About andyeatsworld : I have this thing for Giraffes... Oh and I have to rely on this to be able to not hate my life. Sigh lol.
andyeatsworld's FML badges
Why am I up so early?
You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.
An insomniac or a creature of the dark
You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.
You’ve used FML’s private messaging service for the first time. Will they reply? Wait and see…
andyeatsworld's favorite FMLs
Today, I stumbled across one of my son's English assignments. Apparently, he decided to submit a haiku about how electrical outlets are technically "whores" because they hook up with countless cords for a "charge." I don't know whether to be amused or furious. FML
by MySonThePoet / 10/26/2014 at 10:42pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Kids
by not saying it was whores, but... / 10/16/2014 at 4:32pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by longdrive / 10/14/2014 at 1:17am / United States (California) / Transportation
by Potforapeso / 09/30/2014 at 10:30pm / United States (New Jersey) / Kids
by Anonymous / 09/30/2014 at 1:45pm / United States (Oregon) / Love
Today, my drunk husband came home, got into bed, and started humping the body pillow. He ended up whining about how I hadn't come yet, then angrily slurred that I must be cheating on him. All I could do was stay quiet and wonder how the idiot even made it home alive. FML
by tw@ / 09/28/2014 at 11:30am / United Kingdom (Hertford) / Intimacy
by Katthebamf / 09/28/2014 at 10:25am / United Kingdom (St. Helens) / Transportation
by Anonymous / 09/27/2014 at 7:55pm / United States (New Jersey) / Health
Today, the day before my wife and I leave for our 1 year anniversary trip, I realized my passport expires in 2014, not 2015. Instead of a week's stay at an all-inclusive resort in the Dominican Republic, we'll be spending three days in Louisville. Three angry days in Louisville. FML
by dumass / 09/26/2014 at 10:23pm / United States (Ohio) / Love
Today, I was having sex with this amazingly hot guy. Things got pretty intense, and right as I was about to orgasm, the gold crucifix came flying off his necklace and sliced my eyelid open. Message received. Well played, God. FML
by Sinnersinner / 09/21/2014 at 7:27am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, my fiancé and I were having sex in the early hours of the morning. He said "Morning sex is the best thing to wake up to." Without thinking, I responded "Yeah, unless you're in prison." He lost his erection due to laughing so hard and now can't look at me without laughing. FML
by RuinedTheMood / 09/21/2014 at 1:11am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, my dad picked me up from school, something he'll be doing while my broken leg heals. He thought it'd be hilarious to arrive early and ask the staff where his "crippled" son was, loudly saying I'd broken my leg in a "masturbation-related accident". FML
by Anonymous / 09/16/2014 at 12:18pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Health
by cazzb / 09/16/2014 at 12:17am / United States (Virginia) / Work
by new dog / 09/13/2014 at 11:38pm / United States (Maryland) / Animals
Today, I ran one of the hardest cross-country courses in the country. I'm a pretty good runner, and I was feeling confident for the first mile. Then the chipotle from last night's dinner hit, and my legs weren't the only thing running. FML
by Anonymous / 09/12/2014 at 8:19pm / United States (New York) / Health
- Today, I’m a babysitter for a 4 year-old little girl. All afternoon, I attended Barbie’s murder and… Today, I truly understood that I was in Germany when, in my workplace, during our lunch break, one… Today, my university fridge is so small that the cucumber I bought doesn’t fit either lengthwise or…