audreys510

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Offline (the 10/29/2015 at 12:08pm)

audreys510

2Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Monday 30 May 1994 (21 years old)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 2809
  • Number of comments : 60
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 17 posted

About audreys510 : I'm Audrey. I'm 18, a senior in college...I'm a mathematics major, computer programming minor. I also have a passion for makeup. I work as a research assistant in an economics research lab.

audreys510's page activity

Visits<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 04/28/2016 at 6:22pm<b>Rozeyyy</b> - the 04/24/2016 at 7:12pm<b>IAmzephyr</b> - the 01/03/2016 at 3:23am<b>najraa</b> - the 11/23/2015 at 7:30pm<b>Kruitdamp</b> - the 10/30/2015 at 3:10am<b>Mcstud1y</b> - the 08/19/2015 at 2:16pm<b>Emmamazing</b> - the 07/12/2015 at 7:35pm<b>Gallik01</b> - the 06/04/2015 at 3:19pm<b>Skyzeri</b> - the 05/29/2015 at 2:26am<b>_powerslave666</b> - the 03/24/2015 at 2:38pm<b>1R1X0X0</b> - the 03/02/2015 at 9:49am<b>Brittin8or</b> - the 02/13/2015 at 9:59am<b>HarrisonX</b> - the 02/03/2015 at 6:51am<b>seabass0923</b> - the 11/16/2014 at 10:05pm<b>LamentedSugar27</b> - the 11/12/2014 at 2:07am<b>CareFreeBanana</b> - the 11/06/2014 at 11:29am<b>keiNan</b> - the 10/31/2014 at 12:47pm<b>Chaoticthor</b> - the 10/20/2014 at 10:17am

Fucked!<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 03/27/2015 at 1:02am<b>seabass0923</b> - the 11/17/2014 at 4:05am

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Judgmental

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audreys510's favorite FMLs

Today, I finished a dance competition. With competitions, it requires you to wear a lot of makeup like false eyelashes and red lipstick. I went into a Starbucks to get a coffee and a boy around 18 asked me, in all seriousness, what my rate is for one night. FML

by dancer, not a hooker... / 05/05/2013 at 1:01am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my dumbass colleague was too lazy to go buy balloons for a party in recognition of our company's huge merger. Instead, he made condom balloons. Let's just say you don't make blow up condoms for a prestigious company event. A company whose CEO is named Dick. FML

by ADickySituation / 05/05/2013 at 12:14am / United States (Illinois) / Work

Today, I walked into the living room to find my 11-year-old daughter about to kiss her "not my boyfriend" on the lips. When I asked what she thought she was doing, she peeled a piece of scotch tape off her lips and said, "It's okay! We're using protection." FML

by wtfmama / 05/04/2013 at 8:51am / United States (Wisconsin) / Kids

Today, I overheard my boyfriend admitting that he's only dating me because having me around "sucks a bit less than fucking my own hand". FML

by Anonymous / 05/03/2013 at 5:00pm / Germany / Love

Today, I had to go to the emergency room with my sister, due to involuntary muscle spasms she was having. They gave her a muscle relaxer which caused her to be extremely tired and loopy. She decided to start singing loudly with a song she made up about butt fucking. FML

by seekerglow176 / 04/27/2013 at 8:42am / United States (Massachusetts) / Health

Today, nobody wants to hang out with me due to a nasty rumor that my ex has spread. No one will tell me what was said, because I apparently "know full well" what I did. FML

by dabull / 04/27/2013 at 1:02am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I was getting ready to have sex with my boyfriend for the first time. It seems he thought I was a much larger cup size than I really am, because when he saw my actual boobs, he said, "Aaaaaaand they're gone". FML

by Anonymous / 04/27/2013 at 12:11am / United States / Intimacy

Today, at work at a farm, we got a new calf. It looked like it had to poop, but was having difficulty. About four hours later it still hadn't pooped. Turns out it was born without an actual butthole. It was there, just sealed up by skin. I literally had to cut this poor calf a new butthole. FML

by halliemarie1818 / 04/23/2013 at 10:01pm / United States / Animals

Today, at the exact moment that I leaned over to show my dad a picture on my phone, my boyfriend texted me: "I'm no weather man, but you can expect a few inches tonight." FML

by Anonymous / 04/17/2013 at 1:39am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend of 2 weeks said that he was going to cook me dinner. After waiting for the frozen pizza that he decided to make for me to be completely cooked, he said, "Oh I hate this part", reached into the oven with his bare hands and took out the pizza, all while screaming. He is 24. FML

by Anonymous / 04/11/2013 at 11:42am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my dad yet again uttered the words "well, that escalated quickly," while watching the news. He uses this godforsaken meme multiple times a day. I lost my shit and told him to just shut up already. He raised an eyebrow and said, "well, that escalated quickly." FML

by fuck you dad / 03/30/2013 at 2:17pm / Ireland (Monaghan) / Miscellaneous

Today, our dog jumped on the bed while my fiancé and I were having sex, and let out the most horrific fart. My fiancé, like a gentleman, held my nose closed while he continued banging me. FML

by cremyfrozentreat / 03/10/2013 at 9:40am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, at my mother's funeral, as everyone was around her casket for the viewing, my 5-year-old son in cluelessness of what was going on shouted, "Grandma is more fun when she isn't sleeping." Everyone cried. FML

by Anonymous / 02/25/2013 at 6:00pm / United States (New Jersey) / Kids

Today, a girl came up to me on the street and said, "You have like no swag, bro." Feeling clever, I said, "At least I have a high school education." She then took out her work ID, showing me that she was a surgeon, flipped me off, then walked away saying, "This is totally going on Facebook." FML

by Anonymous / 02/11/2013 at 10:26am / United States (Massachusetts) / Work

Today, my friend asked me to fix his laptop for him because it is loaded with viruses. When I turned it on and started searching for the problem, I couldn't find it. Luckily I was able to find a video of him banging my girlfriend. We've been together for eight years. FML

by hamandegger / 02/04/2013 at 3:17pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy