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In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!
Today, I finally got the courage to tell my parents that I'm gay. My mom said "Yeah, we know." When I asked how they knew, my dad, without looking up from the tv, said, "We've been monitoring your Internet history." FML
I agree, your life sucks (37920) - you deserved it (11542)
On 06/29/2009 at 1:41am - misc - by Asterisk1009 (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, one of my good friends confided in me about the affair she is having with our boss. She'd been sleeping with him for 3 months and told me they were in love, but it had to be kept quiet due to our company's very strict anti-fraternization policy . I'd been secretly seeing him all year. FML
I agree, your life sucks (44975) - you deserved it (16567)
On 06/20/2009 at 1:14pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Mexico)
Today, I heard my daughter scream at my son through the bathroom door, "Are you jacking off in there or something?" and him scream back at her "Shut up you fucking cunt!" My daughter is 7 and my son is 8. FML
I agree, your life sucks (97138) - you deserved it (56295)
On 06/10/2009 at 2:09pm - intimacy - by badmom (woman) - Canada (Quebec)
Today, I was alone in my friend's kitchen. I had "Don't Cha" stuck in my head all day so I decided to let it out by doing a slutty dance, including spinning around the support pole in the kitchen. I heard a noise outside and saw my friend's dad had been cleaning the windows. With a boner. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17618) - you deserved it (43069)
On 06/10/2009 at 9:51am - intimacy - by sluttydancer (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I was alone in my friend's kitchen. I had "Don't Cha" stuck in my head all day so I decided to let it out by doing a slutty dance, including spinning around the support pole in the kitchen. I heard a noise outside and saw my friend's dad had been cleaning the windows. With a boner. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17618) - you deserved it (43069)
On 06/10/2009 at 9:51am - intimacy - by sluttydancer (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I was taking a nap. Apparently, my two year old daughter decided to crawl on top of the covers on my bed because she was scared since there was a thunder storm. I thought she was one of our cats so I kicked her off. She hit the wall. FML
I agree, your life sucks (65839) - you deserved it (162837)
On 06/02/2009 at 2:03pm - animals - by fmlfmlfml (woman) - United States (California)
Today, my family was preparing a turkey for my grandma's birthday dinner when my aunt noticed a utensil on the counter and asked what it was for. My mom said it was used to keep the turkey's legs together. My aunt responded to her by saying, "Maybe you should get one for your daughter." FML
I agree, your life sucks (84811) - you deserved it (16563)
On 05/06/2009 at 12:57pm - intimacy - by Familyskank (woman) - United States (Minnesota)
Today, I was about to lose my virginity with my girlfriend of 2 years, when I got an urgent phone call from my 9-year-old sister, telling me I had to come home immediately. My grandma fell off the toilet and got stuck between the bowl and the wall. I'm not making this up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (207347) - you deserved it (10112)
On 05/03/2009 at 7:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States
Today, I went to my son's soccer game. I cheered his name at the top my lungs and waved with a grin on my face. I saw him whisper something to a team mate so I watched the film my husband took later that night. His friend asked, "Who is that?" and my son replied, "I don't know some fat bitch." FML
I agree, your life sucks (79742) - you deserved it (12409)
On 04/22/2009 at 5:46pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, I had a substitute teacher for my dance class. I noticed at one point, he took out a camera. The principle came in, everyone was going crazy, and the teacher was dragged out of the classroom. He was taking videos and pictures of us dancing. Turns out he was a registered sex offender. FML
I agree, your life sucks (85974) - you deserved it (3666)
On 04/20/2009 at 7:05pm - intimacy - by seriously (woman) - Canada (Nova Scotia)
Today, I found out that I'm pregnant. My husband and I have been trying to have a baby for a while, and I was very excited to tell him the news. When I opened his office planning to surprise him with the news, I saw him making out with a man. FML
I agree, your life sucks (380914) - you deserved it (21581)
On 04/19/2009 at 12:05am - intimacy - by soontobedivorced (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I was home alone while my mom went out to dinner. I decided to hop in the shower, and I noticed my mom left her douche in there. After, I texted her telling her what I found and that it was gross. Her response? "It's not gross. It came from my vagina, like you and your sister." FML
I agree, your life sucks (39884) - you deserved it (16864)
On 04/16/2009 at 11:08pm - health - by duuuuude (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)
Today, I was eating some left over Easter peanut MandMs at work, when I exclaimed "oh cool, they have E's on them for Easter". It took me a couple of minutes, but I eventually realized that I was looking at a regular MandM sideways. Definitely explains my coworkers' uncontrollable laughter. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9698) - you deserved it (55101)
On 04/16/2009 at 3:44pm - misc - by StewPit (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I went to a bar with two guys I was interested in. The first I'd been trying to go out with all semester. The second I had gone to dinner with and he seemed nice. I was the designated driver. They drank too much and, on the way home, hooked up in the back seat. FML
I agree, your life sucks (85640) - you deserved it (10680)
On 04/16/2009 at 4:40am - intimacy - by sad_gay (man) - United States (California)
Today, I took the bus to work and a sweet old lady got on after me and sat next to me. Halfway to work, she fell asleep and her head was on my shoulder. Trying to be nice, I gently tried to wake her up before my stop came. She wasn't sleeping. I let a dead woman lie on me for 30 minutes. FML
I agree, your life sucks (549029) - you deserved it (35313)
On 04/13/2009 at 10:11pm - health - by meteorbabe0101 (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Monday 20 May 2013
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