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austinmars

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austinmars
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  • Number of visits : 88
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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austinmars's favorite FMLs

Today, on a train, I nearly choked while sleeping with my mouth wide open. The little old lady sitting opposite me was entertaining herself by throwing little pieces of balled-up tin foil into my mouth. FML

#21121576
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19723) - you deserved it (3244) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 04/24/2014 at 2:57am - misc - by Anonyme - France (Provence-Alpes-Cote d'Azur)

Today, my 808 area code phone number has yet again been mistaken for a 1-800 number. I've been getting phone calls at three in the morning from people on the east coast who are trying to return their shoes. They want to speak to my supervisor because I "don't sound professional enough." FML

Today, I used a facial mask for super sensitive skin, recommended by several friends with similar skin issues. Apparently, when the warning says, "May cause some slight redness for thirty minutes", it really means, "Your face will have hives and swell to twice its normal size for several hours." FML

#21119632
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30810) - you deserved it (3479)

On 04/22/2014 at 1:31am - health - by Tomatoe Face - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my boyfriend's parents' parrot won't stop imitating my sex moans, and keeps doing it whenever I speak. FML

#21119041
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35220) - you deserved it (9128)

On 04/21/2014 at 2:42pm - intimacy - by sexual parrot -

Today, my drug addict of a roommate convinced herself my red kitten was Pennywise the clown in disguise waiting to kill her, and hit him over the head with a pan. FML

Today, at my wedding, my husband stood up to give a speech. It started out beautiful, until he told everyone how he started to fall in love with me after I blew him on our first date. FML

#21118892
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37620) - you deserved it (8138)

On 04/21/2014 at 11:43am - intimacy - by Sue Ellen (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, when I went to the shopping centre, the automatic door wouldn't open for me. I had to stand there and wait until someone else walked by to open it for me. I suffer from dwarfism and this is a daily occurrence. FML

#21118654
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43385) - you deserved it (3222)

On 04/21/2014 at 12:11am - misc - by shorty (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my boyfriend drove 20 miles to come see me. The closest we got to intimacy was him showing me how he could unlock his iPhone 5s with his penis. FML

#21118643
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34698) - you deserved it (4744)

On 04/21/2014 at 12:04am - intimacy - by Taylor - United States (Iowa)

Today, after living in my apartment for nearly a year, I heard my neighbor having a violent toilet session. Now I realize he's always been able to hear the wrath of my bowels too. We wave at each other every day. FML

Today, due to my short temper, I punched myself in the nose because I wouldn't stop sneezing. FML

#21116112
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19277) - you deserved it (47742)

On 04/18/2014 at 7:09am - health - by Ow (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my parents made a game out of deliberately walking in when I'm trying to masturbate. They even turn on all the hot water taps when I'm trying to do it in the shower. FML

#21115891
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37557) - you deserved it (13930)

On 04/17/2014 at 10:55pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I got a call from the police that my house had been burglarized, but an off-duty cop caught the criminal. I pull up to see my detained, psycho ex-boyfriend sheepishly grinning at me. He had three of my lace panties and two of my bras, claiming it was "all for memories sake". FML

#21115090
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43008) - you deserved it (3424)

On 04/16/2014 at 11:14pm - love - by exasperated (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to a restaurant for a friend's birthday. There were two very attractive waiters. They waited until I went to the toilet to sit down, talk to my friends and hit on them. They promptly left upon my return. Men avoid me. FML

Today, one of my most problematic students remained after class, whence he strongly insinuated his interest in receiving oral sex; I tried to convey just how inappropriate that was, when he interrupted, "Look, will you at least touch it?" FML

#21114779
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43470) - you deserved it (3815)

On 04/16/2014 at 6:03pm - intimacy - by MILF (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, it's my birthday. The only people who wished me a happy birthday were the ones who saw the "birthday boy" poster my sister plastered around school, which included a photo of me as a kid dressed up as a girl. FML

#21114561
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37515) - you deserved it (3381)

On 04/16/2014 at 1:24pm - misc - by birthdaygirl - United States (California)



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