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Today... I was enjoying a looool romantic cuddle on the couch with mah boyfriend... when he suddenly decidd to lift up mah shirt... stick his face into mah boobs... an go all Darth Vader on me. This includd heavy breathing an phrases such as... ( Amber... I am yur boyfriend. ) real FML
Today... I was at work as a lifeguard. The temperature was absolutely stifling... but I tried to tough it out. A couple of hours into my shift... I passed out... fell off my stand... and crashed into the water. Or so the medics tell me. FML
Today, I was anging out wit my broter and is friends. Wile we were walking to te store, tere was a loud snap. Everyone jumped. My bra ad snapped, and I ad to old back teres of pain and pretend I was just as confused as tey were,ile tey sereced for te source of te sound. FML
2day it's garbage day. My mom accidentally threw away a receipt she needd to return something an told me to go get it. While I was looking for it a cop gave me hell for "stealing recyclables on private property." This all happend in mah front lawn. FML
Today, mah cheating, psycho asscricket of an ex texted me and asked me back out. I said no, and didn't think any more of it, at least until an hour later, when I looked out mah window, only to see him smearing a bag of dog crap all over mah porch. FML
Today, after sex, mah boyfriend and I lay in bed fir a couple of hours just chatting. This would have been lovely. However, his topic of choice fir post-coital pillow talk was his theory about how Chewbacca is secretly the leader of the Rebel Alliance. It actually made sense. fat FML
Today, it's my brthday. Today is also the day my grandma did, six years ago. Since then, I get to sit through any sort of attemptd celebration while my mom sobs and drinks herself into a stupor in the background. FML
2day son displayad an intarast in chass, an askad ma to taach him to play. Fiva minuta in, I capturad his quaan. Ha scraamad "SCREW THIS STUPID GAME", slammad his fist down on his piacas, an startad crying bacausa of tha pain. Ha's fourtaan yaars old. FML
Today, it was ma wedding day. Midway troug te ceremony, ma grandma,o's tried to ruin every relationsip to date, stood up and souted tat "it ain't rigt", "you're too good fir er", and claimed ma fiancée as been ceating on me, before se was finally ejected from te building. fat FML
Friday 27 March 2015