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austinmars

Offline (the 04/11/2015 at 9:51pm) | Search for a member

austinmars

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  • Number of visits : 693
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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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Visits<b>thecalvin123</b> - the 05/03/2014 at 2:38am<b>NotR3ddy</b> - the 04/22/2014 at 10:54pm<b>JimmyHasNoHands</b> - the 04/18/2014 at 1:33am<b>Cherryta</b> - the 04/17/2014 at 1:33pm

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austinmars's favorite FMLs

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend for the first time in over a month. When I came, I thrust one last time and let out a huge fart. She couldn't keep her mouth shut about it, and now all our friends keep calling me "CumFart". FML

#21329462
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34325) - you deserved it (6814)

On 01/02/2015 at 4:53pm - intimacy - by I'll Make You FartCum (man) - United States (California)

Today, to teach my 14-year-old son a serious lesson for bullying a child at school again, I grounded him for the rest of the year. He just snorted and said, "Cool, I'll just jack off all year then! Thanks, mum!" and happily retreated to his bedroom. FML

#21132433
252 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44587) - you deserved it (8533)

On 05/06/2014 at 2:38pm - kids - by Satan's Mum (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, to teach my 14-year-old son a serious lesson for bullying a child at school again, I grounded him for the rest of the year. He just snorted and said, "Cool, I'll just jack off all year then! Thanks, mum!" and happily retreated to his bedroom. FML

#21132433
252 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44587) - you deserved it (8533)

On 05/06/2014 at 2:38pm - kids - by Satan's Mum (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, to teach my 14-year-old son a serious lesson for bullying a child at school again, I grounded him for the rest of the year. He just snorted and said, "Cool, I'll just jack off all year then! Thanks, mum!" and happily retreated to his bedroom. FML

#21132433
252 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44587) - you deserved it (8533)

On 05/06/2014 at 2:38pm - kids - by Satan's Mum (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, to teach my 14-year-old son a serious lesson for bullying a child at school again, I grounded him for the rest of the year. He just snorted and said, "Cool, I'll just jack off all year then! Thanks, mum!" and happily retreated to his bedroom. FML

#21132433
252 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44587) - you deserved it (8533)

On 05/06/2014 at 2:38pm - kids - by Satan's Mum (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, after finishing a two hour essay exam that will determine the future of my career, I realized I misread the question. FML

#21132154
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47699) - you deserved it (12017)

On 05/06/2014 at 5:11am - misc - by IBS (man) - China (Shanghai)

Today, I got a new dentist. You know how most dentists play soft, relaxing music? Well this guy seems to like rap a lot, and it's kinda hard getting your teeth cleaned to the sound of bullets going off. FML

#21131626
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40419) - you deserved it (4443)

On 05/05/2014 at 5:51pm - health - by randomusername99 - United States (New York)

Today, I started going on and on about dogs and their different types of breed, behaviours, expectancy, etc. When someone asked me how I know all this stuff, I meant to say, "I fucking love animals", I didn't think it through and said, "I love fucking animals". FML

#21131182
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49586) - you deserved it (22248)

On 05/05/2014 at 3:53am - intimacy - by Zekrome - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I once again had to tell one of my elderly patients not to grope me. He responded by throwing his bedpan at me. It was full. FML

#21130965
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43216) - you deserved it (3666)

On 05/04/2014 at 10:58pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I asked the girl I like if she had her eye on anyone, subtly hinting that I wanted to date her. I sat there while she confessed her love for her cousin. FML

#21130812
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47450) - you deserved it (5645)

On 05/04/2014 at 8:13pm - love - by Wowthanks - United States (Colorado)

Today, I met up with my group for class. We were doing some final checks on the project we've been working on all semester, when I realized something about one guy's work seemed off. I googled it and found out it's almost completely plagiarized. It's all due in the morning. FML

#21130579
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41467) - you deserved it (3741)

On 05/04/2014 at 2:57pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was glued to the toilet all day, gushing fountains of crap, due to my own bad cooking. It got so bad that I ran out of toilet paper and had to desperately jump in the shower and stay there for nearly two hours. I can't even feel my own asshole any more. FML

#21130490
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41371) - you deserved it (10527)

On 05/04/2014 at 1:17pm - health - by Numbass123 (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, my art teacher showed off a painting of his name he got in Japan. I can read Japanese, and it actually says "Old idiot". I really don't want to break it to him. FML

#21130223
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45322) - you deserved it (4744)

On 05/04/2014 at 2:12am - misc - by Sam (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was driving my grandpa to the store because his car is in the shop. I was well within the speed limit, but he kept yelling at me for "speeding", then accused me of trying to give him a heart attack, and eventually pulled the e-brake, getting us rear-ended. He refuses to apologise. FML

#21129670
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45486) - you deserved it (3564)

On 05/03/2014 at 2:15pm - work - by kezbabes - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, I had a nightmare and woke up in a cold sweat. My girlfriend was in bed with me at the time, and swears I yelled out another girl's name. She considers this proof that I'm cheating on her, and now she won't even speak to me. FML

#21129594
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41987) - you deserved it (4912)

On 05/03/2014 at 12:50pm - love - by wtf - Germany (Rheinland-Pfalz)



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