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asylumlane

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asylumlane

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 315
  • Number of comments : 83
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About asylumlane : Quiet, honest, no time to pretend.

asylumlane's page activity

Visits<b>YouMadBra</b> - the 09/07/2014 at 9:39am<b>rolso</b> - the 09/06/2014 at 9:31am<b>Brandi_Faith</b> - the 08/19/2014 at 12:28am<b>Lilly2shoes</b> - the 06/15/2014 at 11:48pm<b>billionair11</b> - the 06/15/2014 at 10:25pm<b>therealjc</b> - the 06/15/2014 at 2:54pm<b>skittycat213</b> - the 06/15/2014 at 2:02pm<b>froggy101</b> - the 06/15/2014 at 12:56pm<b>ilikeirony</b> - the 06/15/2014 at 10:13am<b>hahatofunny</b> - the 06/15/2014 at 10:08am<b>myGRAM</b> - the 06/15/2014 at 10:05am<b>loladear</b> - the 06/15/2014 at 10:05am<b>enddmd</b> - the 06/15/2014 at 9:39am<b>deusetnatura</b> - the 06/15/2014 at 9:17am<b>BadlyBad</b> - the 06/15/2014 at 9:10am<b>BingleBop</b> - the 06/15/2014 at 8:42am<b>lajnuz1091</b> - the 01/14/2014 at 1:52am<b>149967</b> - the 01/13/2014 at 2:55pm

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asylumlane's favorite FMLs

Today, I woke up to my daughter crying, and my son running through the living room completely naked with her bottle, laughing his head off. FML

#21279992
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27905) - you deserved it (3033)

On 10/17/2014 at 6:30pm - kids - by KayyElOh94 - United States

Today, I was leading a tour of my university and saw a girl in ripped jeans and combat boots smoking a cigarette. I told her that she shouldn't be representing the school in such a manner. She shot back: "I'm a Presidential Scholar. Suck my dick, bitch." FML

#21278356
310 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25262) - you deserved it (50335)

On 10/15/2014 at 1:07pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Alabama)

Today, my drunk husband came home, got into bed, and started humping the body pillow. He ended up whining about how I hadn't come yet, then angrily slurred that I must be cheating on him. All I could do was stay quiet and wonder how the idiot even made it home alive. FML

#21266933
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45414) - you deserved it (3477)

On 09/28/2014 at 11:30am - intimacy - by tw@ (woman) - United Kingdom (Hertford)

Today, I was sitting on a bench at the local park, eating a banana. A guy old enough to be my grandfather walked by, turned to look at me, then said "Young man, I wish I were that banana." He walked away, and I almost blacked out choking on it in shock. FML

#21265897
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35638) - you deserved it (3641)

On 09/26/2014 at 4:40pm - misc - by Operation Yewtree here I come (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, at the restaurant where I work, a guest choked on a bone from her crosscut ribs. She asked me to bring the manager over, so I did. When he got there, she complained that the bone could have seriously injured her, and we should be more careful of where we put the bones in the ribs. FML

#21256772
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39168) - you deserved it (2562)

On 09/12/2014 at 4:05am - work - by Diachronic (man) - United States (Idaho)

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She just grabbed the ring and said in a raspy voice, "My precious..." FML

#21250558
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41660) - you deserved it (7860)

On 09/02/2014 at 2:58pm - love - by anonymous - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my girlfriend took our prank war way too far and had a package sent to me at home. Confused, I opened it. It contained a dildo and a bottle of lube. I didn't know my dad was watching over my shoulder until I heard him choke on his coffee and felt it splash over my neck. FML

#21241836
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45765) - you deserved it (7611)

On 08/20/2014 at 5:03pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I told my husband that I'm jealous of all the other girls whose husbands always take pictures of them together and post them online. He responded by posting a picture of himself, with me on the toilet in the background, captioned "The bitch on the pot." FML

#21241016
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43550) - you deserved it (16549)

On 08/19/2014 at 2:16pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my boss threw out the report I wrote for the board of directors. He said that if it were legal, he'd smash me in the balls with a brick for using Comic Sans. I had to do the whole thing again in another font with my coworkers snickering at me. FML

#21238351
207 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20191) - you deserved it (49475)

On 08/15/2014 at 5:35pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I got suspended from work after getting caught reading a work-related FML. Irony is funny, but it doesn't pay the bills. FML

#21226986
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32258) - you deserved it (15547)

On 08/01/2014 at 6:38pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I was carrying my four-month-old son in a checkout line. An older couple behind us remarked that I would spoil my son if I carried him everywhere. My son responded by projectile vomiting all over the wife, then looked at me and giggled. FML

Today, while in the yard, my 18-month-old son decided to take off running into the road, where a car was driving. I rushed after him, only for one of my dress straps to suddenly break without warning. It must have looked like I was trying to flag down the driver with my flailing tit. FML

#21183414
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42182) - you deserved it (5616)

On 06/21/2014 at 7:14pm - misc - by icandothecancan - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I woke to my drunk mother trying to vacuum the lawn. FML

#21147237
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46968) - you deserved it (4028)

On 05/21/2014 at 12:05pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I had to kick my own father out of my house after he started attacking my wife for breastfeeding our newborn son in the living room. All the way to the door, he ranted that "You don't see me whipping my dick out and pissing in front of everyone, do you?" FML

#21146270
263 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54093) - you deserved it (4798)

On 05/20/2014 at 1:27pm - misc - by Q - United States



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