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asylumlane

Offline (yesterday at 9:32pm) | Search for a member

asylumlane

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 428
  • Number of comments : 88
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About asylumlane : Quiet, honest, no time to pretend.

asylumlane's page activity

Visits<b>flupsht</b> - the 01/19/2015 at 10:09am<b>phoneaddict13</b> - the 01/16/2015 at 5:44pm<b>twye</b> - the 01/13/2015 at 7:11am<b>firefighterwife</b> - the 12/08/2014 at 1:42pm<b>Compgeek1996</b> - the 11/17/2014 at 11:45pm<b>Toughsky</b> - the 11/14/2014 at 12:44am<b>tactfulmommy</b> - the 11/13/2014 at 4:06pm<b>foxwasalamb</b> - the 11/12/2014 at 11:57pm<b>bogglebeck</b> - the 11/12/2014 at 10:37pm<b>skittycat213</b> - the 11/12/2014 at 3:03pm<b>YouMadBra</b> - the 09/07/2014 at 9:39am<b>rolso</b> - the 09/06/2014 at 9:31am<b>Brandi_Faith</b> - the 08/19/2014 at 12:28am<b>Lilly2shoes</b> - the 06/15/2014 at 11:48pm<b>billionair11</b> - the 06/15/2014 at 10:25pm<b>therealjc</b> - the 06/15/2014 at 2:54pm<b>froggy101</b> - the 06/15/2014 at 12:56pm<b>ilikeirony</b> - the 06/15/2014 at 10:13am

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asylumlane's favorite FMLs

Today, I babysat an 11 year old kid while his parents ate out. As soon as they left, the kid asked me if I wanted to be on the sex offender's list. Before I could even process that, he told me to stay out of his way and he wouldn't accuse me of anything. FML

#21341483
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34660) - you deserved it (2156)

On 01/21/2015 at 6:57am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I had lunch with my parents. I'm an Asian guy who married a Puerto Rican woman and we just had a boy. My dad looks at my son, then looks at me and says, "You ruined the bloodline." FML

Today, I signed into my online class, got bored, and took off my headphones to argue with my roommates about anal sex. At the end of the argument, I put my headphones back on to hear my professor asking if someone could call me to tell me to turn my damn mic off. FML

Today, my step-dad explained to me why he doesn't need to wash his body. He condescendingly said, "Well when you shampoo your hair, the soap runs down your body and cleans everything." He's 37 years old. FML

#21329998
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29035) - you deserved it (2383)

On 01/03/2015 at 4:16pm - health - by Chicagoillinois (man) - United States (California)

Today, my sister turned the volume on my phone way up and changed the ringtone to a woman's blood-curdling scream. I found this out when she called my phone at 2am as I slept next to it. I pissed my pants and fell out of bed screaming in terror. I'll never hear the end of this. FML

#21313211
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37735) - you deserved it (3611)

On 12/07/2014 at 3:54pm - kids - by terdberglerforlyfe (man) - Brazil (Sao Paulo)

Today, my mom found my dildo, and got so angry that she beat me with it. FML

#21309415
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45485) - you deserved it (11767)

On 12/01/2014 at 12:55pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my boss said he's worried about our network, because "Wifi's all in the air. People could spy on us from anywhere!" I sarcastically said "My god, you're right!" and suggested switching to tin-foil ethernet cables to stop the signal escaping. He told me to do it ASAP. This moron makes five times my salary. FML

#21302784
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32407) - you deserved it (3546)

On 11/20/2014 at 3:15pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, like any other day since that stupid movie Frozen came out, people have been asking me if I want to build a snowman, like they're the funniest people on the planet. My name is Elsa. FML

#21297408
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44075) - you deserved it (3853)

On 11/11/2014 at 11:34pm - work - by elsatheannoyed (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I took a video of a fellow employee doing nothing but watching YouTube videos at work. When I showed the video to my boss, hoping he'd be reprimanded, I got fired for operating video equipment on company grounds. FML

#21293428
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26513) - you deserved it (33390)

On 11/06/2014 at 2:09pm - work - by NoJobNovember - United States (Ohio)

Today, after my shower, I went to clear off my fogged-up mirror. Doing so, I noticed a handprint on it. I compared it to my hand, but it was much too small. I live alone. FML

#21292770
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36373) - you deserved it (2421)

On 11/05/2014 at 3:44pm - misc - by spooked - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I woke up to my 7 year old son angrily trying to smother me with a pillow. FML

#21290572
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34987) - you deserved it (3891)

On 11/02/2014 at 2:47pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I went to the police station to find out if the tint on my new car's windshield was too dark. The officer took one look, told me that windshield tints are illegal in California, and ticketed me. So much for being honest. FML

#21285139
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31857) - you deserved it (8519)

On 10/25/2014 at 5:58pm - misc - by tanisLX - United States (California)

Today, I woke up to my daughter crying, and my son running through the living room completely naked with her bottle, laughing his head off. FML

#21279992
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29018) - you deserved it (3073)

On 10/17/2014 at 6:30pm - kids - by KayyElOh94 - United States

Today, I was leading a tour of my university and saw a girl in ripped jeans and combat boots smoking a cigarette. I told her that she shouldn't be representing the school in such a manner. She shot back: "I'm a Presidential Scholar. Suck my dick, bitch." FML

#21278356
316 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26569) - you deserved it (53128)

On 10/15/2014 at 1:07pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Alabama)

Today, my drunk husband came home, got into bed, and started humping the body pillow. He ended up whining about how I hadn't come yet, then angrily slurred that I must be cheating on him. All I could do was stay quiet and wonder how the idiot even made it home alive. FML

#21266933
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47854) - you deserved it (3537)

On 09/28/2014 at 11:30am - intimacy - by tw@ (woman) - United Kingdom (Hertford)



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