Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

azan1

Search for a member

azan1

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1884
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About azan1 : I am the official queen of sarcasm. I hate almost everyone and am on here because I enjoy others' suffering. I like loud rock music, anime, and tumblr; the rest can rot for all I care. Like my attitude? Visit me at: thegothunicorn.tumblr.com. Don't like me? Read where I'm from again.

azan1's page activity

Visits<b>skittycat213</b> - the 01/12/2014 at 12:59pm<b>sillykitty78</b> - the 12/25/2013 at 12:17am<b>darwinism</b> - the 08/25/2013 at 10:48am<b>jadeluv</b> - the 07/16/2013 at 7:26pm<b>fml0505</b> - the 07/08/2013 at 3:48am<b>LordDoodle</b> - the 06/29/2013 at 12:03pm<b>Nordrag</b> - the 06/27/2013 at 3:35pm<b>usernameunkn0wn</b> - the 06/19/2013 at 12:18am<b>semper_amo</b> - the 06/18/2013 at 5:55pm<b>natural_troller</b> - the 06/18/2013 at 2:02am<b>aWeirdoNamedCori</b> - the 06/16/2013 at 12:17am<b>SirTalkaton</b> - the 06/09/2013 at 12:50pm<b>DeidaraAkatsuki</b> - the 06/09/2013 at 5:04am<b>dead_insects</b> - the 05/29/2013 at 1:39am<b>thebestintheworl</b> - the 04/03/2013 at 4:54pm<b>KiaraAyumu</b> - the 04/03/2013 at 1:40am<b>martinez121797</b> - the 03/25/2013 at 10:02pm<b>thatguy1596</b> - the 03/25/2013 at 12:14am

azan1's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

See all of azan1's badges

azan1's favorite FMLs

Today, I ran into my shitlord of an ex at the store. He took one look at me, yelled "You cheating bitch!" in a wounded voice, then walked away, fake-crying. I got so many dirty looks. The worst part is that I dumped him last month for cheating on me with my "best friend." FML

#20827624
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49968) - you deserved it (3334)

On 08/08/2013 at 5:18pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I went to my boss's dinner party. My sister, who also works with me, sat across from me at the table. I felt her kick me so I kicked her back. Then I heard something start crying. It was the boss's baby crawling under the table. FML

#20823157
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53971) - you deserved it (18127)

On 08/06/2013 at 1:07am - work - by offuckingcourse - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my girlfriend of 3 weeks gave me an ultimatum: marry her, or she kills herself. FML

#20814794
337 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67237) - you deserved it (5801)

On 08/01/2013 at 3:36am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was babysitting a kid for the first time. She asked if she could watch a movie, so I downloaded Cinderella for her. An hour later, this 10-year-old girl was lecturing me about unrealistic standards of beauty and abusive relationships, and how I suck for liking the movie. FML

#20806393
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44521) - you deserved it (7876)

On 07/27/2013 at 1:51pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Finland

Today, I returned from a long business trip a day early to surprise my wife. She was sleeping, so I climbed into bed and started spooning her. Thinking I was an intruder, she simultaneously kicked me in the groin, elbowed me in the ribs, and smacked the back of her head into my jaw. FML

#20805942
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43450) - you deserved it (24554)

On 07/27/2013 at 4:03am - love - by good_aim (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. Instead of moaning like any normal person, he just kept saying stuff like "uh-huh," "not too bad," and "yup" in a complete monotone. It was probably the most uncomfortable experience of my life. FML

#20804720
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64719) - you deserved it (6568)

On 07/26/2013 at 2:00pm - intimacy - by awkward (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was having dinner at a long-time friend's place. In a matter of 15 minutes, her mom had managed to establish unequivocally that three kinds of people were ruining the world: vegetarians, atheists and homosexuals. I'm all three rolled into one. She knows that. FML

#20804013
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44513) - you deserved it (14705)

On 07/26/2013 at 1:31am - misc - by WhyThankYou (woman) - Lebanon (Beyrouth)

Today, I couldn't move without people talking to me about the "Royal Baby". It's like it's actually going to have an effect on my life. FML

#20797431
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41054) - you deserved it (5859)

On 07/22/2013 at 11:58am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Wiltshire)

Today, I walked in on my daughter hugging and sobbing into her Edward Cullen cut-out. She won't tell me what's wrong, yet she can confide in a creepy fictional stalker whose facial expression is locked to "chronically constipated". Where did I go wrong? FML

#20778274
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47031) - you deserved it (6874)

On 07/12/2013 at 7:18pm - kids - by So little trust. (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my boyfriend and I went to my parents' barbecue. He knew my family is extremely religious, so what did he do? Called for silence to make an announcement, namely: "God isn't real." Cue a riot that ended in us being kicked out and me all but disowned for "putting him up to it". FML

#20765683
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42452) - you deserved it (7126)

On 07/05/2013 at 6:29pm - misc - by he's a dawk, and a cunt (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, at a family dinner, my mother-in-law talked me into showing off some moves that I've learned in martial arts. I gently did a restraining hold on her. She screamed that I was trying to break her wrists, and kept the wounded act up all night, smirking as everyone gave me death glares. FML

#20765643
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43086) - you deserved it (4689)

On 07/05/2013 at 5:59pm - misc - by -_- (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I woke up to a flooded basement. That basement is my bedroom, so I'm completely surrounded by water. All I need is a tiger and this would be like The Life of Pi. FML

#20752548
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45299) - you deserved it (3427)

On 06/28/2013 at 2:07pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Egypt (Al Qahirah)

Today, I was accused of shooting drugs at work. I was only feeding a baby bird that was tucked into my arm using a medicine syringe. I've been smuggling it to work because it has to eat every 2 hours or it will starve. Now everyone there thinks I'm a hardcore dope fiend. FML

#20751061
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43813) - you deserved it (7951)

On 06/27/2013 at 7:56pm - animals - by Gribby - United States (Missouri)

Today, my cousin thought it would be cool to put a firecracker in an abandoned birdhouse. Before I could tell him not to, it exploded and about 30 wasps came after me like the wrath of God. FML

#20749556
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48646) - you deserved it (4598)

On 06/27/2013 at 12:27am - animals - by EpicJman2828 (man) - United States

Today, whilst waiting tables at work, I served a young couple the milkshakes they had ordered. The woman at the next table verbally abused me for "teasing" her screaming sons with "unhealthy foods". FML

#20745796
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42538) - you deserved it (2407)

On 06/25/2013 at 1:24am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Queensland)



FML's blog

  • FML on vacation #1: Getting there
  • A lot of people will spout off the tired old cliché that the destination isn't as important as the journey itself. Well, what if you're on your way to the Playboy Mansion then?…

Tuesday 22 July 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: