Submit your FML story
- - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
About ashleybearr7 : Hello there. :)
My favorite colors are: purple, red, and lime green.
My current favorite tv shows: American Horror Story, South Park, Big Bang Theory, How I Met Your Mother, Two and A Half Men (the old ones with Charlie Sheen), Adventure Time, and Awkward.
My favorite bands/artists: Metallica, Avenged Sevenfold, Macklemore, BFMV, TDG, Hopsin, Eminem, Theory Of A Deadman, Tech N9ne, Iron Maiden, Luke Bryan, Puddle Of Mudd, AC/DC, Korn, Afroman, BVB, Bonjovi, Guns N' Roses, Daft Punk, Skrillex, Godsmack, Hollywood Undead, Kid Cudi, Kanye West, AND much, much more.
I love all types of music and LOVE listening to new songs so, if you want, suggest me some songs/artist.
I'm pretty opinionated and I speak my mind whenever I please, especially if I strongly agree/disagree with the topic.
I consider myself a pretty calm, laid back person.
I'd say I'm pretty friendly and open so if you ever feel like striking up a conversation, don't be shy. :)
You’ve used FML’s private messaging service for the first time. Will they reply? Wait and see…
You’ve filled out the necessary details. Having done so will be much appreciated.
I moderated this!
In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!
Today, I came home to find my girlfriend crying. Concerned, I quickly asked her what was wrong. She told me tearfully that she couldn't understand why her pet lizards hadn’t grown into dinosaurs yet, and that pet store had cheated her. I’m still concerned now, but for entirely different reasons. FML
Today, I was the last person in line for going on the bus. Incidentally, I was right behind a guy way taller and wider than me. When he got on the bus, the bus driver immediately shut the door behind him. I was left outside chasing after the bus. FML
Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. In the entrance way I felt a slight tugging on my jeans. Used to my Doberman tugging when he wants to play, I shoved hard with my foot. I successfully punted their Chihuahua off the ground and into the next room where it landed with a thud. FML
Today, my mother came back from her trip to Vegas. Her breasts were obviously 2 letter sizes larger. I asked if she got a boob job and she denied it, saying that it's against her religion. She's an atheist, and a liar. FML
Today, while having sex with my girlfriend on the bathroom floor, I felt something tickle my balls. I looked back to see her sister's kitten getting in on the action. I think I just had my first threesome. FML
Today, my 17 year old boyfriend's mother bought him a giraffe onesie. He refused to take it off and insisted on wearing it everywhere we go. We live in Australia and it's our summer now. So far he has passed out 3 times in public because he over heated, but he still won't take it off. FML
Today, I told my girlfriend that my identical twin and I are not in fact related, that he's adopted, and that the only reason we look exactly the same is because we eat and drink the same things. She actually believed it. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try some "prolonging gel" to help him last longer between the sheets. Surprisingly, it worked, and he lasted 3 times longer than usual. I can now enjoy 4 whole minutes of sex. FML
Today, I found out that my son told my daughter at some point that "real" name for Hershey's Kisses is "blowjobs." I found this out because at kindergarten she was asked what her favorite food was. The teacher wasn't happy when she called me. FML
Thursday 22 January 2015