This member hasn't filled in their description.
angrydinosaur's FML badges
You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.
Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!
Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.
angrydinosaur's favorite FMLs
by ellieowenie / 07/29/2012 at 4:11am / Australia (New South Wales) / Kids
Today, my grandpa told my mom that he needs to rewrite his will soon. I jokingly said that I was going to be stinking rich when he passes away. He retorted that he's never forgiven me for rear-ending his car six years ago, and because of this, I'll never see a penny of his money. FML
by Anonymous / 07/28/2012 at 6:15pm / United Kingdom (Warwickshire) / Money
by feminista / 07/28/2012 at 4:38pm / Guatemala (Guatemala) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 07/28/2012 at 2:29pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
Today, I was speaking to my mother on the phone, when she mentioned that my dad had surprised her last week with a pearl necklace. Before I could quite grasp what was going on, I'd popped a boner and visualised the scene. What the hell is wrong with me? FML
by clayton / 07/27/2012 at 8:30pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy
Today, I was at the mall, when I saw an elderly lady drop her groceries, so I rushed over to help her pick them up. She took one look at me, called me a "Liberal bastard," and shouted for me to get away from her before she called the cops. FML
by WTF is all I ask / 07/27/2012 at 7:55pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, my fiancée's OCD hit a new low when she screamed at me for flicking the light-switch off "the wrong way". This led to her flicking it on and off about a dozen times, followed by a twenty-minute lecture on how to do it "properly". We're getting married next month. FML
by Anonymous / 07/27/2012 at 5:23pm / Romania (Bucuresti) / Love
Today, I was walking home from work, when a clearly homeless guy who smelled like Jimmy Hoffa's colon grabbed me, pinned me to a wall, and demanded that I hand over my "booty". I don't know whether or not I was mugged by Jack Sparrow, but either way, he's now over £100 richer. FML
by Anonymous / 07/27/2012 at 3:26pm / United Kingdom (Midlothian) / Miscellaneous
Today, my daughter proudly showed me her new tattoo sleeve, which is made up of an angry cupcake, hemp leaves, and a My Little Pony character. She's almost 30, still unemployed, and still lives in my home. I now have no hope of her ever becoming a productive member of society. FML
by Anonymous / 07/27/2012 at 3:04pm / Norway (Ostfold) / Kids
Today, I had to turn down an offer of what seemed like some sexy time with a cute girl because my intestines were bursting with an intense desire to unleash molten lava. I rushed home to squat down, only to let out a disappointingly small piece of crud and a tiny fart. FML
by Jarman / 07/26/2012 at 1:39am / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
by Just Me / 07/26/2012 at 1:04am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, at work in a nursing home, I had to kill imaginary dogs in the lunch room, because they were evil and trying to eat everyone. This started with just one person seeing them, to all 30 of them screaming and freaking out. I spent 45 minutes killing imaginary dogs. FML
by justlittleoldme / 07/25/2012 at 5:05pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Work
by madmomma / 07/25/2012 at 3:46pm / United States (Oregon) / Kids
by Anonymous / 07/25/2012 at 6:54am / United States (California) / Kids
by Rochelle / 07/25/2012 at 2:14am / United States / Miscellaneous
- Today, I had a wet dream. The problem was that I was dreaming about watching porn. I can't even get… Today, I put some of my wife's eucalyptus oil in my bath to make it relaxing. I soon found out the… Today, I told a cashier I always bullshit with that I was getting a new tattoo. She shook her head…
- Today, I’m an au pair. The little boy that I take care of announced during a family dinner that I… Today, I threw up when I got home because I'd been drinking with friends. My parents asked what was… Today, I couldn't get into my car. I got mad at the lock, and my key broken inside it. It wasn't my…