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ashley12356's favorite FMLs
Today, I allowed my five-year old daughter to paint my fingernails during a living-room "picnic" we were having. A while later I got called back in to work for an emergency meeting. When I arrived at the meeting I noticed my fingernails were still neon-green. I am a 40-year old man. FML
by psychortiz / 06/03/2009 at 1:40pm / United States (California) / Kids
Today, 5 hours into my shift in a cafe I realized there were two stickers on my back that read: "Don't touch my no-no square" and "I wear diapers." I make food with my back to customers all day and I walk through the seating area delivering food. No one said anything. FML
by kekumbas / 05/05/2009 at 2:11am / United States (Illinois) / Work
by Anonymous / 04/06/2009 at 5:50pm / United States (Georgia) / Love
Today, my boss forgot her meeting with an official from the military base and called to ask me to handle it. The very cute Marine showed up that afternoon and we talked for an hour. After he left, I realized I had forgotten about the paper mustache I taped to my face for fun that morning. FML
by Jaeda / 03/12/2009 at 4:04pm / United States (Washington) / Work
Today, I went to visit my Grandmother, accidentally leaving my phone home during the weekend. When I got back I had 2 texts from my crush. One saying "I want to take the most beautiful girl to prom, go with me?" and the other saying, "Fine fattie, I'll ask someone else." FML
by promdump / 03/06/2009 at 9:55pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love
by EK / 02/16/2009 at 6:36pm / United States (North Carolina) / Love
by yerbuagalapagos wonder / 02/06/2009 at 4:50pm / Ecuador (Galapagos) / Transportation
Today, I was sitting on the bus on my commute to work, when I nodded off on the charming young man next to me. Something cold and wet touched me, and I looked down to see a small pool of my saliva collecting on my chest. The man thought this was hilarious. FML
by Kerlane / 12/04/2008 at 10:45pm / Transportation
- Today, I sent my boyfriend a dirty picture to turn him on. He texted back: "Jfc, why wud u tease me… Today, I had to explain to my doctor and parents that I dislocated my shoulder while masturbating.… Today, my girlfriend announced to everyone at dinner that she was no longer a virgin. This was news…