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asap64

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asap64

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  • Number of visits : 181
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asap64's page activity

Visits<b>klovemachine</b> - the 05/05/2013 at 10:49pm

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asap64's favorite FMLs

Today, I was getting ready, when I heard my dad in the shower. He was singing along to the song "The Wheel in the Sky" by Journey. Except he'd changed the lyrics and was singing, "The dick on this guy needs a rubbin'." It turns out my mom was in the shower with him. FML

#20634724
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61731) - you deserved it (4983)

On 05/01/2013 at 12:13pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I had to go to the emergency room with my sister, due to involuntary muscle spasms she was having. They gave her a muscle relaxer which caused her to be extremely tired and loopy. She decided to start singing loudly with a song she made up about butt fucking. FML

#20624720
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49779) - you deserved it (4694)

On 04/27/2013 at 8:42am - health - by seekerglow176 - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I got hit by a car while riding my bike. Instead of coming to my aid, the driver just laid on his horn and screamed out the window for me to move my ass, because he had places to be. FML

#20609136
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48459) - you deserved it (4915)

On 04/21/2013 at 12:11am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I went on my first date. Everything went great until I went to brush my date's hair over her ear like they do in the movies. I poked her dead in the eye. FML

#20606348
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43088) - you deserved it (14735)

On 04/19/2013 at 10:55pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was the victim of a drive-by egging by some bastard riding a segway. He still got away. FML

#20606053
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39683) - you deserved it (8673)

On 04/19/2013 at 9:16pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - New Zealand

Today, it has been over 3 months since my housemates ended their 1 month long relationship. He's still creepily obsessed with her. He picked the bathroom lock when I was in the shower and tried to get in, and then called me a "fucking c*nt" when he realised it was me in there, not her. FML

#20604478
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51467) - you deserved it (4001)

On 04/19/2013 at 7:44am - misc - by pleasekillme (woman) - United Kingdom (East Sussex)

Today, I got cut from my track team. My coach told me it was because my sprints were "too fast" for his liking. Huh? FML

#20602567
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52510) - you deserved it (3491)

On 04/18/2013 at 4:34pm - misc - by bhnja_ (man) - Philippines (Mandaue)

Today, I briefly left my laptop while I went to use the toilet. When I came back, I found "I" had posted on Facebook, calling my mom a "stupid cunt who should just stay in the kitchen." The only other person home at the time was my grandpa. She didn't believe it, and permanently grounded me. FML

#20602422
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43413) - you deserved it (5224)

On 04/18/2013 at 3:30pm - misc - by phonesmuggler (man) - United States

Today, I met my new girlfriend at her house for the very first time. And her 17 cats, whose names all begin with the letter "K", because they're all "kewl kats." FML

#20601896
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53367) - you deserved it (8643)

On 04/18/2013 at 10:37am - love - by obnum - United States

Today, I had to explain to a woman why she wasn't allowed to squeeze all the contents of the sample lotion bottle into her own bottle. She threw a fit, and dumped the whole bottle on my head. FML

#20601226
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42367) - you deserved it (3712)

On 04/18/2013 at 12:00am - work - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I left my son with my husband while I went to the store. Ten minutes later, my dog was missing a large patch of fur, and neither of them can stop laughing. FML

#20599149
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38855) - you deserved it (7457)

On 04/17/2013 at 11:14am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I learned two things. First, my girlfriend loves sex. Second, I'm practically the only one she hasn't had sex with in the 2 months we've been dating. FML

#20598610
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57916) - you deserved it (5625)

On 04/17/2013 at 2:14am - love - by rawdoglyfe69 - United States (Montana)

Today, I admitted to my parents that I'm a pathological liar and I would like to go get help. They didn't believe me, and told me stop making stuff up. FML

Today, my virginal girlfriend of a year graduated from veterinary school. She can shove her arm shoulder-deep up a cow's ass without blinking, but still feels too insecure to even touch my penis. FML

#20596452
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68610) - you deserved it (17863)

On 04/16/2013 at 1:44pm - intimacy - by Gurior - Canada

Today, working in customer support, I received a call from a woman who'd just been robbed. My supervisor asked what was taking so long; I told him that she was hysterical. He took my phone and told her to call back when she had her "shit together", then hung up. I take orders from this man. FML

#20595880
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40106) - you deserved it (3585)

On 04/16/2013 at 6:50am - work - by no compassion - United States (Colorado)



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