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anth92

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anth92

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anth92's favorite FMLs

Today, my classmate commented on how quiet I am. I responded with, "Well, nobody plots murder out loud," trying to be funny. My teacher tried to get me arrested. FML

#21318752
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23038) - you deserved it (4444)

On 12/16/2014 at 8:54pm - work - by justjoking - United States

Today, I got a new downstairs neighbor. Herpes. FML

#21318606
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17193) - you deserved it (22327)

On 12/16/2014 at 4:04pm - health - by fuck - Norway (Buskerud)

Today, I found out my Nan passed away. My boyfriend came over to comfort me, things got intimate and we ended up having sex. After he came, he chuckled to himself and said, "That one's for you, Nan". FML

Today, my boss threw a pre-Christmas party at work. He always uses them to rant at us and tell us to be better employees. When the speech began, the alarm I have set for my daily birth control went off. It's the sound of an obnoxious screaming child. FML

#21316246
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25983) - you deserved it (6436)

On 12/12/2014 at 2:52pm - work - by driven_crazy (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my oldest friend got engaged to her loving boyfriend of one year. Meanwhile, I can't even get my boyfriend of more than four years to commit to a decision of what he wants for dinner. FML

#21316127
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26056) - you deserved it (3980)

On 12/12/2014 at 10:17am - love - by galladore - United States (Illinois)

Today, I got to experience the horror of my wife's pregnancy. She woke me up abruptly at 5 am by throwing up all over me due to her terrible morning sickness, then ate pickles covered in mayonnaise, and later dropped to the floor sobbing when I told her we were out of dog food. FML

#21315694
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32579) - you deserved it (4097)

On 12/11/2014 at 4:47pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was having sex when a cigarette craving came on. I don't know what's worse, the fact I asked for a cigarette break in the middle of sex or I last that long. FML

#21315600
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20566) - you deserved it (9571)

On 12/11/2014 at 1:33pm - intimacy - by cigarettes - United States

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend of 2 years after eating in a 5-star restaurant. She said that she wasn't ready and that she would walk home by herself, which she did. A homeless gentleman walked up from behind me, patted me on the back and said, "Bitches man." I cried. FML

#21315476
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35741) - you deserved it (2620)

On 12/11/2014 at 7:01am - love - by Brasilian29 (man) - United States (California)

Today, my husband sent me a link to an article titled "5 ways you are unknowingly destroying your husband and killing your marriage." FML

Today, I confessed to my roommate of 4 years that I'm in love with her. Her response? Sticking her tongue out at me and blowing a raspberry. FML

#21314515
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26495) - you deserved it (3451)

On 12/09/2014 at 4:19pm - love - by thatsnice - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, I told my boss I have a sore throat. He replied, "Well, don't take it so deep next time." FML

#21314442
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31169) - you deserved it (5239)

On 12/09/2014 at 1:29pm - work - by Anonymous (man) -

Today, being useless at thinking of gifts, I asked my boyfriend what he wants for Christmas. I said it could be anything that I could afford. He looked me in the eye and said very seriously: "Anal." FML

#21312610
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31398) - you deserved it (9438)

On 12/06/2014 at 2:53pm - intimacy - by fuckered519 (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I went to dinner at my parents' house. I was going to surprise them by introducing them to my new boyfriend. They decided to surprise me too, by inviting my ex to the dinner. Everyone was surprised tonight. FML

#21312253
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33662) - you deserved it (2461)

On 12/05/2014 at 10:35pm - love - by Michelle - United States (Maryland)

Today, I went over to my boyfriend's house to break up with him. When I got there, I got sent on a scavenger hunt that ended with him proposing to me. FML

#21312092
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35108) - you deserved it (5817)

On 12/05/2014 at 4:13pm - love - by hh - United States (South Dakota)

Today, my boyfriend bought me some feminine cleansing wipes for my birthday so I could, "get the hoo-ha spick-and-span." FML

#21309102
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30936) - you deserved it (4954)

On 11/30/2014 at 10:32pm - intimacy - by fishtacos (woman) - United States (California)



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