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angrydinosaur's FML badges
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angrydinosaur's favorite FMLs
by Sarah / 08/17/2012 at 3:45am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous
by cardsftw / 08/16/2012 at 3:50pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was enjoying a romantic cuddle on the couch with my boyfriend, when he suddenly decided to lift up my shirt, stick his face into my boobs, and go all Darth Vader on me. This included heavy breathing and phrases such as, "Amber... I am your boyfriend." FML
by Amberain / 08/16/2012 at 11:16am / United Kingdom (Halton) / Love
by mdp624 / 08/16/2012 at 8:10am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Transportation
Today, I was at work as a lifeguard. The temperature was absolutely stifling, but I tried to tough it out. A couple of hours into my shift, I passed out, fell off my stand, and crashed into the water. Or so the medics tell me. FML
by Soap0015 / 08/16/2012 at 5:57am / United States / Work
by scarredforlife / 08/16/2012 at 12:05am / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was hanging out with my brother and his friends. While we were walking to the store, there was a loud snap. Everyone jumped. My bra had snapped, and I had to hold back tears of pain and pretend I was just as confused as they were, while they searched for the source of the sound. FML
by Anonymous / 08/15/2012 at 7:58pm / Australia / Miscellaneous
Today, it's garbage day. My mom accidentally threw away a receipt she needed to return something and told me to go get it. While I was looking for it, a cop gave me hell for "stealing recyclables on private property." This all happened in my front lawn. FML
by Anonymous / 08/14/2012 at 2:12pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, my cheating, psycho asscricket of an ex texted me and asked me back out. I said no, and didn't think any more of it, at least until an hour later, when I looked out my window, only to see him smearing a bag of dog crap all over my porch. FML
by WELLFUCKYOUTOO / 08/14/2012 at 11:02am / Canada (Ontario) / Love
Today, after sex, my boyfriend and I lay in bed for a couple of hours just chatting. This would have been lovely. However, his topic of choice for post-coital pillow talk was his theory about how Chewbacca is secretly the leader of the Rebel Alliance. It actually made sense. FML
by cl4ptp / 08/14/2012 at 8:17am / United Kingdom (Vale of Glamorgan, The) / Intimacy
by cclllc / 08/14/2012 at 5:06am / United States (Texas) / Love
Today, it's my birthday. Today is also the day my grandma died, six years ago. Since then, I get to sit through any sort of attempted celebration while my mom sobs and drinks herself into a stupor in the background. FML
by BirthdayFail / 08/14/2012 at 3:57am / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 08/14/2012 at 1:16am / United States (Nebraska) / Intimacy
Today, my son displayed an interest in chess, and asked me to teach him to play. Five minutes in, I captured his queen. He screamed "SCREW THIS STUPID GAME", slammed his fist down on his pieces, and started crying because of the pain. He's fourteen years old. FML
by Anonymous / 08/13/2012 at 8:55pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Kids
Today, it was my wedding day. Midway through the ceremony, my grandma, who's tried to ruin every relationship to date, stood up and shouted that "it ain't right", "you're too good for her", and claimed my fiancée has been cheating on me, before she was finally ejected from the building. FML
by impickingyourhomegran / 08/13/2012 at 6:12pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Love
- Today, I finally had sex with the guy I've been flirting with for months. Immediately after he gave… Today, I downloaded porn and saved it on my desktop. After watching it, I couldn't delete it, and… Today, I found out that pinching the tip of the condom before you roll it down to the base is NOT a…