ayumi

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ayumi

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 28893
  • Number of comments : 12
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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ayumi's page activity

Visits<b>xxdreamloverxx</b> - the 07/04/2016 at 1:09pm<b>malakaboy</b> - the 05/20/2009 at 9:43pm<b>username666</b> - the 05/20/2009 at 5:10pm<b>ibabyd0llaz</b> - the 05/20/2009 at 4:17pm<b>Ebisumaru</b> - the 05/20/2009 at 9:58am<b>wideh2ogirl</b> - the 05/20/2009 at 7:34am<b>badluckbetty13</b> - the 05/20/2009 at 1:10am<b>Jlau521</b> - the 05/20/2009 at 12:21am<b>danid1013</b> - the 05/19/2009 at 11:37pm<b>djsubdu3</b> - the 05/19/2009 at 9:25pm<b>onna</b> - the 05/17/2009 at 7:46pm<b>erichugh22</b> - the 05/14/2009 at 4:07am

ayumi's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

ayumi's favorite FMLs

Today, I had my first job interview and didn't have much of an appetite because of the nerves. So I grabbed a brownie that my roommate had left in the fridge and ate it on the train ride in to the city. About 20 minutes into my interview I was so stoned I couldn't speak. FML

by Dunzo15 / 05/02/2009 at 2:28am / United States (New York) / Work

Today, I was laying in bed naked and blindfolded. I told my boyfriend he could do anything he wanted to me. About 30 minutes later I get out of bed and find him in the computer room play World of Warcraft. His friends needed him. FML

by chelle / 05/01/2009 at 1:40pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy

Today, I was walking downstairs to the subway. At the top of the stairs this hobo was peeing. Two seconds before, I told my friend I felt rain. It wasn't rain. FML

by DudeManBro69 / 05/01/2009 at 9:15am / United States (New Jersey) / Transportation

Today, an ant bit my penis. That was the first 'mouth' to ever touch it. FML

by hjgjh / 04/27/2009 at 2:14am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I was sitting next to the guy I like and he was doing homework. Then, he looks up, his eyes meeting mine. His smooth voice mutters my name as his face inches closer to mine. I can feel his minty breath against my face. My pulse is racing. Then, he says "What's a pronoun?" FML

by theatreismylife / 04/26/2009 at 9:14pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, I was at the beach and fell asleep in the sun. When I woke up, there was a blob of sunscreen on my leg. Thinking it was my boyfriend who was sweet enough to squeeze sunscreen for me, I rubbed it into my leg. After smelling my hands, I discovered it was bird poop. FML

by poopedon / 04/25/2009 at 11:10pm / Canada (Ontario) / Animals

Today, my 10 year old brother caught me masturbating and then said "Oh, so that's how you do it!". He then ran to his room and locked the door. I inadvertently taught my little brother how to masturbate. FML

by Anonymous / 04/25/2009 at 12:13am / United States (Texas) / Kids

Today, I was studying for a midterm, so I put my computer on the side of my desk to make more room for my books. My roommate came in while I wasn't paying attention and tackle-hugged me from behind - I fell over, knocking my computer out the window. I live on the 8th floor. FML

by avanti / 04/24/2009 at 2:41am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got a spray tan for the first time. Naked, I climbed into the booth. When the machine started I became frightened by the loud roar of the spray and couldn't breathe. I pissed myself out of fear. I now have river-like streaks down both legs where the pee washed my tan away. FML

by tgstreaks / 04/23/2009 at 1:44am / United States (Mississippi) / Health

Today, I was talking to my hot neighbor. We were in the driveway of her house, and I looked at her car and noticed a hideous dummy. It was fat and just ugly, but I didn't think much of it. I tried to make a joke and asked, "Where did you get that awful thing?" She said, "That's my daughter". FML

by brob56 / 04/22/2009 at 11:11pm / United States (Tennessee) / Love

Today, I was in a tour group going through a cave and our guide stopped, turned off the lights, and told us to be quiet so we could feel absolute silence. I farted. FML

by fartmaster / 04/22/2009 at 3:10pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to give a massage to an obese person with rank smelling fungus growing in between their skin folds. They tipped me two dollars. My hands still smell. FML

by RockedSystem / 04/22/2009 at 1:39am / United States (Alabama) / Work

Today, my shower is being renovated so I decided to wash my hair in the kitchen sink. I put my two year old son on the counter next to me so I could keep him close. As I was rinsing out my hair, my son started playing with the light switches. He flicked the garbage disposal by accident. FML

by hairball / 04/21/2009 at 8:12pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids

Today, I was running the register at my work and this big lady pulls her wad of cash out of her bra and hands it to me. The bills she handed me were moist. FML

by Anonymous / 04/21/2009 at 2:12pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at the gynecologist and he was performing a routine check-up. He was a new doctor and I was just slightly uncomfortable with him. About mid-check-up, as he felt around my uterus, he said in a cartoonish voice, "Oh, it's so squishy up here." The doctor turned me into a sock puppet. FML

by Anonymous / 04/20/2009 at 1:55pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Health