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asharnell

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asharnell

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  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 536
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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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asharnell's favorite FMLs

Today, my mother followed me to work to see what I got up to. I'm a fitness instructor in a ground floor gym that has big windows overlooking the street. She stood outside and waved at me for half an hour, while I tried to concentrate on teaching a visibly amused class. FML

#17836220
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21696) - you deserved it (1958)

On 09/26/2011 at 12:28am - work - by Username - United States (Illinois)

Today, I decided to work out. Being too embarrassed to run in public, I instead ran in circles in my basement. FML

#17666764
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29077) - you deserved it (14025)

On 09/05/2011 at 12:38am - health - by Anonymous - Canada (Quebec)

Today, my report card finally came in. My mom took one look at it and told me that if I'm not going to take my grades seriously, I might as well start looking for a sugar daddy. But first, I apparently need to work on prettying myself up. FML

#17644217
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23007) - you deserved it (8024)

On 09/02/2011 at 12:58pm - misc - by tryingtobepretty101 (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, thinking I was alone in a public bathroom, I started singing the words to my favorite song. A minute later that I heard a toilet flush, so I just sat there petrified. The other person sarcastically picked up the singing from where I left off. FML

#17439919
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12795) - you deserved it (32862)

On 08/11/2011 at 12:09pm - misc - by bathroomgirl (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found out that my German wasn't as great as I thought it was. Trying to give directions to some German tourists, I tried to say, "I hope I don't get you lost." Turns out I actually said something closer to, "I hope I don't seduce you." FML

#17388195
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23346) - you deserved it (5623)

On 08/06/2011 at 3:10pm - misc - by lostforwords (woman) - Ireland (Tipperary)

Today, I finally started doing cardio and getting in shape. What motivated me to do it? Watching a zombie movie. The slow ones bite the dust first. FML

#17355150
294 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26374) - you deserved it (7831)

On 08/03/2011 at 12:55pm - health - by indierocklove - United States (Virginia)

Today, I called my boyfriend to let him know that after he gets off work, he can find me in his room wearing something sexy. He responded with, "Please don't touch anything." FML

#17299203
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30431) - you deserved it (4843)

On 07/29/2011 at 3:56pm - intimacy - by Elizabeth (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I ran out of gas while driving, and had to call a tow truck. I drive a tow truck. FML

#17259665
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15560) - you deserved it (26185)

On 07/25/2011 at 10:03pm - misc - by j - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me by tossing the ring at me and saying "Here, wear this." FML

#17194109
354 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48182) - you deserved it (7819)

On 07/20/2011 at 7:07pm - love - by Username - United States

Today, I discovered that when you buy ropes, duct tapes, a shovel, razor blades, a fire poker, and a carton of cigs, the police can turn up and search your house for 'prisoners'. Those items were actually coincidental. FML

#17182524
223 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34226) - you deserved it (7157)

On 07/19/2011 at 9:51pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)

Today, after spending over $1000 on plane tickets, I'm visiting my family for the first time in five years. Two hours after I arrived, everyone is screaming at each other and taking their rage out on me. They still ask why I never visit. FML

#17157621
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29535) - you deserved it (3108)

On 07/18/2011 at 1:09am - misc - by Kurochrome - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my mom tried to sell me a bag of rice, with "Cocaine" written on the side of it in sharpie pen. In exchange for my soul. FML

#16993109
252 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33826) - you deserved it (3612)

On 07/05/2011 at 10:54pm - misc - by Username - United States

Today, my mom said we are having a party for the 4th of July. Her definition of a party is my grandma coming over. FML

#16974064
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27564) - you deserved it (3577)

On 07/04/2011 at 3:06pm - misc - by Kate - United States (Illinois)

Today, as I passed my fiancé the pancakes I had just made, he vocalised his happiness with a groan that was EXACTLY like the one he makes when we have sex. So on a sexiness rating, I'm a pancake. FML

#16830910
354 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35469) - you deserved it (9761)

On 06/24/2011 at 6:45am - intimacy - by Eve (woman) - Ireland (Cork)

Today, my boyfriend told me I looked pretty. I said, "Aww, that's the first time you've said that to me." He replied, "Well, it's the first time you've looked pretty." FML

#16341966
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47359) - you deserved it (9019)

On 05/25/2011 at 12:06pm - love - by Username - United States (California)



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