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ayumi

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ayumi
  • Town/Country : Not specified
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  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 25153
  • Number of comments : 12
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Today, I had my first job interview and didn't have much of an appetite because of the nerves. So I grabbed a brownie that my roommate had left in the fridge and ate it on the train ride in to the city. About 20 minutes into my interview I was so stoned I couldn't speak. FML

#1550190
356 comments

I agree, your life sucks (161904) - you deserved it (39908)

On 05/02/2009 at 2:28am - work - by Dunzo15 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was laying in bed naked and blindfolded. I told my boyfriend he could do anything he wanted to me. About 30 minutes later I get out of bed and find him in the computer room play World of Warcraft. His friends needed him. FML

#1524498
395 comments

I agree, your life sucks (82474) - you deserved it (12392)

On 05/01/2009 at 1:40pm - intimacy - by chelle (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was walking downstairs to the subway. At the top of the stairs this hobo was peeing. Two seconds before, I told my friend I felt rain. It wasn't rain. FML

#1519871
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50682) - you deserved it (2745)

On 05/01/2009 at 9:15am - misc - by DudeManBro69 (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, an ant bit my penis. That was the first 'mouth' to ever touch it. FML

#1382761
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (86350) - you deserved it (20772)

On 04/27/2009 at 2:14am - misc - by hjgjh - United States (California)

Today, I was sitting next to the guy I like and he was doing homework. Then, he looks up, his eyes meeting mine. His smooth voice mutters my name as his face inches closer to mine. I can feel his minty breath against my face. My pulse is racing. Then, he says "What's a pronoun?" FML

#1372393
235 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53048) - you deserved it (10425)

On 04/26/2009 at 9:14pm - love - by theatreismylife (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was at the beach and fell asleep in the sun. When I woke up, there was a blob of sunscreen on my leg. Thinking it was my boyfriend who was sweet enough to squeeze sunscreen for me, I rubbed it into my leg. After smelling my hands, I discovered it was bird poop. FML

#1339602
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42212) - you deserved it (15182)

On 04/25/2009 at 11:10pm - animals - by poopedon (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my 10 year old brother caught me masturbating and then said "Oh, so that's how you do it!". He then ran to his room and locked the door. I inadvertently taught my little brother how to masturbate. FML

#1308807
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20757) - you deserved it (56694)

On 04/25/2009 at 12:13am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was studying for a midterm, so I put my computer on the side of my desk to make more room for my books. My roommate came in while I wasn't paying attention and tackle-hugged me from behind - I fell over, knocking my computer out the window. I live on the 8th floor. FML

#1283186
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52360) - you deserved it (6669)

On 04/24/2009 at 2:41am - misc - by avanti (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got a spray tan for the first time. Naked, I climbed into the booth. When the machine started I became frightened by the loud roar of the spray and couldn't breathe. I pissed myself out of fear. I now have river-like streaks down both legs where the pee washed my tan away. FML

#1246949
260 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20891) - you deserved it (80254)

On 04/23/2009 at 1:44am - health - by tgstreaks (woman) - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I was talking to my hot neighbor. We were in the driveway of her house, and I looked at her car and noticed a hideous dummy. It was fat and just ugly, but I didn't think much of it. I tried to make a joke and asked, "Where did you get that awful thing?" She said, "That's my daughter". FML

#1243795
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9080) - you deserved it (71636)

On 04/22/2009 at 11:11pm - misc - by brob56 (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I had to give a massage to an obese person with rank smelling fungus growing in between their skin folds. They tipped me two dollars. My hands still smell. FML

#1214508
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69806) - you deserved it (3963)

On 04/22/2009 at 1:39am - misc - by RockedSystem - United States (Alabama)

Today, my shower is being renovated so I decided to wash my hair in the kitchen sink. I put my two year old son on the counter next to me so I could keep him close. As I was rinsing out my hair, my son started playing with the light switches. He flicked the garbage disposal on accident. FML

#1206397
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64336) - you deserved it (24427)

On 04/21/2009 at 8:12pm - kids - by hairball (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)



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