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Today, after several years of having her help me out by doing household chores, I bought my fifteen-year-old daughter a new pair of jeans. Her reaction was to squeal, "Master has presented Dobby with clothes. Dobby is free!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (3335) - you deserved it (14322) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
Today, while I was in the break room at work, one of my coworkers walked in on me playing with my animal crackers, complete with animal noises. Now, the entire department won't stop teasing me and calling me Tarzan. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8920) - you deserved it (21570)
On 01/02/2012 at 3:55pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, my fiancé told me he wants a security guard to come with us on our honeymoon to Hawaii. Apparently, watching Dog the Bounty Hunter has made him feel unsafe. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16139) - you deserved it (1675)
On 11/28/2011 at 8:50pm - love - by DoggyBlues - United States (California)
Today, I got a letter of complaint from my landlord. It said my loud, obnoxious trampling is disturbing my downstairs neighbor, and I have to stop. I'm small and hardly weigh anything, but it seems that if I want to keep my lease, I'll have to master the art of levitating. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19215) - you deserved it (1893)
On 11/18/2011 at 3:49pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)
Today, I broke up with my girlfriend. She responded by sitting on the floor, crying like a baby and screaming "WHY?" at strangers. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19714) - you deserved it (7834)
Today, just after waking up, I caught a glimpse of my girlfriend in the mirror. Not knowing I was awake, she sniffed at her armpits, started gagging, then quietly came back to bed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21377) - you deserved it (2603)
On 09/02/2011 at 12:31pm - love - by Harry Dare - United Kingdom (Walsall)
Today, I went to a club. The only guy who asked me to dance introduced himself as "Bird Dog." FML
I agree, your life sucks (17646) - you deserved it (2193)
On 08/26/2011 at 3:35am - love - by EpicMayonnaise (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, my girlfriend woke me up at 5 am because she thought someone was watching her from the park. It was a trash can. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19596) - you deserved it (2135)
On 08/18/2011 at 6:02am - misc - by boyfriend123 - United States
Today, I asked the girl I like to send me 'yummy pictures.' I got a picture of cheesecake. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7836) - you deserved it (65904)
On 07/22/2011 at 2:29am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)
Today, my girlfriend, who is very self conscious about her body, finally decided to have sex with me. She told me to wait a few minutes, so I did. I stripped and turned around to find her in a one-piece swimsuit, with a hole cut out of the crotch. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23245) - you deserved it (2415)
On 07/13/2011 at 1:02am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)
Today, as I was going to bed, I spotted a man staring at my window from a neighbor's yard. Ten minutes later, he was still there. I freaked out, started crying, and contemplated calling the cops. My creeper turned out to be the neighbor's wooden lawn ornament. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9255) - you deserved it (23018)
On 06/30/2011 at 5:10pm - misc - by Nell (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, I ran out of breath while mowing the lawn. I was on a riding lawn mower. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7412) - you deserved it (34786)
On 06/13/2011 at 9:08pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)
Today, I had a parent-teacher conference with my 8 year old son. He'd written "Chuck Norris" as the answer for every question on his test. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29708) - you deserved it (7725)
On 05/17/2011 at 12:54am - kids - by yobruh -
Today, my husband and I had the grand opening to our new winery. We had a big sign out front saying "FREE GRAPES", to try and get more people interested. People kept giving us dirty looks when passing. We later realized there was something covering the "G". FML
I agree, your life sucks (25355) - you deserved it (7266)
On 04/24/2011 at 12:10am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I was at my boyfriend's house and we were just about to kiss. Until his mum walked in saying his girlfriend was at the door. I thought I was already there. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38857) - you deserved it (3660)
On 04/05/2011 at 2:48pm - love - by PMSL (woman) - United Kingdom (Northamptonshire)
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