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anth92

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anth92

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anth92's favorite FMLs

Today, I was taking a table's order. After I finished, the guy told me, "Just FYI, I'm not a tipper." Trying to lighten up the situation, I replied, "It's amazing how many people forget I handle their food." He complained to the manager that I'd threatened him. FML

#21268536
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25474) - you deserved it (5246)

On 09/30/2014 at 7:42pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my mom got genuinely angry at me because I refused to let her pop a zit that I had "promised" she could pop a few days back. She said with utmost look of disappointment that I'm "not a man of my word". FML

#21267417
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25902) - you deserved it (4258)

On 09/29/2014 at 12:31am - misc - by SystemofaBlink41 (man) - Puerto Rico

Today, I came home to a half-shaved dog and a laughing third grader. FML

#21267339
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27386) - you deserved it (3027)

On 09/28/2014 at 11:00pm - kids - by Anonymoose - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was sitting on a bench at the local park, eating a banana. A guy old enough to be my grandfather walked by, turned to look at me, then said "Young man, I wish I were that banana." He walked away, and I almost blacked out choking on it in shock. FML

#21265897
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32475) - you deserved it (3343)

On 09/26/2014 at 4:40pm - misc - by Operation Yewtree here I come (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I was asked to order a new lockable cash tin for work. When my boss returned to ask which one I'd selected, I said, "An 8-inch black one". Her giggle said it all. FML

#21265697
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28832) - you deserved it (5479)

On 09/26/2014 at 9:03am - work - by dicksonthebrain (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, as I was lying in my bed eating my dinner, my roommate says to me: "I don't know how to say this, but we need more towels. The room is flooding." FML

#21264230
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27171) - you deserved it (2226)

On 09/24/2014 at 12:10am - misc - by youonlyneed2squares (woman) -

Today, my date ditched me and showed up with another guy at the same restaurant. She even tried to take the reservation. FML

#21263789
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33884) - you deserved it (2202)

On 09/23/2014 at 12:30pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, I was having sex with this amazingly hot guy. Things got pretty intense, and right as I was about to orgasm, the gold crucifix came flying off his necklace and sliced my eyelid open. Message received. Well played, God. FML

#21262317
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36394) - you deserved it (5419)

On 09/21/2014 at 7:27am - intimacy - by Sinnersinner - United States (California)

Today, my fiancé and I were having sex in the early hours of the morning. He said "Morning sex is the best thing to wake up to." Without thinking, I responded "Yeah, unless you're in prison." He lost his erection due to laughing so hard and now can't look at me without laughing. FML

#21262210
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35722) - you deserved it (9304)

On 09/21/2014 at 1:11am - intimacy - by RuinedTheMood (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend asked me when I was going to shave my arms now that summer is coming in Australia. FML

#21261696
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29957) - you deserved it (5388)

On 09/20/2014 at 8:23am - love - by chubbyg - Australia (Victoria)

Today, while on the bus, a friendly-looking guy smiled at me, so I smiled back. He then pointed at my teeth and said, "You gonna get those fixed, or just keep them as a conversation starter?" FML

Today, I was eating a hot fudge sundae and I complained that the fudge was at the very bottom and I couldn't reach it with my spoon. My husband muttered "Fat girl problems." FML

#21260102
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36120) - you deserved it (11161)

On 09/17/2014 at 4:07pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my daughter came home in tears, completely distraught. It took half an hour to convince her to tell me what was wrong. What horrific thing happened to her? One of her friends wore the same outfit as her to the movies, and apparently that's a betrayal of their friendship. FML

#21258796
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34982) - you deserved it (3315)

On 09/15/2014 at 1:52pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, my girlfriend texted me saying, "I have some Durex and want your help" so I rushed to her house. She had meant to say "Duluxe". I had to help her paint her bedroom. FML

#21257403
90 comments

Today, I ran one of the hardest cross-country courses in the country. I'm a pretty good runner, and I was feeling confident for the first mile. Then the chipotle from last night's dinner hit, and my legs weren't the only thing running. FML

#21257129
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36056) - you deserved it (8440)

On 09/12/2014 at 8:19pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (New York)



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