About asylumlane : Quiet, honest, no time to pretend.
asylumlane's FML badges
Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
The Thumb strikes back
You have left your thumbprint on 2500 comments.
asylumlane's favorite FMLs
Today, I took my boyfriend of 2 years on a family vacation to meet my family for the first time. We all got really drunk and he made out with my dad. This was day one and we don't fly back for another 16 days. FML
by Anonymous / 04/02/2016 at 1:48pm / United States (Oregon) / Holidays
Today, a customer got angry with me, because store policy says we can't accept returns of unsealed video games unless there's actual damage to the disc. The guy got enraged and started yelling about how I'm a "useless fuckwhistle". I almost got written up for laughing so hard at the insult. FML
by Anonymous / 04/01/2016 at 4:21pm / United States (Louisiana) / Work
Today, I was driving to work and I got a text from my girlfriend. She said she was breaking up with me. I was a little heartbroken, but I had to get on with my day. I got to work and my boss fired me. Turns out, my boss and girlfriend have been having an affair and she told him to fire me. FML
by Anonymous / 03/22/2016 at 9:36pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, I'm seven months pregnant and going to college. I had to use the bathroom, but all of the bathrooms at my building were closed, so I had to walk to the next building, a block away. I didn't make it. FML
by Anonymous / 03/16/2016 at 12:21pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 03/07/2016 at 2:00pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, a student threw her hot coffee at me after I told her I was giving her an F. For months I've been telling her she needs to hand in missing work, but she thought I was bluffing. She got suspended, but my clothes are still ruined and I still got burned. FML
by KayleeFrye / 03/05/2016 at 12:39am / United States (Connecticut) / Work
by IhadToTakeCareOfTraumatizedFish / 03/03/2016 at 12:32am / United States (Texas) / Work
by anonymous / 02/25/2016 at 4:55pm / United States / Health
Today, I was in a car accident on the way to work. I called my boss and told him I had to deal with the police and the accident report and didn't know how long it would take. He got mad and said I "should have picked a better time to do this". FML
by Mycardoesn'tevenwork / 02/22/2016 at 3:16pm / United States / Transportation
by replaced / 02/21/2016 at 10:03pm / United States (Georgia) / Work
by This guy / 02/20/2016 at 9:53pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous
Today, my wife got fired for leaving work early once again. She's been doing random "spot checks" for the past month, convinced that she'll catch me cheating on her. This paranoid crap is exactly why I'm filing for divorce. FML
by Anonymous / 02/20/2016 at 7:53am / United Kingdom (Merton) / Love
by Anonymous / 02/19/2016 at 2:00pm / United States (Ohio) / Health
Today, I went to see a doctor because I have been feeling of pressure in my chest. After running numerous tests, I was told I was perfectly healthy and had nothing to worry about. I made it as far as the front door before I collapsed and had to be rushed to the hospital. FML
by yourekillingme / 02/18/2016 at 11:12pm / United States (Kansas) / Health
Today, I was threatened to be held back because of the lack of teacher-parent communication. My parents refuse to sign my report card because of my one mark below ninety percent. My teacher was dead serious about failing me. FML
by Anonymous / 02/16/2016 at 9:45pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love
- Today, I’m on vacation in Peru in the Amazonian forest. I woke up in the middle of the night to the… Today, I’m at this huge beach party in Thailand. I kiss a beautiful girl and decide to take it to… Today, on the road in China, I committed a small offense. A cop saw me, stopped me and told me that…