ashleyrose005

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Offline (the 03/02/2015 at 5:58am)

ashleyrose005

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 554
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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ashleyrose005's FML badges

Judgmental

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It’s in the can

Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!

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ashleyrose005's favorite FMLs

Today, in public, one of my mom's friends asked me how on earth did I get so tall, my mom happily scampered to my side and shrieked: 'TWO YEARS OF BREAST MILK'. FML

by Ohgodmother / 02/28/2014 at 4:06am / Australia (Tasmania) / Kids

Today, while playing a big basketball game, I had to run urgently to the bathroom because of a really hard diarrhea. I took the ball. FML

by took it / 02/09/2014 at 9:36am / United States (New York) / Health

Today, my boyfriend told me he doesn't think he should marry me, because I have kids. They're his kids. FML

by Tara115 / 02/09/2014 at 2:20am / Canada (British Columbia) / Love

Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. My hand-eye coordination went straight to hell and I managed to accidentally smack my nose into his penis. He told all his friends about it, and I'm apparently now known as Woodpecker. FML

by Anonymous / 02/08/2014 at 1:49pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, I decided to ask the guy I like if he'll be my Valentine. I wrote the question on a piece of paper and passed it to him, trying to be cute. He read it, wrote his answer with a smile, and passed it back. It said, "Depends, do you swallow?" No, no I don't. FML

by mariana / 02/07/2014 at 7:18pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, I accidentally texted a picture of my cock to my dad. FML

by Anonymous / 10/04/2013 at 7:36pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, my very conservative mom met my girlfriend, who recently shaved her head in support of her best friend, who has cancer. My girlfriend looks beautiful and feminine even with her still very short hair. My mom, however, keeps insisting that I'm dating "a confused transgender". FML

by Anonymous / 02/23/2013 at 8:42pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was talking to an attractive guy, but I was so nervous that I got tongue-tied and then blurted out, "Stupid autocorrect." FML

by tongue tied / 02/11/2013 at 3:57am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend and I were looking at engagement rings. When the store owner asked about our budget, my boyfriend said with a straight face, "Nothing too expensive, I have a big penis so I don't have to overcompensate by buying a big diamond." FML

by NewlyDread / 02/05/2013 at 9:31pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, I called security at my school because I left my mittens in a classroom and it was locked. When the security officer showed up, he asked if the mittens I was looking for were the ones on my hands. I even had to take one of them off to call them. FML

by swarm20 / 02/05/2013 at 12:24am / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous

Today, I took my new girlfriend to meet my grandmother. We were drinking coffee when my gran leaned to one side and let out a huge fart. Proud of herself, she added, "That one didn't pay his rent on time!" Coffee came out of my girlfriend's nose. FML

by jay ze punk / 01/29/2013 at 2:56pm / France (Rhone-Alpes) / Love

Today, I went to buy a birthday present for my boyfriend. While buying him a sweater, the cashier tried to up-sale me by asking if my boyfriend wore briefs or boxers, because both were on sale. Not thinking, I blurted out, "I don't know, they just come off." FML

by awkwardturtle / 01/25/2013 at 12:31am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, he reached out onto my dressing table to grab the lube. He missed, and found the hand sanitizer instead. I'm not sure who is in more pain. FML

by tingles / 01/19/2013 at 8:20am / United Kingdom (Solihull) / Intimacy

Today, my teenage son taught my five-year-old daughter how to fake her own death. I walked into the kitchen today to find her lying still on the floor, covered in ketchup. She laughed when I began to scream. FML

by Nightmare / 01/15/2013 at 9:41am / Kids

Today, a girl I follow on Twitter tweeted, "Why can't I have a cute math tutor?" I'm her math tutor. FML

by Anonymous / 01/14/2013 at 9:28pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous