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authorkid

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authorkid
  • Town/Country : Canandaigua, USA
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 29 January 1997 (17 years)
  • Number of visits : 2526
  • Number of comments : 197
  • Number of FMLs : 1 confirmed out of 33 posted

About authorkid : Boo.
I have no life.

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authorkid's favorite FMLs

Today, at a Christmas party, my crush came up to me and cutely pointed out that I was standing under mistletoe. The only response my stupid brain could think of was, "Probably full of nargles though." He gave me a confused look and walked away. FML

#20402533
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24700) - you deserved it (11921)

On 12/16/2012 at 6:51pm - love - by Rhine (woman) - Barbados (Saint Michael)

Today, I came home to my empty apartment. My girlfriend had left a note on the floor that said: "Took my stuff and left. Took your stuff and pawned it." FML

#17994746
228 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32085) - you deserved it (4320)

On 10/16/2011 at 12:22am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my toilet decided it wouldn't take any more shit from me, and flooded the bathroom. FML

#16299538
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31239) - you deserved it (4718)

On 05/22/2011 at 4:31pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, as I was about to go in the bathroom, a girl walked out, shaking water off her hands. Some of it landed on my face, and I just wiped it off. Then she said to her friend who was waiting for her, "The sink's broken. Can I use your hand sanitizer?" So what landed on my face? FML

#15205063
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34889) - you deserved it (2514)

On 03/05/2011 at 5:15am - misc - by anon (man) - United States (California)

Today, my mom duly informed me I'm the reason people have middle fingers. FML

#14413679
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20375) - you deserved it (4435)

On 12/31/2010 at 8:16pm - misc - by edulover (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend asked me to 'spice things up in the bedroom'. When I asked how, he said I could try wearing a paper bag over my head. FML

#14393948
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31443) - you deserved it (5171)

On 12/30/2010 at 9:09am - intimacy - by georgiahick -

Today, I was making out with this guy, and I ask him if he wants to take my bra off. He has some trouble getting it off and says, "This is strange, I do it for my sister all the time." FML

#14129951
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45861) - you deserved it (5373)

On 12/08/2010 at 9:34am - intimacy - by fme (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was taking off my underwear to change into fresh clothes. Pulling them down, I realize there's a big fat spider in them. Not only did I have a spider chilling with my genitals the whole day, but I'm deathly afraid of them. FML

#13930948
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31236) - you deserved it (4355)

On 11/21/2010 at 10:42pm - animals - by dickwebs - Germany

Today, I received a restraining order from a girl I have never met. FML

#13808592
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29910) - you deserved it (2945)

On 11/11/2010 at 10:55pm - misc - by Bob - United States (Texas)

Today, my dad asked me for a word that rhymes with vagina. He was filling out an anniversary card for my mom. FML

#13614950
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24348) - you deserved it (2219)

On 10/27/2010 at 1:59pm - intimacy - by nothingdoes (woman) - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me on facebook to stop calling/texting her because she lost her phone. Right under her post was "sent from facebook for iPhone." FML

#13543408
224 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34734) - you deserved it (3964)

On 10/21/2010 at 10:25pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I found out the man I'm getting a ride from drives a windowless van and is "excited to see me". My friends had encouraged me to sign up for the cheap-ride program because it was less expensive than taking a train. If I never come back, look for a windowless van somewhere in Europe. FML

#13432201
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19245) - you deserved it (4257)

On 10/13/2010 at 8:57am - misc - by deadinavan (woman) - Germany (Bayern)

Today, I got hit by a Salami log thrown from a car; its metal wire cut my shoulder. I got scarred by a flying hunk of pig. FML

#13320249
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20386) - you deserved it (2092)

On 10/04/2010 at 7:31pm - misc - by ifpigsflew (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, at work, I was called into the office by my supervisor, on whom I have a massive crush. He called me in to get my password to make some adjustments on my work account and asked me what my password was. I had to hold eye contact with him and tell him my password is his full name. FML

#13298402
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14791) - you deserved it (35571)

On 10/03/2010 at 1:08am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me by spray-painting it on my locker. FML

#13153122
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29978) - you deserved it (3115)

On 09/22/2010 at 3:47am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Venezuela (Distrito Federal)



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