative client whom I'm trying to defend in court sent me a letter in which he threatened to sue me, because charging him for my services supposedly violates his "constipational rights". FML

by harrington61 / 05/19/2013 at 5:27pm / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, I spent hours debating with a lady who claimed she'd spent years "studying the big bang theory". Not only did she not know the scientific meaning of the word "theory", her killer argument was "If the big bang happened, where are the fossils?" I'm not sure whether or not I just got trolled. FML

by look at the fucking universe, lady / 05/18/2013 at 2:44pm / United States (Alabama) / Geek

Today, I went to a local Indian takeaway, since I'm from India originally, and none of my friends speak Hindi. I went up to the counter and placed my order in Hindi with the seemingly Indian owner. He gave me a weird look and said, "Huh? Speak English, ya rimjob." FML

by Anonymous / 05/17/2013 at 4:10pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I posted a Facebook status about how I hoped to spend the rest of my life with my boyfriend. A couple of hours later, I saw a comment on it saying he'd never done anything bad enough to deserve that kind of torment. Thanks, mom. FML

by lackadaisy_leah / 05/15/2013 at 12:12pm / United States / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I learned if you type my full name in Google Images, the 3rd thing that comes up is a naked woman in ropes. Someone on Pornhub thought it was smart to comment that the girl looks just like me. She does. Now my parents think I'm a porn star, and most people at school stopped talking to me. FML

by magomag / 05/14/2013 at 12:15am / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy