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awesome_epicness's favorite FMLs
Today, I put my 5 month-old daughter in her swinging chair and walked into the kitchen to make her a bottle. When I came back, she was giggling because the dog was licking her face. It would have been cute, picture worthy even, if I actually had a dog. FML
Today, I decided to to gather up the courage to ask the cute boy in my math class for his number. He gave it to me, and I texted him later that night. But little did I know he actually gave me the number of the creep in class who is always grabbing my ass. I ended up asking the creep out. FML
by thisiswhyimsingle / 09/14/2015 at 1:17am / United States (Missouri) / Love
Today, after missing college for a week due to illness, I found out my "friends" were bullshitting me about us having to write an important no-extension Biology essay. Copious amounts of my sweat, snot and tears went into that desperation-fueled nightmare. Thanks, dickheads. FML
by Anonymous / 08/28/2015 at 2:39am / South Africa (Western Cape) / Work
by Anonymous / 08/15/2015 at 11:20am / United States / Animals
Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex, and he asked me to tell him what I wanted him to do. I said I wanted him to make me scream and cum. To which he replied, "Okay, be realistic now". FML
by imonfmlnow / 08/13/2015 at 12:24pm / United States / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 08/11/2015 at 10:23pm / Israel (Tel Aviv) / Intimacy
by stargate25 / 07/23/2015 at 10:33pm / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy
Today, I had to profusely apologize to a woman after my six year old son decided to crawl between her legs at the supermarket, then look up her skirt and loudly ask why she didn't have any panties on. FML
by Anonymous / 07/03/2015 at 4:51pm / United States / Kids
Today, I went to my boyfriend's house to eat dinner with his parents. Everyone wanted me to start the family prayer, and although I hadn't done one in years, I accepted. It went well until I remembered you say "Amen" at the end, not "Uh... Bye." FML
by Arcanin3Boss / 06/23/2015 at 2:37am / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to my girlfriend's parents' house for lunch. I ended up in the bathroom constipated and remembered reading it's easier to "go" if you are squatting. My girlfriend's dad walked in on me perched on the toilet like an owl. FML
by oh no / 06/22/2015 at 4:58pm / United States (California) / Health
by rabbitkiller / 06/20/2015 at 6:42am / China (Nei Mongol) / Animals
by nazirah4shizzle / 05/15/2015 at 3:54pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, while teaching my class, I hooked my laptop up to the projector and put on a documentary. I left it playing and went to the toilet. When I came back the whole class was talking to my mother. She must've Skyped me while I was gone and someone answered the call. FML
by HiddlePuff / 05/14/2015 at 8:42am / Australia / Work
by sarahmaxine / 05/09/2015 at 12:10am / United States (Nevada) / Miscellaneous
- Today, the guy that I've recently became close to texted me, wanting to hook up. He's very cute and… Today, my boyfriend drove me home. I mentioned how I had recently started my period and he freaked… Today, I gave my boyfriend a blowjob for the first time. This is the moment he chooses to exclaim,…
- Today, I went to my first ever marching band practice. Not only did I forget my instrument, I wore… Today, I'm 37 weeks pregnant. My boyfriend thought catching Pokemon and getting drunk was more fun… Today, I was working at the local grocery store until 12:00 AM. A woman comes in at 11:50 and tries…