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audreyates's favorite FMLs
Today, I asked my boyfriend in a sexy way "What should we do now, honey?" He answered, "Suck my dick?" I said "I was thinking of something more... romantic." He replied "Suck my dick in the moonlight?" FML
by Anonymous / 10/13/2010 at 9:20am / Spain (Asturias) / Intimacy
by fungettingdressed / 10/12/2010 at 8:57am / United States / Intimacy
Today, I found out that my "I don't believe in pre-marital sex" boyfriend is the father of my younger sister's newborn baby. After four years of being in a serious, but sexless, relationship, I am now single, horny, and an aunt. FML
by Anonymous / 10/04/2010 at 12:04am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by blah blah daddy / 10/02/2010 at 7:08pm / United States (California) / Kids
by caughtorangehanded / 10/01/2010 at 6:12pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy
Today, after waiting all day to get into my favorite band's concert, I got front row. At the end, one of them grabbed my CD and got the whole band to sign it. The last band member tossed it into the crowd, nowhere near me. FML
by lovedontlivehere / 09/23/2010 at 7:49pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, after my husband's phone buzzed like crazy all morning, I decided to pick it up and see what all the fuss was about. He had three new picture messages from his "boss", naked and strapped to a chair with the caption, "Are you still coming over tonight?" We've been married for nine years and have two children. FML
by ashlee / 08/31/2010 at 2:07pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
by Embarressed... / 08/04/2010 at 6:25am / United Kingdom (Derbyshire) / Intimacy
Today, I was helping my friend create an online dating profile. When she got her search results, her #1 match was a blonde guy only 10 miles from her. His description: genuine, laid back, and ready for fun. He left off something kind of important. He's already married. To me. FML
by betrayed / 07/19/2010 at 1:36pm / United States (Missouri) / Love
by MandMandM / 07/19/2010 at 2:38am / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy
by pumpkinlover89 / 03/27/2010 at 4:26am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by SickSmick / 02/09/2010 at 7:22am / United Kingdom (Hertford) / Health
Today, I was in an elevator, and the hot girl who lives in my building and who I have a crush on got in. She was in a wheelchair with a broken leg, I panicked and tried to flirt with her, and I said 'Nice chair.' She replied 'Nice bruise' and punched me in the nuts. FML
by Anonymous / 01/16/2010 at 11:44am / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
Today, I met my boyfriend's notoriously difficult mother. I had been looking forward to meeting her and making a good impression. Unfortunately, I could not greet her as her son's penis was still in my mouth. FML
by pleasedtomeetyou / 01/13/2010 at 11:42am / United Kingdom / Intimacy
- Today, my mom had to go to one of her relatives’ funeral. She came to borrow a black scarf from me,… Today, my boyfriend wanted to show me that he listened to me yesterday: I said that I loved unusual… Today, I’m in China, and I took my Golden Retriever to the groomer’s to get him cleaned up, because…