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aperez95

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aperez95

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 22 February 1995 (19 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 125
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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I agree, their lives suck

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aperez95's favorite FMLs

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. She was on top, and then stopped, got off, and said, "Let's go get ice cream." I think this was her way of telling me I suck at sex. FML

#21199096
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44201) - you deserved it (8952)

On 07/05/2014 at 12:26am - intimacy - by bad in the sack - United States

Today, I was spinning some yarn around to make my new cat run in circles. After about 10 seconds, he stopped going in circles and went straight ahead, happily running several feet into the wall and knocking himself out. My bowel movements have more brain-power than this thing. FML

#21168476
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34794) - you deserved it (8480)

On 06/09/2014 at 5:45pm - animals - by jaqen h'garrrhghhgfgjhfuck (man) - France (Provence-Alpes-Cote d'Azur)

Today, my son got in serious trouble after he was caught trying to sell weed to people in the street. The good news is that the "weed" was just actual weeds he'd pulled from our lawn. The bad news is that at age 16, my son is too stupid to know the difference. FML

#21158441
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50737) - you deserved it (7124)

On 05/31/2014 at 5:30pm - kids - by idiot says "you raised him" (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I hurt my back, and now I have to lie on my stomach for twenty minutes every hour so I can ice the pain. My boyfriend won't stop using my ass as bongo drums every time. FML

#21127987
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40018) - you deserved it (6966)

On 05/01/2014 at 1:31pm - misc - by booty backfire - United States

Today, my guide dog sneezed so hard that it slammed its head on the floor and knocked itself out. I have to trust this dog with my life. FML

#21117679
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50381) - you deserved it (4429)

On 04/20/2014 at 12:03am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Idaho)

Today, I wanted to try seducing my boyfriend by having nothing but a t-shirt on for when he'd get back from work. He came home, saw me, apologized bashfully for failing to knock first, and went back outside. FML

#21097985
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42577) - you deserved it (6394)

On 03/27/2014 at 7:10pm - love - by oops (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while walking through Wal-Mart I noticed a cute employee. With a sudden burst of confidence, I walked right up to him, intending to ask for his number. Instead, I looked him in the eye and said, "Excuse me sir, how much do you know about bedsheets?" and then ran. FML

#21077619
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39777) - you deserved it (11038)

On 03/04/2014 at 4:06am - love - by booksandshadows (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I heard crashing noises coming from my dining room. I got up to see what it was; my asshat cat was flinging himself at my chandelier. He'd figured out how to grab the ceiling fan from the other room, build momentum, and launch into my expensive chandelier. Hooray. FML

#20929956
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44998) - you deserved it (4767)

On 10/22/2013 at 5:12am - animals - by IamAflyingCat - United States

Today, we went boating with friends. For some reason the bottom of our tube deflated, causing me to be bounced roughly up and down on the water. As a result, I had the most intense orgasm of my entire life, while sitting 2 inches away from my dad's friend. He definitely noticed. FML

#20862305
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56063) - you deserved it (5978)

On 08/31/2013 at 9:21pm - intimacy - by SplishSplash (woman) - United States

Today, I was video chatting with my boyfriend and his friends. When I stood up, he told his friend "See, she's not a twig!" I jokingly replied with, "So I'm fat?" After a few seconds of silence, his friend yelled, "It's a trap!" and left the chat. FML

#20825004
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43819) - you deserved it (13871)

On 08/07/2013 at 2:04am - misc - by ImNotFat - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my 10-year-old son told my 5-year-old daughter that we're a ghost family, and told her to run through our glass door to see for herself. She believed it, ran straight into the door, and ended up having to be taken to hospital. FML

#20813979
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54443) - you deserved it (5233)

On 07/31/2013 at 7:19pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Falkirk)

Today, while taking my boyfriend's virginity, he started moaning, "Oh God! Oh God! Oh God!" He then started crying and praying. FML

#20810724
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56080) - you deserved it (8791)

On 07/29/2013 at 11:43pm - intimacy - by JustSomeGuy - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend went down on me for the first time. When I didn't get off right away, he asked what he was doing wrong. I told him he was doing fine, but instead of focusing only on my vagina, he might want to pay attention to my clitoris as well. His response? "What's a clitoris?" FML

#20809292
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61047) - you deserved it (9105)

On 07/29/2013 at 3:54am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend and I were planning how to spend the day together. When I suggested we start off with some fun in bed, then get some pizza and play his favorite video game, he sighed, "Can't we just go straight to gaming?" FML

#20613403
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58212) - you deserved it (7824)

On 04/22/2013 at 4:16pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I put up one of those hanging fly catchers in my room due to the unsettling amount of flies in the house. I remarked how stupid flies were to land on them. Within an hour, I got up and walked straight into it. FML

#20609406
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22580) - you deserved it (42095)

On 04/21/2013 at 2:20am - misc - by Human fly - Canada (British Columbia)



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