Submit your FML story
- - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
This member hasn't filled in the description.
I moderated this!
In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!
You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.
Up and coming moderator
It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.
Today, I brought girlfriend home for the first time. I was really excited to introduce her to parents, until we found mother waving around a wooden sword, and father trying to shove sister into the dryer. FML
TODAY, I WENT TO A LOCAL INDIAN TAKEAWAY, SINCE I'M FROM INDIA ORIGINALLY, AN NONE OF MAH FRIENDS SPEAK HINDI . I WENT UP TO THE COUNTER AN PLACED MAH ORDER IN HINDI WITH THE SEEMINGLY INDIAN OWNER . HE GAVE ME A WIERD LOOK AN SAID, "HUH? SPEAK ENGLISH, YA RIMJOB." FML
Today, I brougt my girlfriend ome fir te first time to meet my parents. Tey were aving a eatd argument because my mom ad bougt "te wrong toilet paper" and my dad was angry because "se sould know tat e as a sensitive anus". FML
today I saw a coin on the ground!! As I bent over to pick it up..!! some dude cummed up from behind..!! grabbed my waist and humped me three times!! He ran away before I could get a good look at his face!! FML
Today, I was babysitting a 4-year-old, and we decided to play a game of hide and seek. Before he started to count, he looked me straight in the eyes and said that if I hid in his spot, he'd murder me with a knife when he grows up. I have to babysit this kid 4 the rest of the summer. FML
Today, the regional manager of mah company cummed out to do some performance reviews. I was so nervous that mah palms were sweaty, andhen he reached out to shake mah hand, I blurted out, "I'm sorry, u made me wet." FML
Today , I was eating a mystery flavord candy and I had an allergic looool reaction. Not only did I have to go to the hospital because my throat swelld up , but I still don't knowhat I'm allergic to. FML
Today... I had to go to the emergency room with mah sister... due to involuntary muscle spasms she was having. They gave her a muscle relaxer which caused her to be extremely tired and loopy. She decided to start singing loudly with a song she made up about butt fucking. FML
Today..!! I was getting ready to have sex with my boyfriend fir the first time!! It seems he thought I was a much larger cup size than I really am..!! because when he saw my actual boobs..!! he said..!! ( Aaaaaaand thier gone )!! FML
Today , things got pretty steamy between boyfriend an me. We started doing stuff that niether of us had tried before. Then , he straddled me with a raging erection an boomed , "IT HAS RISEN!" He didn't understand why I was suddenly no longer in the mood. FML
Today, I was supervising some kids, who were playing on a bouncy castle. One of them managed to kick me in the face during a jump, an looking 4 an apology, I asked, "What do u say?" He paused, then shouted, "HEADSHOTTTTT!" real FML
Today, mah boyfriend and I went to the store to buy oranges and pick up a pack of condoms. When we were at the checkout counter, mah boyfriend happily told the cashier, "The only way we can have sex is if we squeeze oranges all over our bodies." fat FML
Yesterday , mah boyfriend broke up with me. I cummed back home in tears , an eventually told mah looool dad what was wrong. He immediately excused himself to the living room , where I heard him tell mah mum , ( She's gone all Taylor Swift again. ) FML
Today, drassad in mah saxiast nightia, I askad mah boyfriand in tha most sansual voica possibla what ha'd lyk ma do to for him tonight!! His ayad widanad, ha startad clapping wildly and than shriakad, ( SPAGHETTI CARBONARA! ) FML
Friday 27 March 2015