ashlan

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Offline (the 11/20/2014 at 7:39am)

ashlan

1Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1283
  • Number of comments : 3
  • Number of FMLs : 1 confirmed out of 2 posted

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ashlan's page activity

Visits<b>arealsexybitch</b> - the 03/22/2016 at 12:37am<b>Liamj774</b> - the 03/08/2016 at 12:58pm<b>cocomalo8</b> - the 12/01/2015 at 6:57pm<b>Triplehinge</b> - the 11/30/2015 at 2:51am<b>Walmartian2015</b> - the 10/13/2015 at 2:07pm<b>10220706</b> - the 10/09/2015 at 1:48pm<b>SashaTaras</b> - the 09/12/2015 at 3:25pm<b>eminemineminem</b> - the 09/02/2015 at 8:34pm<b>feitan98</b> - the 09/02/2015 at 4:53pm<b>Malfry</b> - the 08/03/2015 at 2:30pm<b>myeviltwin</b> - the 07/28/2015 at 6:46pm<b>percussionnerd</b> - the 07/19/2015 at 1:59pm<b>Justin1459</b> - the 07/18/2015 at 2:34am<b>172pilot</b> - the 07/10/2015 at 11:39pm<b>snipebp</b> - the 05/04/2015 at 3:12pm<b>_Willa_</b> - the 04/12/2015 at 12:13pm<b>jjjoey4</b> - the 04/12/2015 at 10:03am<b>destri23es</b> - the 03/24/2015 at 7:08pm

Fucked!<b>Walmartian2015</b> - the 10/13/2015 at 8:07pm

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ashlan's favorite FMLs

Today, my husband and I announced at a family get-together that I'm pregnant with our fourth child. My dad sighed, and spent the rest of the evening acting moody and eventually muttering about how he'd raised a "damned brood mare." FML

by Anonyname / 05/18/2014 at 3:14pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous

Today, it's five days until my wedding and I still can't tell my bride apart from her twin sister. They share clothes, have the same haircut, and they even take turns flirting with me to "catch me off guard" because they think it's hilarious to trick me. I'm scared I'll marry the wrong one. FML

by STOP / 05/08/2014 at 9:55am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love

Today, my drunken self became a vaguely racist poet. I am now the author of a four-page poem entitled "Chocolate Men". FML

by chocochoco / 03/23/2014 at 11:40pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I took my girlfriend out to a vegetarian-friendly restaurant. She ordered shrimp fettuccine, and I asked why. She slowly explained to me that vegetarians can eat shrimp, then muttered that she now knows who has the brains in our relationship. FML

by not even getting any of her shrimp / 02/11/2014 at 4:50pm / United States (Utah) / Love

Today, I came home from a night out with the lads. My girlfriend refused to make love to me, saying my sperm were drunk and would raise hell in her uterus. FML

by vegas-81 / 02/09/2014 at 10:39pm / France / Intimacy

Today, while I was fooling around with my girlfriend, she hurt her hand. It obviously wasn't very serious, so I told her to stop faking it. She responded, "Wanna know what I actually fake? My orgasms." FML

by Anonymous / 01/18/2014 at 5:55pm / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy

Today, my roommate, who has bipolar disorder and refuses to take his meds, tried to stab me with a kitchen knife because I threw out his moldy cheese. FML

by Anonymous / 01/17/2014 at 10:48pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I pretended to cry in front of my cat because she doesn't cuddle with me anymore. Yeah, I tried to guilt-trip my cat into loving me. FML

by PityKitty / 12/24/2013 at 11:53am / Animals

Today, my boss found out that my girlfriend dumped me. He asked if that meant she would no longer bring her delicious homemade cookies to the office. When I said yes, he fired me on the spot. FML

by justin / 12/12/2013 at 10:08pm / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, my partner walked in the room wearing a sweater from my wardrobe, making jokes about it and saying how ugly it was. That sweater was the last thing my father wore before he passed away. FML

Today, I got my girlfriend to play Smash Bros Brawl with me. As it was her first time, I set up handicaps to give her at least a shot at winning. She won, quite handily. A little irritated at this, I took off the handicaps and tried again. She beat me even faster. FML

by Loser / 08/21/2013 at 11:17am / United States / Geek

Today, while cleaning my ears with Q-tips, I came in my pants. FML

by ANON / 08/13/2013 at 7:53pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, while using a restroom in Walmart, an old lady with a cane hobbled in screaming, "I smell someone making sin!" She would not stop tapping on the door with her cane till I came out. FML

by DreamStatic / 07/28/2013 at 10:16pm / United States (Georgia) / Health

Today, my phone went off, reminding me to take my birth control. Instead of vibrating as per usual, it rang. The ringtone had been changed to my boyfriend singing "It's birth control time, birth control time, take your pill, or I'll say it ain't mine." I was sitting in a quiet waiting room. FML

by turning red / 07/26/2013 at 9:14pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my parents took my iPad back to the store and exchanged it for two cheap knock off tablets. Reason being my little brother threatened to run away because I had one and he didn't. I bought the iPad on my own after graduation. They kept the difference in price. FML

by evilmuffinlord / 06/18/2013 at 2:34am / United States (Texas) / Kids

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