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astonedraccoon

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astonedraccoon
  • Town/Country : Virginia, USA
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Saturday 3 July 1993 (20 years)
  • Number of visits : 192
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About astonedraccoon : I'm here to laugh at the misfortune of others.

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astonedraccoon's favorite FMLs

Today, my ex-boyfriend of over 4 years decided to turn up outside my house at 1am, drunk off his ass, to confess his love for me. When I told him I'd moved on and am happily engaged, he cried on the grass for an hour, then tried to steal my cat. FML

#20423470
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38525) - you deserved it (3919)

On 12/26/2012 at 12:18pm - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I finally had sex with the guy I've been in love with for the past two years. Five minutes in, he passed out on top of me from a pain pill overdose and had a mini seizure. He finally woke up and groans, "Those bastards! They confiscated my clothes!" FML

#19966963
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18785) - you deserved it (3391)

On 07/21/2012 at 3:40am - intimacy - by Lucy - United States (California)

Today, I was using a penis pump for the first time. It was awesome until it sucked my left testicle into the tube. I'll be singing soprano for a while now. FML

#19949637
289 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10285) - you deserved it (37378)

On 07/17/2012 at 11:32am - intimacy - by tuggernuts (man) - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were in bed making out. He then tried to unhook my bra. After a full minute of trying unsuccessfully, he shouted "Fuck you, bra!" before hiding his face in the pillows. FML

#19877341
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25812) - you deserved it (3485)

On 07/01/2012 at 7:08pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, I learned that I do not possess the upper body, core, or leg strength to hold my girlfriend up during sex. I simultaneously collapsed and dropped her onto her coffee table. We are now both being treated at the hospital; her for glass wounds, me for a concussion. FML

#19864989
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11063) - you deserved it (18897)

On 06/29/2012 at 4:47am - intimacy - by bob (man) - United States (California)

Today, my fire alarm startled me so badly that I shit myself. FML

#16081373
216 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31816) - you deserved it (9482)

On 05/07/2011 at 6:27pm - misc - by Mel (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was having a conversation with my girlfriend about having kids. We were outside a hotel in front of those rotating glass doors. One of my friends ran at me as a joke, screaming like a caveman. I freaked out in a high pitched squeal, and tried to run inside the hotel. I ran in the wrong way. FML

#6992051
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4900) - you deserved it (15583)

On 12/28/2009 at 12:08pm - misc - by Spac3Ghost (man) - China (Beijing)

Today, while sitting next to me, my boyfriend sends a text to one of his "friends" saying "I'm thinking of you". FML

#1878
26 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18172) - you deserved it (1613)

On 01/20/2009 at 11:20am - love - by Wolf - Trinidad and Tobago (Saint George)



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