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asiancosmo's FML badges
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Who’s the fairest of them all?
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I agree, their lives suck
200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.
asiancosmo's favorite FMLs
by anon / 09/15/2012 at 1:35am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, my five-year-old daughter asked me why moms don't swallow clothes, so that their babies won't be born naked. My husband burst into derisive laughter, and has now trained her into responding to the name "Derp-Derp." FML
by -___- / 09/14/2012 at 7:06pm / Sweden (Stockholms Lan) / Kids
Today, I woke up to a glorious sunrise, fresh coffee, and a bleached lawn. My neighbors on both sides have constantly fought with each other since before I even moved in, which I guess explains the note taped to my window saying, "Pick a side." FML
by thefuckman / 09/14/2012 at 3:50pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend tried to spice things up by sneaking into the shower with me. Instead, he walked in on me pooping. I only had the shower running because I was afraid he would hear me taking a dump. FML
by Anonymous / 09/14/2012 at 10:50am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend and I had breakfast with his grandmother. She told him how I'm prettier than "that Mexican" he'd brought home for dinner last week. We had dinner with her last week, and I'm that same Mexican. She then went on to how Mexicans are what's wrong with the economy. FML
by MexicanMe / 09/14/2012 at 10:13am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I had a date with a guy from the Internet. I'm 6ft1, which tends to put potential dates off, so I'd slyly knocked a few inches off my description. Turns out he'd done the same. He'd added a whole foot to his height. I had to crouch to talk to him. FML
by TallGal / 09/14/2012 at 4:26am / United States (Arizona) / Love
by Anonymous / 09/14/2012 at 1:28am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
Today, after having a long talk with my mother about gays, she told me that she was totally open. I felt completely relieved, being gay myself. Seconds later, she said, "But not for you. I want you to find me a nice girl that can give me lots of grand kids." FML
by EvilMother / 09/13/2012 at 8:57pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
by blueballs / 09/13/2012 at 8:06pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, my boyfriend told me to text him when I got home to let him know I'd made it home safe. He said if I didn't, he'd assume that aliens had abducted me and that he'd get a new girlfriend. He was completely serious. FML
by TaffyMichele / 09/13/2012 at 7:38pm / United States (California) / Love
by Anonymous / 09/13/2012 at 1:46pm / United Kingdom / Love
Today, I had my first accident in 5 years of driving. I clipped a Ford Fiesta, mirror to mirror. His mirror is totally destroyed. Mine is fine. I was so stressed afterwards that I reversed straight into another car. FML
by Arcam / 09/13/2012 at 1:25pm / United Kingdom (Edinburgh, City of) / Money
Today, I invited my boyfriend to his first dinner out with my family. As my older brother was discussing the injuries he'd received while working as a tow truck driver, my innocent 10 year old brother piped up saying he should see what I did to my boyfriend's back with my nails. FML
by SerendipityRose / 09/13/2012 at 1:03pm / United States (California) / Kids
by Anonymous / 09/13/2012 at 1:30am / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy
Today, I came home from work to be given $1 by my mother. This normally would have been nice, had my mother not said, "I just sold that ugly old black and white picture frame you always leave lying around in your room." Which also would have been nice if that "frame" wasn't my Kindle. FML
by humorizer / 09/12/2012 at 4:44am / United States (Texas) / Money
- 1Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had… 2Today, I've stopped smoking, lost 30 pounds, taken several painful tests, and checked my ovulation… 3Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went…