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andrew240

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andrew240

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  • Number of visits : 342
  • Number of comments : 1
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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andrew240's page activity

Visits<b>josiemijn</b> - the 10/17/2014 at 5:28pm<b>cheesyfeet2001</b> - the 10/17/2014 at 2:40am<b>gerrittd</b> - the 10/17/2014 at 12:04am<b>myGRAM</b> - the 10/16/2014 at 10:52pm<b>ruckfules85</b> - the 10/16/2014 at 9:52pm<b>SoliDSt33L</b> - the 10/16/2014 at 9:14pm<b>cutycat136</b> - the 10/16/2014 at 8:22pm<b>parapara_vince</b> - the 10/16/2014 at 7:39pm<b>RainbowxxVeinsx</b> - the 10/16/2014 at 7:31pm<b>j_cat187</b> - the 10/16/2014 at 7:29pm<b>emmzy_em</b> - the 10/16/2014 at 7:19pm<b>kittykat8770</b> - the 10/16/2014 at 6:53pm<b>ea247</b> - the 10/16/2014 at 5:55pm

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andrew240's favorite FMLs

Today, I got on one knee in front of my girlfriend. I pulled out the ring, uttered the words "Lisa, will you..." then abruptly shat my pants. FML

#21271177
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40851) - you deserved it (5061)

On 10/05/2014 at 11:47am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was taking a table's order. After I finished, the guy told me, "Just FYI, I'm not a tipper." Trying to lighten up the situation, I replied, "It's amazing how many people forget I handle their food." He complained to the manager that I'd threatened him. FML

#21268536
207 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37466) - you deserved it (7554)

On 09/30/2014 at 7:42pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I saw my boyfriend wiping his nose with his hand and then using the snot to gel back his hair. FML

#21263839
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36399) - you deserved it (4255)

On 09/23/2014 at 2:04pm - love - by danceinconverse - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my dad picked me up from school, something he'll be doing while my broken leg heals. He thought it'd be hilarious to arrive early and ask the staff where his "crippled" son was, loudly saying I'd broken my leg in a "masturbation-related accident". FML

#21259401
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38165) - you deserved it (3335)

On 09/16/2014 at 12:18pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, my dad picked me up from school, something he'll be doing while my broken leg heals. He thought it'd be hilarious to arrive early and ask the staff where his "crippled" son was, loudly saying I'd broken my leg in a "masturbation-related accident". FML

#21259401
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38165) - you deserved it (3335)

On 09/16/2014 at 12:18pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She just grabbed the ring and said in a raspy voice, "My precious..." FML

#21250558
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41626) - you deserved it (7856)

On 09/02/2014 at 2:58pm - love - by anonymous - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my girlfriend took our prank war way too far and had a package sent to me at home. Confused, I opened it. It contained a dildo and a bottle of lube. I didn't know my dad was watching over my shoulder until I heard him choke on his coffee and felt it splash over my neck. FML

#21241836
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45677) - you deserved it (7605)

On 08/20/2014 at 5:03pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I tried skydiving for the first time. The professional I was attached to had a boner the whole way down. FML

#21237831
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50422) - you deserved it (4898)

On 08/14/2014 at 11:36pm - intimacy - by emmamrose7 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, one of my customer's pipes were blocked. As I went to unblock it, about a handful of used condoms collided with my face. I don't know if I should be disgusted by this or disgusted by my customer. FML

#21231545
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44027) - you deserved it (3842)

On 08/07/2014 at 5:09am - intimacy - by failallday (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, as I was picking up my 5-year-old brother from school, he hugged a girl from his class to say goodbye. His classmate's mom and I looked at each other, thinking it was adorable, until my brother decided to dry hump the side of his classmate's thigh. FML

Today, I picked up a co-worker from the airport. As she got in the car, she looked over at me and said, "I'm still not sleeping with you". This was our second conversation. The first is when she asked if I could pick her up from the airport. FML

#21187469
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49770) - you deserved it (5423)

On 06/25/2014 at 1:41am - intimacy - by headdesk (man) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I picked up a co-worker from the airport. As she got in the car, she looked over at me and said, "I'm still not sleeping with you". This was our second conversation. The first is when she asked if I could pick her up from the airport. FML

#21187469
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49770) - you deserved it (5423)

On 06/25/2014 at 1:41am - intimacy - by headdesk (man) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I took out my phone and realized I butt dialed my girlfriend and left her a 4 minute voicemail of me farting in an echoing toilet bowl. FML

#21158120
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45024) - you deserved it (8458)

On 05/31/2014 at 11:05am - love - by wendtinmypants (man) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I went out drinking with my tattoo artist brother-in-law. I was so wasted that I agreed to let him try working on me. I woke up with a tattoo of an animated marijuana plant smoking a cigarette. This'll look just great when I'm defending clients in court. FML

#21107817
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24043) - you deserved it (41775)

On 04/08/2014 at 6:04pm - misc - by not a dumbass pothead (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I was given a call home, a 3-day-suspension, and a week of detention in school for a "serious violation of the code of conduct." Said violation? Jogging in the middle of the hall. FML

#21107042
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38027) - you deserved it (4209)

On 04/07/2014 at 7:24pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)



Zach Stafford's illustrated FML

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  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

Friday 17 October 2014

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