andrew240

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andrew240

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Monday 8 March 1999 (17 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 2234
  • Number of comments : 2
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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andrew240's page activity

Visits<b>PlumpDonut</b> - the 08/23/2016 at 7:31am<b>htlrddnthngwrng</b> - the 07/25/2016 at 1:51pm<b>NessieMonster188</b> - the 05/10/2016 at 3:53pm<b>K_kanaka</b> - the 11/08/2015 at 6:13am<b>MDoremis</b> - the 09/22/2015 at 5:01pm<b>Hildy93</b> - the 07/27/2015 at 10:21am<b>CrAzYELF4</b> - the 05/10/2015 at 11:48pm<b>pockyyx3</b> - the 05/09/2015 at 11:45am<b>LyonDetreny</b> - the 05/08/2015 at 4:44am<b>MrConcise</b> - the 05/07/2015 at 10:50pm<b>geehel</b> - the 05/07/2015 at 8:39pm<b>Clam_igger</b> - the 05/07/2015 at 2:38pm<b>drumma_boi45</b> - the 05/07/2015 at 2:09pm<b>venomousflower</b> - the 05/07/2015 at 12:41pm<b>DARKDAY07</b> - the 11/26/2014 at 8:30pm<b>Dudebromans</b> - the 11/04/2014 at 11:47am<b>josiemijn</b> - the 10/17/2014 at 5:28pm<b>cheesyfeet2001</b> - the 10/17/2014 at 2:40am

andrew240's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

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andrew240's favorite FMLs

Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her I was at my dad's house, she clarified; she meant her husband of one year, not my actual father who has raised me for the past 25 years. Apparently, he feels "left out." FML

Today, I told my son about wet dreams, what they are and how they are normal. Afterwards, he exclaimed, "It's kinda like when I beat off, except I'm asleep! Awesome!" FML

by BrandonDrapeau / 08/02/2015 at 10:57pm / United States (New Jersey) / Kids

Today, I was on a date, and I tried breaking the ice by telling him my best joke. He laughed hysterically for a good 10 seconds, started beating the table with his fist, then suddenly went deadpan and said "No, seriously, you're a moron. Screw this date." FML

by HAIL SITHIS / 07/24/2015 at 2:54pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I was studying for my Spanish midterm nonstop. After I closed my book, I was so tired that I thought that my cat was asking me questions in Spanish. FML

by Studying is for crazy people. / 11/21/2014 at 11:36pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got on one knee in front of my girlfriend. I pulled out the ring, uttered the words "Lisa, will you..." then abruptly shat my pants. FML

by Anonymous / 10/05/2014 at 11:47am / United States (Virginia) / Love

Today, I was taking a table's order. After I finished, the guy told me, "Just FYI, I'm not a tipper." Trying to lighten up the situation, I replied, "It's amazing how many people forget I handle their food." He complained to the manager that I'd threatened him. FML

by Anonymous / 09/30/2014 at 7:42pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy

Today, I saw my boyfriend wiping his nose with his hand and then using the snot to gel back his hair. FML

by danceinconverse / 09/23/2014 at 2:04pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my dad picked me up from school, something he'll be doing while my broken leg heals. He thought it'd be hilarious to arrive early and ask the staff where his "crippled" son was, loudly saying I'd broken my leg in a "masturbation-related accident". FML

by Anonymous / 09/16/2014 at 12:18pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Health

Today, my dad picked me up from school, something he'll be doing while my broken leg heals. He thought it'd be hilarious to arrive early and ask the staff where his "crippled" son was, loudly saying I'd broken my leg in a "masturbation-related accident". FML

by Anonymous / 09/16/2014 at 12:18pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Health

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She just grabbed the ring and said in a raspy voice, "My precious..." FML

by anonymous / 09/02/2014 at 2:58pm / United States (Connecticut) / Love

Today, my girlfriend took our prank war way too far and had a package sent to me at home. Confused, I opened it. It contained a dildo and a bottle of lube. I didn't know my dad was watching over my shoulder until I heard him choke on his coffee and felt it splash over my neck. FML

by Anonymous / 08/20/2014 at 5:03pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, I tried skydiving for the first time. The professional I was attached to had a boner the whole way down. FML

by emmamrose7 / 08/14/2014 at 11:36pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, one of my customer's pipes were blocked. As I went to unblock it, about a handful of used condoms collided with my face. I don't know if I should be disgusted by this or disgusted by my customer. FML

by failallday / 08/07/2014 at 5:09am / Australia (Queensland) / Intimacy

Today, as I was picking up my 5-year-old brother from school, he hugged a girl from his class to say goodbye. His classmate's mom and I looked at each other, thinking it was adorable, until my brother decided to dry hump the side of his classmate's thigh. FML

by TheKingKen / 07/01/2014 at 8:33pm / Australia (Western Australia) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I picked up a co-worker from the airport. As she got in the car, she looked over at me and said, "I'm still not sleeping with you". This was our second conversation. The first is when she asked if I could pick her up from the airport. FML

by headdesk / 06/25/2014 at 1:41am / United States (Hawaii) / Intimacy