Submit your FML story
- - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
About ashleybearr7 : Hello there. :)
My favorite colors are: purple, red, and lime green.
My current favorite tv shows: American Horror Story, South Park, Big Bang Theory, How I Met Your Mother, Two and A Half Men (the old ones with Charlie Sheen), Adventure Time, and Awkward.
My favorite bands/artists: Metallica, Avenged Sevenfold, Macklemore, BFMV, TDG, Hopsin, Eminem, Theory Of A Deadman, Tech N9ne, Iron Maiden, Luke Bryan, Puddle Of Mudd, AC/DC, Korn, Afroman, BVB, Bonjovi, Guns N' Roses, Daft Punk, Skrillex, Godsmack, Hollywood Undead, Kid Cudi, Kanye West, AND much, much more.
I love all types of music and LOVE listening to new songs so, if you want, suggest me some songs/artist.
I'm pretty opinionated and I speak my mind whenever I please, especially if I strongly agree/disagree with the topic.
I consider myself a pretty calm, laid back person.
I'd say I'm pretty friendly and open so if you ever feel like striking up a conversation, don't be shy. :)
You’ve used FML’s private messaging service for the first time. Will they reply? Wait and see…
You’ve filled out the necessary details. Having done so will be much appreciated.
I moderated this!
In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!
Today, after having sex for the first time with my girlfriend, I realised I was in love with her. I noticed she had an eyelash on her breast. After tugging it a few times I realised it was actually a single black nipple hair. She was so embarrassed, she kicked me out and now won't return my calls. FML
Today, I went to a urinal next to an elderly gentleman. As I was doing my business, he zips up and begins to leave. On his way out, he leans over my shoulder and whispers in my ear, "That's nice". FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. I felt down, so I laid in bed and told my parents I needed some alone time. A couple of minutes later, one of them started blasting "All by Myself" so loud that I felt the floorboards vibrate. FML
Today, a woman at work was complaining about her weight. She looked pretty thin, so to make her feel better, I said that she looked small. She said "Well, you haven't seen me naked." For some reason, I replied, "Not that you know of." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were in bed and I asked him why he was with me. His answer was, "Well, the last girl I dated was really smart and she always made me feel dumb, so I decided to switch things up a bit. You make me feel like a genius babe." FML
Today, in the middle of the night, I got up to go get some water. When I came back, I was going to flop onto my bed, but I faceplanted into my floor. I'd forgotten that I'd rearranged my room and moved my bed. FML
Today, I was in the mall for the second day in a row with my 7-year-old brother. As we walked past Santa he asked me, "Why does Santa look different today"? Not thinking, I said, "Because each mall has a different Santa." FML
Today, a friend informed me that my dog's name means "penis" in Greek. I live in a predominantly Greek neighbourhood, and apparently I've been screaming for "dong" every evening for the past 3 years. No wonder they don't talk to me much. FML
Today, I had plans for a romantic night with my boyfriend, who is perfect in every way possible. We were going to have sex for the first time as well. Unfortunately, I had a dream last night about him shitting all over me and I can't look at him with a straight face. FML
Friday 19 September 2014