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anth92

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anth92

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anth92's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

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anth92's favorite FMLs

Today, my dad got over his aversion to tight pants, giving everyone at the DMV a good look at his package in skin-tight blue jeans. FML

#21402857
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21182) - you deserved it (1803)

On 05/01/2015 at 11:25am - misc - by Anonymous -

Today, I asked the man of my dreams out on a date. His response: "I'd rather eat my own balls." FML

#21399850
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31074) - you deserved it (3058)

On 04/26/2015 at 4:19am - love - by fuck you (woman) - United Kingdom (Sheffield)

Today, my husband came too soon during sex. He then tried to pretend it didn't happen and continued. He humped me with a half-erect noodle for about seven minutes before I finally called him out. FML

#21394468
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31575) - you deserved it (4893)

On 04/16/2015 at 1:04am - intimacy - by Evra (woman) - United States

Today, I took my 5-year-old daughter to the play place at McDonalds but I had to keep her busy, instead of letting her play. A mom was teaching her 3-year-old daughter how to pole dance, using the play place's poles. FML

#21393641
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28466) - you deserved it (2209)

On 04/14/2015 at 5:17pm - kids - by Pandistoteles - United States

Today, I caught my teenage daughter doing her laundry for the first time ever. She had piles of black and white, but then she threw them together in the washing machine. I told her blacks and whites were supposed to be separate, but she just said, "End the segregation, mom." FML

#21392458
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29461) - you deserved it (5030)

On 04/12/2015 at 4:57pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was talking with my mother. As we went to say goodbye, she said "I love you". Out of habit of saying I love you to my girlfriend, I said, "Love you too babe". FML

Today, I saw one one of my cat's hairs on my sweatpants and wanted to remove it. It wasn't a cat hair, but a pubic hair that has found its way through my panties and sweatpants while being still attached to me. FML

Today, I found my first bra and tried it on. It still fits. FML

#21388113
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31347) - you deserved it (3279)

On 04/05/2015 at 3:18pm - misc - by Itsbeen8years (woman) - Slovakia (Bratislava)

Today, I woke up my girlfriend up with a cute kiss. She was apparently having a bad dream and headbutted me. FML

#21386410
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26614) - you deserved it (2858)

On 04/02/2015 at 8:51am - health - by RomanceFail - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I was shopping with my boyfriend when we came across the most beautiful piece of Japanese furniture. When I inspected it closely, my boyfriend started laughing. Turns out I was making the same noise I make when I orgasm in reaction to a piece of furniture. FML

#21386402
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25315) - you deserved it (4146)

On 04/02/2015 at 8:20am - misc - by Repethetic (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, after telling my audience of preschoolers and parents that I'd been performing magic since I was a kid in 1995, a 4-year-old got more laughter and applause than I did in my entire act by gasping, "1995? You should be dead by now!" FML

#21380814
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26368) - you deserved it (2520)

On 03/24/2015 at 4:52pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I decided to confront my fear of birds when my friend's pet bird was walking up to me. He got on my arm, climbed up and attacked my face. FML

#21379871
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (724) - you deserved it (3393)

On 03/23/2015 at 12:42am - animals - by birdsterrifyme - United States (Missouri)

Today, it's been a week since I was dumped. I planned to stay at my apartment, cry and eat chocolate in peace. My roommate decided to have loud sex with her boyfriend in the apartment. She refused to quiet down, saying "My body, my rules." FML

#21379056
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28760) - you deserved it (3557)

On 03/21/2015 at 5:59pm - intimacy - by stoprubbingitinmyface (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend because I felt unappreciated. She found it appropriate to sarcastically say, "Oh no, how will I ever be able to open my jars?" FML

#21378617
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29908) - you deserved it (42)

On 03/20/2015 at 9:32pm - love - by tumbleshay - United States (Oregon)

Today, I sent my father a text asking when he was finally coming to meet his 4-month-old granddaughter. His response? "I forgot." He forgot he has a granddaughter. FML



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