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anth92

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anth92

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anth92's favorite FMLs

Today, I lost my wedding ring at work. It wouldn't be too hard to track down, except that I work at Heinz. If you find it in your mayonnaise, keep it. FML

Today, my dad asked me how I would feel about going on an all-expenses-paid, month-long holiday to the Caribbean. I was ecstatic and broke into tears of joy, saying I'd love it. He replied, "Yeah, me too. Shame it ain't happening!" then left for work, laughing his arse off. FML

#21220536
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35221) - you deserved it (6673)

On 07/25/2014 at 6:46pm - misc - by xXshitface4uXx (woman) - New Zealand (Bay of Plenty)

Today, I was doing a design sketch for work. I snapped a pic and sent it to my boss. She replied, "Impressive. Nice sketch too." I was drawing at home, naked. My dick was in the picture. FML

Today, I overheard my boyfriend saying to his friends, "I never knew what real contraception was until I saw Laura's face." I'm Laura. FML

#21219482
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34274) - you deserved it (3248)

On 07/24/2014 at 4:51pm - love - by I don't condome that, babe (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I asked my class of fifth graders to write down a list of all the compound words they knew. At least four of them put down 'motherfucker'. FML

#21218609
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35934) - you deserved it (4161)

On 07/23/2014 at 7:16pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I found out that my boyfriend's mother still calls his ex-girlfriend her "future daughter-in-law". FML

#21218491
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34132) - you deserved it (2549)

On 07/23/2014 at 4:57pm - misc - by Rosey (woman) - United States (Iowa)

Today, I went on Facebook. The third post down was a selfie of my mom looking sad, with the caption, "God I need a good dicking." FML

#21218442
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41436) - you deserved it (10909)

On 07/23/2014 at 4:00pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I got the, "It's not you, it's me" speech for the third breakup in a row. I'm beginning to think that they may not be entirely telling me the truth. FML

#21217897
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37222) - you deserved it (5996)

On 07/23/2014 at 12:09am - love - by swiggityswooty - United States (California)

Today, I managed to punch a customer's child as he walked around the corner just as I enthusiastically pointed his mother in the direction of what she was looking for. FML

#21217892
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36412) - you deserved it (3684)

On 07/23/2014 at 12:04am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my boyfriend reckoned that he has a better sleep when he falls asleep with his hand on either my boobs or my ass. I kind of just laughed it off. I later discovered he's 100% correct when he put his hand on my butt, and not five minutes later was snoring. FML

#21217074
8 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37358) - you deserved it (6249)

On 07/22/2014 at 4:44am - love - by and the truth comes out (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my boyfriend said we can't have sex with the light on anymore. He said he can never finish because the face I make when I orgasm makes him laugh. FML

#21216984
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30387) - you deserved it (22264)

On 07/22/2014 at 1:55am - intimacy - by teegtwo (woman) - United States

Today, I was out with my boyfriend, when he started browsing wedding rings. He found a ring, proposed to me right there in front of a crowd, and then was promptly denied a payment plan. We left without a ring. FML

#21216427
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49131) - you deserved it (4759)

On 07/21/2014 at 3:31pm - love - by badluck - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was carrying my four-month-old son in a checkout line. An older couple behind us remarked that I would spoil my son if I carried him everywhere. My son responded by projectile vomiting all over the wife, then looked at me and giggled. FML

Today, I was browsing the People of Walmart site, chuckling at all the weirdos on there, when I came across a picture of my mom. FML

#21214404
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48069) - you deserved it (6616)

On 07/19/2014 at 6:38pm - misc - by Death By Parent (woman) - United States

Today, my 3-year-old daughter asked me to carry her from the car to the house. I asked her for 3 kisses and a hug in return. She said she'd rather walk instead. FML

#21213512
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42793) - you deserved it (5933)

On 07/18/2014 at 10:56pm - kids - by kids say the darnedest things - United States (Colorado)



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