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apaloosa's favorite FMLs
by ipaid350dollarsfornothing / 03/15/2013 at 3:09am / Qatar / Miscellaneous
Today, my fiancée and I showed my mother-in-law a picture of the location at which we'll be holding our wedding reception. It's a beautiful waterfront building overlooking the ocean. She looked me dead in the eyes and said, "Looks like a good place to commit suicide." FML
by Anonymous / 03/14/2013 at 10:40am / Latvia / Miscellaneous
by DEATHBYEX1LE / 03/04/2013 at 12:01am / Australia / Love
Today, a colleague gave me an expensive box of chocolates for my birthday. I was surprised she spent so much on me, but didn't think much of it. Only when I got back home and excitedly opened the box did I realise the chocolates had expired months ago. FML
by Migole / 02/23/2013 at 8:42pm / Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen) / Work
by Forever alone Guy / 02/19/2013 at 6:07pm / Australia (Victoria) / Love
Today, I checked out a "confessions" page for my university. The first confession was from a guy who whacked off in a campus restroom then used a computer in a lab without washing his hands. I work in that lab. FML
by Anonymous / 02/11/2013 at 2:46am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by sarah6786 / 01/21/2013 at 9:27pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy
Today, as usual, my cat was sleeping on my stomach. I couldn't fall asleep so I delicately picked him up and put him down next to me. He got up, hopped back onto me, gave me a slap and then went back to sleep on my stomach. I didn't dare move all night. FML
Today, I came home to find my girlfriend crying. Concerned, I quickly asked her what was wrong. She told me tearfully that she couldn't understand why her pet lizards hadn’t grown into dinosaurs yet, and that pet store had cheated her. I’m still concerned now, but for entirely different reasons. FML
by whateven / 01/08/2013 at 12:45pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work
by Kate / 12/23/2012 at 3:24am / United States (Missouri) / Animals
by Anonymous / 12/19/2012 at 5:06pm / United States / Work
by WTFFAIL / 12/03/2012 at 12:06am / Canada (Quebec) / Health
Today, my grandmother threatened to kill herself with a banana. She then got angry with me when I didn't attempt to get the banana away from her. My mom punished me because I didn't take the situation seriously enough. FML
by DwarfFrog / 06/18/2012 at 7:38am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I woke up to a really cold feeling down below. I opened my eyes and saw my girlfriend grinning like a maniac and holding my crotch-sausage between two scissor blades. I screamed in terror like a little bitch, and she says I'm never gonna live this down. FML
by Hakimstah / 04/21/2012 at 1:38pm / Lebanon / Intimacy