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asylumlane

Offline (the 05/27/2015 at 9:14pm) | Search for a member

asylumlane

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 606
  • Number of comments : 91
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About asylumlane : Quiet, honest, no time to pretend.

asylumlane's page activity

Visits<b>Cautocracy</b> - the 05/27/2015 at 8:49am<b>Loomunati</b> - the 05/18/2015 at 10:54am<b>Mukuro</b> - the 05/15/2015 at 5:09pm<b>nhbasskid13</b> - the 04/28/2015 at 10:59pm<b>Hiimhaileypotter</b> - the 04/28/2015 at 7:44am<b>pgmonster</b> - the 03/26/2015 at 11:12am<b>flupsht</b> - the 01/19/2015 at 10:09am<b>phoneaddict13</b> - the 01/16/2015 at 5:44pm<b>twye</b> - the 01/13/2015 at 7:11am<b>firefighterwife</b> - the 12/08/2014 at 1:42pm<b>Compgeek1996</b> - the 11/17/2014 at 11:45pm<b>Toughsky</b> - the 11/14/2014 at 12:44am<b>tactfulmommy</b> - the 11/13/2014 at 4:06pm<b>foxwasalamb</b> - the 11/12/2014 at 11:57pm<b>bogglebeck</b> - the 11/12/2014 at 10:37pm<b>skittycat213</b> - the 11/12/2014 at 3:03pm<b>YouMadBra</b> - the 09/07/2014 at 9:39am<b>rolso</b> - the 09/06/2014 at 9:31am

asylumlane's FML badges

The Thumb strikes back

You have left your thumbprint on 2500 comments.

Inception

You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

See all of asylumlane's badges

asylumlane's favorite FMLs

Today, I was fired for not asking a senior citizen for proof that he was over 21 and legally allowed to purchase alcohol. When I told my manager he was clearly over 21, he replied, "But what if he WASN'T?" FML

#21412440
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29667) - you deserved it (3076)

On 05/19/2015 at 7:43am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I had to slowly explain to my brother that spooning has nothing to do with using a spoon to clean out a woman's vagina after sex. FML

#21410748
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31676) - you deserved it (2366)

On 05/15/2015 at 10:52pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my dad woke me up at 5am saying that there was dog shit on the carpet. I thought it was just a clever ruse to get me into the living room for a birthday surprise. It wasn't. There really was dog shit that I had to clean up, with no "Happy birthday"s even uttered. FML

#21397338
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30512) - you deserved it (2433)

On 04/21/2015 at 8:51am - animals - by 21ShitCleaner - United States (California)

Today, at a mind-numbingly boring support session, everyone was talking about their hardships. One guy was talking about losing his leg in a car accident. I was half-asleep and asked without thinking, "Did you ever find it?" I almost shat my pants at the roomful of death glares that followed. FML

#21389976
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17308) - you deserved it (32336)

On 04/08/2015 at 12:08pm - misc - by S to the HIT (man) - United States (California)

Today, I had my first therapy session for the issues caused by trying to please my overbearing, paranoid, self-centred mother. The first thing she did after we started driving home? Ranting at me and demanding to know if I'd been "talking shit" about her to my therapist FML

#21382942
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27003) - you deserved it (1849)

On 03/28/2015 at 11:50am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (West Sussex)

Today, while walking my dog, we came across two men having a heated argument in the street. My dog decided the perfect place to poop was right next to them. He wouldn't budge no matter what. Meanwhile, one of the men pulled a knife, and I practically shat myself. FML

#21374140
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29696) - you deserved it (2440)

On 03/13/2015 at 11:30pm - misc - by Anonymous -

Today, while walking out of a store eating a candy bar, a homeless man tried to run up and steal my candy. I stuck a leg out and tripped him. The only thing I could think of to yell at him was, "Swiper no Swiping". My kids have ruined my coolness. FML

#21366982
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (89) - you deserved it (24)

On 03/02/2015 at 11:57pm - misc - by Dad (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, a man asked me for directions outside of a local store. After about five minutes into the conversation, I noticed he had whipped his penis out and was stroking it. He then asked me if I liked what I saw. FML

#21362166
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37671) - you deserved it (3261)

On 02/23/2015 at 10:46pm - intimacy - by sammy18f (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I tried to blackmail my douchebag boss for a raise, since I had ample proof that he's screwing a co-worker. Turns out he and his wife are in an open relationship, and HR doesn't give a damn about office romances. Now I have to quit or deal with the most hostile work environment ever. FML

#21358578
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13640) - you deserved it (57346)

On 02/18/2015 at 1:06pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Norfolk)

Today, my bed fell through my floor. With me on it. FML

#21352624
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34817) - you deserved it (3322)

On 02/09/2015 at 8:26am - misc - by wtf?? - Saint Vincent and the Grenadines

Today, in the middle of my haircut, the hairdresser went into labor. They never finished cutting it. FML

#21347835
75 comments

Today, I babysat an 11 year old kid while his parents ate out. As soon as they left, the kid asked me if I wanted to be on the sex offender's list. Before I could even process that, he told me to stay out of his way and he wouldn't accuse me of anything. FML

#21341483
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36529) - you deserved it (2369)

On 01/21/2015 at 6:57am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I had lunch with my parents. I'm an Asian guy who married a Puerto Rican woman and we just had a boy. My dad looks at my son, then looks at me and says, "You ruined the bloodline." FML

Today, I signed into my online class, got bored, and took off my headphones to argue with my roommates about anal sex. At the end of the argument, I put my headphones back on to hear my professor asking if someone could call me to tell me to turn my damn mic off. FML



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  • It's the weekend so let's plaster on a fake smile and plough through this shit one more time. Sorry, I was channelling Bill Hicks there. I'll start again. Hi everyone, how are you doing? This week…

Friday 29 May 2015

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