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The names ashley✌
Alabama is where I call home
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ashley_burton_'s favorite FMLs
by ForeverAlone / 03/06/2013 at 5:28pm / United States (Missouri) / Love
Today, I told my mom that I heard something, and I think we have rats in the attic and should hire an exterminator. She looked at me and said, "Rats, huh? That's what the mom in The Exorcist thought, but it turned out to be the devil living up there." FML
by jkbeynon / 03/02/2013 at 11:18pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was sitting on the chair-lift on a ski trip. There was a shift in gears and the metal in the seat began to vibrate. My dad, sister, and step-mom were all on the lift with me, not feeling a thing. It's terribly awkward to converse with your family while you involuntarily orgasm. FML
by Frostbitten / 02/26/2013 at 10:00pm / United States (Maine) / Intimacy
Today, I was at a club when a notoriously desperate and disgusting guy asked me to grind with him. Hoping for some backup, I coolly said, "You'll have to ask my boyfriend." My boyfriend's response? "Yeah, man, I don't care." FML
by really / 02/19/2013 at 10:27am / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous
Today, as a firefighter, we were called to assist the ambulance crew with lifting a deceased patient out of a house. Little did I know, he had been dead inside for 3 weeks, and was bloated and popped like a water balloon when we attempted to move him. My girlfriend made soup for the evening meal. FML
by Fireguy92 / 01/31/2013 at 11:39pm / United States (Michigan) / Work
Today, when I woke up, I noticed something crawling on my bed. A white faced wasp was dragging the corpse of a rather large spider. I'm not sure what I was more disturbed about; the fact that the wasp was dragging something twice its size, or that these bugs even live in my house. FML
by klanciee / 07/15/2012 at 10:00pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
by NoThanksGrandma / 11/20/2011 at 2:37am / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 10/26/2011 at 10:14am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, I'd just finished feeding my parrot and sweeping all the seeds under the cage. As I was walking away, my parrot whistled. I turned around to see him get up onto the food dish, pick up a clawful of food and toss it on the floor. FML
by kemando / 10/06/2011 at 6:20am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous
by faded as shit / 09/26/2011 at 9:10pm / United States / Love
by Ghettogirl4life / 07/12/2011 at 9:34am / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous
Today, I met my boyfriend's notoriously difficult mother. I had been looking forward to meeting her and making a good impression. Unfortunately, I could not greet her as her son's penis was still in my mouth. FML
by pleasedtomeetyou / 01/13/2010 at 11:42am / United Kingdom / Intimacy
Today, I was sneaking over to my girlfriend's house. I sent her mother a text message thinking it was my girlfriend saying "There's a stalker coming in to make you his play mate ;]" Unfortunately when I got to her window I was greeted by her dad with a bat. FML
by Ohfman117 / 08/11/2009 at 4:30pm / United States (New York) / Love
by BeboKhaos / 08/03/2009 at 10:37pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
- Today, I went to my friends house that I haven't heard from in two weeks. Literally had to take a… Today, my boyfriend went to the ER. I ran to catch the nearest city bus. My sandal breaks. I had to… Today, I decided to sink low enough to sign up for one of those 'get paid for taking a survey site'…
- Today, because I’m on my period, I asked my boyfriend to turn around so I could change my clothes.… Today, my boyfriend whispered to me, “I’m so tired of these fucking mosquitos.” When I asked why he… Today, on my way home to Bordeaux after a weekend in Paris, I had the pleasure of being sat next to…