ashleyrose005

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Offline (the 03/02/2015 at 5:58am)

ashleyrose005

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 556
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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ashleyrose005's FML badges

Judgmental

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It’s in the can

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ashleyrose005's favorite FMLs

Today, I found out that my son told my daughter at some point that "real" name for Hershey's Kisses is "blowjobs." I found this out because at kindergarten she was asked what her favorite food was. The teacher wasn't happy when she called me. FML

by Grant / 01/10/2013 at 7:51pm / United States / Kids

Today, I asked my mom what her biggest craving was when she was pregnant with me. Her answer: an abortion. FML

by kk / 01/09/2013 at 11:07am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, we got new seats in class today. The guy placed next to me, turned, looked me dead in the eye, and said, "The balls are the warmest place on the body" while his hands were in his pants. I'm stuck next to him for the rest of the semester. FML

by Anonymous / 10/30/2012 at 8:29pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, I sat in my boss' office as he bitched me out for being "too sarcastic" to our customers. After nearly half an hour of him criticizing my "piss-poor attitude," he asked me what I was going to do to fix it. Without thinking, I said, "Your mom." Now I'm jobless again. FML

by great / 02/10/2012 at 4:33pm / United States / Work

Today, I ordered a pizza. I paid and tipped the pizza guy, and instead of saying goodbye, I got tongue-tied and said, "I love you, boo." FML

by Musicfreak / 12/18/2011 at 6:36pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, one my friends died. All my crying gave me a headache, so I asked my boyfriend to bring me some aspirin. My headache didn't go away. Instead, I got diarrhea because my boyfriend gave me laxatives instead of aspirin as a "joke" to cheer me up. FML

by Anonymous / 12/09/2010 at 9:23pm / United States / Health

Today, I woke up to an unfamiliar male face right beside mine. I flipped out fell of my 4 foot raised bed and got a concussion. Who, you may ask, was in my bed? My Robert Pattinson pillowcase. FML

by Anonymous / 12/26/2009 at 10:09pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I came home from work and went to open the door. I Iooked in the window and saw a man in my house. Terrified, I called the police. They came, searched the house, and found nothing missing. I went back inside and looked through the window and saw him again. It was my reflection. FML

by Anonymous / 04/29/2009 at 7:12pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, my daughter walked in on me taking a shower. She said, "Hey, yours is the same size as Dylan's!" My daughter has seen Dylan's penis, which apparently is the same size as mine. My daughter and Dylan are 7. FML

by seriouslywtf / 04/27/2009 at 11:06pm / United States (Maryland) / Intimacy

Today, While I was running around the block I had this urge to spit. Suddenly I noticed this beautiful girl running in front me. Trying to impress her, I smiled and by mistake drooled everything on the pavement. She wasn't impressed. FML

by djteller / 04/24/2009 at 8:13pm / Israel (HaMerkaz) / Love

Today, I was mowing the lawn of my brand new house, located in a very nice neighborhood (I am a hispanic male), and a lady in her nice white cadillac drove up and asked me, in extremely broken spanish, if I could mow her lawn too. FML

by Michaelichael / 03/28/2009 at 4:17pm / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was baking cookies. When I took the tray out of the oven I closed the door, but it bounced back open and hit me in the back of the knees. That caused me to sit down on the hot oven door. I was just wearing my short bathrobe and no underwear. I really burned my ass and um...stuff. FML

by Monty / 03/01/2009 at 3:45am / United States (Oregon) / Health

Today, my boyfriend handcuffed me to the bed, naked. Someone pulled the fire alarm, and my boyfriend couldn't find the key. So he left me, and the Resident Advisor found me. The fireman had to cut the chain. FML

by hahahehehohohoo / 02/06/2009 at 10:55pm / United States (California) / Love