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asylumlane

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asylumlane

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 262
  • Number of comments : 77
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About asylumlane : Quiet, honest, no time to pretend.

asylumlane's page activity

Visits<b>Brandi_Faith</b> - the 08/19/2014 at 12:28am<b>Lilly2shoes</b> - the 06/15/2014 at 11:48pm<b>billionair11</b> - the 06/15/2014 at 10:25pm<b>therealjc</b> - the 06/15/2014 at 2:54pm<b>skittycat213</b> - the 06/15/2014 at 2:02pm<b>froggy101</b> - the 06/15/2014 at 12:56pm<b>ilikeirony</b> - the 06/15/2014 at 10:13am<b>hahatofunny</b> - the 06/15/2014 at 10:08am<b>myGRAM</b> - the 06/15/2014 at 10:05am<b>loladear</b> - the 06/15/2014 at 10:05am<b>enddmd</b> - the 06/15/2014 at 9:39am<b>deusetnatura</b> - the 06/15/2014 at 9:17am<b>BadlyBad</b> - the 06/15/2014 at 9:10am<b>BingleBop</b> - the 06/15/2014 at 8:42am<b>lajnuz1091</b> - the 01/14/2014 at 1:52am<b>149967</b> - the 01/13/2014 at 2:55pm<b>D0nni3</b> - the 01/13/2014 at 1:18pm<b>katydid91</b> - the 01/11/2014 at 3:40am

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asylumlane's favorite FMLs

Today, my girlfriend took our prank war way too far and had a package sent to me at home. Confused, I opened it. It contained a dildo and a bottle of lube. I didn't know my dad was watching over my shoulder until I heard him choke on his coffee and felt it splash over my neck. FML

#21241836
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30996) - you deserved it (5522)

On 08/20/2014 at 5:03pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I told my husband that I'm jealous of all the other girls whose husbands always take pictures of them together and post them online. He responded by posting a picture of himself, with me on the toilet in the background, captioned "The bitch on the pot." FML

#21241016
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36159) - you deserved it (13114)

On 08/19/2014 at 2:16pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my boss threw out the report I wrote for the board of directors. He said that if it were legal, he'd smash me in the balls with a brick for using Comic Sans. I had to do the whole thing again in another font with my coworkers snickering at me. FML

#21238351
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18959) - you deserved it (46343)

On 08/15/2014 at 5:35pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I got suspended from work after getting caught reading a work-related FML. Irony is funny, but it doesn't pay the bills. FML

#21226986
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32134) - you deserved it (15495)

On 08/01/2014 at 6:38pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I was carrying my four-month-old son in a checkout line. An older couple behind us remarked that I would spoil my son if I carried him everywhere. My son responded by projectile vomiting all over the wife, then looked at me and giggled. FML

Today, while in the yard, my 18-month-old son decided to take off running into the road, where a car was driving. I rushed after him, only for one of my dress straps to suddenly break without warning. It must have looked like I was trying to flag down the driver with my flailing tit. FML

#21183414
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41739) - you deserved it (5539)

On 06/21/2014 at 7:14pm - misc - by icandothecancan - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I woke to my drunk mother trying to vacuum the lawn. FML

#21147237
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46925) - you deserved it (4024)

On 05/21/2014 at 12:05pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I had to kick my own father out of my house after he started attacking my wife for breastfeeding our newborn son in the living room. All the way to the door, he ranted that "You don't see me whipping my dick out and pissing in front of everyone, do you?" FML

#21146270
263 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54021) - you deserved it (4794)

On 05/20/2014 at 1:27pm - misc - by Q - United States

Today, my wife told my 7-year-old son that he looks just like me. He began crying and said, "I don't want to be ugly like him." FML

#21025291
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49170) - you deserved it (4444)

On 01/12/2014 at 3:03am - kids - by -_- - United States

Today, I watched "Time of the Doctor" and I'm pretty sure my love of Doctor Who slithered out through my ear and shamefully lodged itself in the darkest corner of the room, crying. FML

#21005939
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30877) - you deserved it (7937)

On 12/26/2013 at 7:08am - love - by anon - Australia

Today, at my job as a night janitor, at which I work alone, I saw an old man enter a bathroom. When I went to investigate, it was completely empty. I'm now scared to work. FML

#20987406
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53604) - you deserved it (3375)

On 12/10/2013 at 4:50am - work - by scared shitless (man) - United States (California)

Today, my wicked mother has been with us for a week. She's already thrown away my daughter's favorite toy, broke my computer, scratched my oak table, stained my most expensive shirt, peed in our bed, and called the attention of the cops by staring at kids in school. She's staying for three months. FML

Today, I called the police to report that my car had been keyed. I remember going to a bar last night and getting drunk. A surveillance camera revealed that after my drunken self couldn't unlock the door to my car, I punched the door and hurt my fist so bad that I keyed my own car. FML

#20977883
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18632) - you deserved it (48989)

On 12/02/2013 at 1:41am - misc - by car keyer (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I got a ticket for speeding in a school zone. The school hasn't even been built yet. FML

#20905615
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47780) - you deserved it (8421)

On 10/03/2013 at 2:23am - money - by joecool3426 (man) - United States

Today, my friend told me she turned down a job as a babysitter because she didn't want to be secretly videotaped, as she knew the people had a nanny cam. I wasn't aware of this when I took that same job a few nights ago and asked my boyfriend to come by. We had sex on their couch. FML

#20862871
225 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25885) - you deserved it (90118)

On 09/01/2013 at 5:57am - intimacy - by happyturtle (woman) - Croatia



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