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ape1321's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 11/14/2010 at 2:51pm / South Africa / Animals
by Anonymous / 11/14/2010 at 12:43am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend of 4 years told me that I appear to have gained some weight. After realizing that it made me feel depressed, he tried to make me feel better by making love to me. I decided to go with it. While doing so, he paused and said "I'm sorry baby, but your weight is too much pressure for my back." FML
by Anonymous / 11/11/2010 at 3:39am / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 10/30/2010 at 1:07am / New Zealand (Taranaki) / Kids
Today, while out with my boyfriend I accidentally let out a rather large fart. I was in such shock the only sentence I could make was "I farted." Clearly he was in shock too because the only words he could utter were "I know." FML
by Oops / 05/23/2010 at 5:21am / Australia (Queensland) / Love
by bumblebee / 03/13/2010 at 2:10pm / United States (Michigan) / Love
Today, I saw my boyfriend of two years had joined a group on facebook called 'Guys who are proud of their girlfriends'. I smiled and was about to like it when I noticed a comment below from a girl saying "Awww thanks babe :) xxxx". FML
by FBfail / 02/28/2010 at 8:10am / United Kingdom (Bedfordshire) / Love
Today, my family and I were discussing my birthday in a couple weeks. As they asked what I wanted, I told them it was up to them. So my mother suggested that she'll get me electrolysis so I wouldn't have to worry about my mustache in college. FML
by sexyyy / 12/07/2009 at 2:18pm / Belgium (Brussels Hoofdstedelijk Gewest) / Love
Today, I was in line at the grocery store with my 3-year-old son. He was holding a tub of yogurt that had on it a cow wearing sunglasses. He shouted, "Mommy, look at the fat cow with the sunglasses on!" To my horror, the obese woman in front of us turned around. She was wearing sunglasses. FML
by annonymous / 11/30/2009 at 1:59pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I put on my hazard lights, pulled over to the side of the road, and stopped traffic on a busy road to rescue a black cat that had been hit by a car. With everyone watching, I got a towel and slowly approached the cat. It was a garbage bag. FML
by TinyDancer22 / 11/25/2009 at 11:57am / United States (Florida) / Transportation
by yellowjacket_34 / 11/13/2009 at 12:47pm / United States (Montana) / Health
Today, I learned that being a twin really isn't that cool. After laughing at my twin brother for getting a speeding ticket he turns to me and says "It's not mine." Confused, I look at the ticket and see my name. He used my license. FML
by Twinner / 10/20/2009 at 3:03pm / Canada (Nova Scotia) / Transportation
Today, I was taking my morning pills. There had been a lot of fruit flies in my house lately. I grabbed a cup of water beside to sink to wash the pills down. As soon as I tasted the drink, I realized it was vinegar and dish soap used to trap the flies. I washed my pills down with dead flies. FML
by Maggie123 / 09/14/2009 at 1:07am / Canada (British Columbia) / Animals
Today, after picking up my 6 year old from school, he says, "Drew said his dad could beat you up." I told him that he needs to respect his own father more and stand up for me! I get home, look up his class roster and low and behold, Drew's dad beat me up in Jr. High. FML
by jeph23 / 09/11/2009 at 4:11pm / United States (Nebraska) / Work
- Today, I've spent nearly three weeks indulging my boyfriend's weird fetish, where he wears a hockey… Today, my husband and I had our first prenatal appointment. My doctor told us we shouldn't have sex… Today, I witnessed my roommate telling a girl that he has "really healthy shits". I wanted to make…