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andrew240

Offline (the 07/31/2015 at 7:23am) | Search for a member

andrew240

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 1372
  • Number of comments : 2
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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andrew240's page activity

Visits<b>Hildy93</b> - the 07/27/2015 at 10:21am<b>CrAzYELF4</b> - the 05/10/2015 at 11:48pm<b>pockyyx3</b> - the 05/09/2015 at 11:45am<b>LyonDetreny</b> - the 05/08/2015 at 4:44am<b>MrConcise</b> - the 05/07/2015 at 10:50pm<b>geehel</b> - the 05/07/2015 at 8:39pm<b>Clam_igger</b> - the 05/07/2015 at 2:38pm<b>drumma_boi45</b> - the 05/07/2015 at 2:09pm<b>venomousflower</b> - the 05/07/2015 at 12:41pm<b>DARKDAY07</b> - the 11/26/2014 at 8:30pm<b>K_kanaka</b> - the 11/21/2014 at 4:59am<b>Dudebromans</b> - the 11/04/2014 at 11:47am<b>josiemijn</b> - the 10/17/2014 at 5:28pm<b>cheesyfeet2001</b> - the 10/17/2014 at 2:40am<b>gerrittd</b> - the 10/17/2014 at 12:04am<b>myGRAM</b> - the 10/16/2014 at 10:52pm<b>ruckfules85</b> - the 10/16/2014 at 9:52pm<b>SoliDSt33L</b> - the 10/16/2014 at 9:14pm

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andrew240's favorite FMLs

Today, I was on a date, and I tried breaking the ice by telling him my best joke. He laughed hysterically for a good 10 seconds, started beating the table with his fist, then suddenly went deadpan and said "No, seriously, you're a moron. Screw this date." FML

#21446581
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26631) - you deserved it (2743)

On 07/24/2015 at 2:54pm - misc - by HAIL SITHIS (woman) - United States

Today, I was studying for my Spanish midterm nonstop. After I closed my book, I was so tired that I thought that my cat was asking me questions in Spanish. FML

#21303629
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28606) - you deserved it (3285)

On 11/21/2014 at 11:36pm - misc - by Studying is for crazy people. - United States (California)

Today, I got on one knee in front of my girlfriend. I pulled out the ring, uttered the words "Lisa, will you..." then abruptly shat my pants. FML

#21271177
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45014) - you deserved it (5870)

On 10/05/2014 at 11:47am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was taking a table's order. After I finished, the guy told me, "Just FYI, I'm not a tipper." Trying to lighten up the situation, I replied, "It's amazing how many people forget I handle their food." He complained to the manager that I'd threatened him. FML

#21268536
207 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39381) - you deserved it (7800)

On 09/30/2014 at 7:42pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I saw my boyfriend wiping his nose with his hand and then using the snot to gel back his hair. FML

#21263839
107 comments

Today, my dad picked me up from school, something he'll be doing while my broken leg heals. He thought it'd be hilarious to arrive early and ask the staff where his "crippled" son was, loudly saying I'd broken my leg in a "masturbation-related accident". FML

#21259401
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38448) - you deserved it (3352)

On 09/16/2014 at 12:18pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, my dad picked me up from school, something he'll be doing while my broken leg heals. He thought it'd be hilarious to arrive early and ask the staff where his "crippled" son was, loudly saying I'd broken my leg in a "masturbation-related accident". FML

#21259401
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38448) - you deserved it (3352)

On 09/16/2014 at 12:18pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She just grabbed the ring and said in a raspy voice, "My precious..." FML

#21250558
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43396) - you deserved it (8734)

On 09/02/2014 at 2:58pm - love - by anonymous - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my girlfriend took our prank war way too far and had a package sent to me at home. Confused, I opened it. It contained a dildo and a bottle of lube. I didn't know my dad was watching over my shoulder until I heard him choke on his coffee and felt it splash over my neck. FML

#21241836
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50688) - you deserved it (9215)

On 08/20/2014 at 5:03pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I tried skydiving for the first time. The professional I was attached to had a boner the whole way down. FML

#21237831
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55473) - you deserved it (5647)

On 08/14/2014 at 11:36pm - intimacy - by emmamrose7 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, one of my customer's pipes were blocked. As I went to unblock it, about a handful of used condoms collided with my face. I don't know if I should be disgusted by this or disgusted by my customer. FML

#21231545
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44846) - you deserved it (3868)

On 08/07/2014 at 5:09am - intimacy - by failallday (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, as I was picking up my 5-year-old brother from school, he hugged a girl from his class to say goodbye. His classmate's mom and I looked at each other, thinking it was adorable, until my brother decided to dry hump the side of his classmate's thigh. FML

Today, I picked up a co-worker from the airport. As she got in the car, she looked over at me and said, "I'm still not sleeping with you". This was our second conversation. The first is when she asked if I could pick her up from the airport. FML

#21187469
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54250) - you deserved it (5930)

On 06/25/2014 at 1:41am - intimacy - by headdesk (man) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I picked up a co-worker from the airport. As she got in the car, she looked over at me and said, "I'm still not sleeping with you". This was our second conversation. The first is when she asked if I could pick her up from the airport. FML

#21187469
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54250) - you deserved it (5930)

On 06/25/2014 at 1:41am - intimacy - by headdesk (man) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I took out my phone and realized I butt dialed my girlfriend and left her a 4 minute voicemail of me farting in an echoing toilet bowl. FML

#21158120
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45273) - you deserved it (8486)

On 05/31/2014 at 11:05am - love - by wendtinmypants (man) - United States (Nebraska)



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