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anon3345543211's FML badges
I moderated this!
In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!
Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.
It’s in the can
Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!
anon3345543211's favorite FMLs
Today, I was out with my girlfriend at a club. As a slow dance began, a guy approached and asked, "May I cut in?" My girlfriend surprised me by saying, "Sure!" As I was about to protest, the guy cut me off and said, "Sorry miss, I was asking him." FML
by Anonymous / 02/13/2014 at 8:31pm / United States / Love
Today, while waiting in the queue at a supermarket checkout, my three-year-old daughter yells out, "Mom! Mom! Is that a man or a lady in front?" Embarrassed, I reply, "Honey, can't you see that it's a... it's a... a..." FML
by [...] / 12/12/2013 at 9:28am / France (Rhone-Alpes) / Kids
by Chatons / 12/05/2013 at 1:52am / Switzerland / Animals
Today, I watched a little girl laugh while giving bread to some pigeons at a bus stop. A bus then arrived. All the pigeons moved out of the away, except one. Its head got crushed by a wheel, and some blood splattered onto the little girl's shoes, who then screamed. With laughter. FML
by B_and_W / 11/21/2013 at 6:35am / France / Kids
by Anonymous / 07/16/2013 at 12:41am / United States / Miscellaneous
by heallven / 01/31/2013 at 7:26am / Miscellaneous
Today, it's been two months since I got a kitten. He loves to hide, and then surprise me by jumping out of his hiding place. It was quite a surprise when he launched himself out of my bag during class. FML
by Anonymous / 12/15/2012 at 3:52am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
by Karim / 12/12/2012 at 12:29am / France (Provence-Alpes-Cote d'Azur) / Love
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting heated, and he started to go down on me. In excitement, I accidentally drove a knee into his face. No amount of fondling his diddlestick made him forgive me for his bloody nose and swollen eye. FML
by Anonymous / 03/16/2012 at 4:23pm / Ireland / Intimacy
Today, at work at a gas station kiosk, a man requested a carton of cigarettes. We keep our cigarettes on a high shelf. I'm short and very large chested so I have to jump in order to reach the carton. He said, "I only come here for the entertainment" and left without purchasing his cigarettes. FML
by aprilmay91 / 03/11/2012 at 8:38am / United States / Work
Today, I went to see the new Harry Potter movie with my boyfriend. Feeling an intense need to pee, he decided to sacrifice a few minutes of the movie before the highly-anticipated final combat to get some relief. He went through the wrong door, locking himself out. Right until the end. FML
by Bisounours / 07/22/2011 at 7:23am / France (Rhone-Alpes) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was at the bakery I work at. A man came in to pick up a cake he said he ordered, but we could find neither the cake nor the order form. He yelled at me about being 'incompetent' before remembering that he had ordered the cake from a different bakery. FML
by Anonymous / 04/25/2011 at 6:38pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Work
Today, I hit a parked car which was sticking out in the road and practically unavoidable. I left a note on the windshield saying, "You deserved to get hit - you park like an asshole." Later I realized that the paper I tore to write on was the back of my bank statement, name and address included. FML
by Anonymous / 01/04/2011 at 3:28pm / United States (Georgia) / Transportation
Today, I sent a picture to my girlfriend of my erect penis with a quote saying "It's waiting for you." She responded with a picture of her left hand showing her left ring finger with a quote saying "It's waiting for you too." FML
by Anonymous / 12/07/2010 at 1:32pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
- Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my overprotective father. My boyfriend started out with, "Sir,… Today, I was undressing for my girlfriend. I thought I was being all smooth and sexy, until I went… Today, since I'm too ashamed to go buy a proper sex toy, I used an old Star Wars toy sword instead.…