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Offline (the 11/20/2014 at 7:39am) | Search for a member



  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1063
  • Number of comments : 3
  • Number of FMLs : 1 confirmed out of 2 posted

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ashlan's page activity

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ashlan's favorite FMLs

Today, my husband and I announced at a family get-together that I'm pregnant with our fourth child. My dad sighed, and spent the rest of the evening acting moody and eventually muttering about how he'd raised a "damned brood mare." FML


I agree, your life sucks (41022) - you deserved it (9697)

On 05/18/2014 at 3:14pm - misc - by Anonyname (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, it's five days until my wedding and I still can't tell my bride apart from her twin sister. They share clothes, have the same haircut, and they even take turns flirting with me to "catch me off guard" because they think it's hilarious to trick me. I'm scared I'll marry the wrong one. FML


I agree, your life sucks (68184) - you deserved it (8559)

On 05/08/2014 at 9:55am - love - by STOP (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my drunken self became a vaguely racist poet. I am now the author of a four-page poem entitled "Chocolate Men". FML


I agree, your life sucks (32547) - you deserved it (16960)

On 03/23/2014 at 11:40pm - misc - by chocochoco - United States (New York)

Today, I took my girlfriend out to a vegetarian-friendly restaurant. She ordered shrimp fettuccine, and I asked why. She slowly explained to me that vegetarians can eat shrimp, then muttered that she now knows who has the brains in our relationship. FML


I agree, your life sucks (48108) - you deserved it (6247)

On 02/11/2014 at 4:50pm - love - by not even getting any of her shrimp (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, I came home from a night out with the lads. My girlfriend refused to make love to me, saying my sperm were drunk and would raise hell in her uterus. FML


I agree, your life sucks (48068) - you deserved it (15590) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 02/09/2014 at 10:39pm - intimacy - by vegas-81 - France

Today, while I was fooling around with my girlfriend, she hurt her hand. It obviously wasn't very serious, so I told her to stop faking it. She responded, "Wanna know what I actually fake? My orgasms." FML


I agree, your life sucks (38044) - you deserved it (61408)

On 01/18/2014 at 5:55pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my roommate, who has bipolar disorder and refuses to take his meds, tried to stab me with a kitchen knife because I threw out his moldy cheese. FML


I agree, your life sucks (45814) - you deserved it (5319)

On 01/17/2014 at 10:48pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I pretended to cry in front of my cat because she doesn't cuddle with me anymore. Yeah, I tried to guilt-trip my cat into loving me. FML


I agree, your life sucks (42791) - you deserved it (11415)

On 12/24/2013 at 11:53am - animals - by PityKitty (woman) -

Today, my boss found out that my girlfriend dumped me. He asked if that meant she would no longer bring her delicious homemade cookies to the office. When I said yes, he fired me on the spot. FML


I agree, your life sucks (50147) - you deserved it (3217)

On 12/12/2013 at 10:08pm - work - by justin (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my partner walked in the room wearing a sweater from my wardrobe, making jokes about it and saying how ugly it was. That sweater was the last thing my father wore before he passed away. FML

Today, I got my girlfriend to play Smash Bros Brawl with me. As it was her first time, I set up handicaps to give her at least a shot at winning. She won, quite handily. A little irritated at this, I took off the handicaps and tried again. She beat me even faster. FML


I agree, your life sucks (41455) - you deserved it (24690)

On 08/21/2013 at 11:17am - misc - by Loser (man) - United States

Today, while cleaning my ears with Q-tips, I came in my pants. FML


I agree, your life sucks (51545) - you deserved it (18335)

On 08/13/2013 at 7:53pm - intimacy - by ANON (man) - United States (California)

Today, while using a restroom in Walmart, an old lady with a cane hobbled in screaming, "I smell someone making sin!" She would not stop tapping on the door with her cane till I came out. FML


I agree, your life sucks (44387) - you deserved it (3015)

On 07/28/2013 at 10:16pm - health - by DreamStatic - United States (Georgia)

Today, my phone went off, reminding me to take my birth control. Instead of vibrating as per usual, it rang. The ringtone had been changed to my boyfriend singing "It's birth control time, birth control time, take your pill, or I'll say it ain't mine." I was sitting in a quiet waiting room. FML


I agree, your life sucks (59559) - you deserved it (9786)

On 07/26/2013 at 9:14pm - misc - by turning red - United States

Today, my parents took my iPad back to the store and exchanged it for two cheap knock off tablets. Reason being my little brother threatened to run away because I had one and he didn't. I bought the iPad on my own after graduation. They kept the difference in price. FML

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