andrew130

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Offline (the 09/27/2016 at 11:18am)

andrew130

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Monday 1 January 1990 (26 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 2205
  • Number of comments : 1
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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andrew130's page activity

Visits<b>melisssa87</b> - the 07/22/2016 at 7:33am<b>MistyKittyx</b> - the 06/23/2015 at 10:00am<b>Wizardo</b> - the 11/24/2014 at 5:27pm<b>PleasantDino</b> - the 11/21/2014 at 3:26am

andrew130's FML badges

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

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andrew130's favorite FMLs

Today, I had to give a reference for a former employee. I tried to say he was always willing to give us a hand on the job. Instead, I said he was always willing to give us hand-jobs. FML

by Username / 06/01/2011 at 8:35am / Canada / Work

Today, while making my son lunch, he pooped, took off his diaper, stepped in it, and then climbed to the gate to call for me. When I arrived, he had a big smile on his face and exclaimed, "Look!" Shit footprints were everywhere. FML

by heathersmorin / 04/08/2011 at 3:18pm / United States (New York) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my cat tried to kill me. While I was sleeping, he put his paws on either side of my face and laid down, covering my nose and mouth. While I was struggling to free myself, I could hear my sister laughing next to me. FML

by Michelle / 02/20/2011 at 12:45pm / United States (California) / Animals

Today, while sitting on the couch, my boyfriend came over, pulled his penis out of his fly, and started stabbing me in the face with it while humming the Jaws theme. FML

by Anonymous / 02/15/2011 at 2:28pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy

Today, my cat died while walking around the kitchen. He had a heart attack when the toaster popped out two slices of bread. FML

by Anonymous / 01/29/2011 at 3:09am / France / Animals

Today, I was making a snowman with my little cousin. I was collecting snow just outside the house, when out of nowhere a snowball struck me in the back of the head and caused me to headbutt the wall. I woke up a short while later to a medic telling me I had a nasty concussion. Thanks, cousin. FML

by Anonymous / 12/31/2010 at 3:46pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, the elevator got stuck in between floor 4 and 5 at my doctors office. I had been having violent diarrhea. It was the reason I was at the doctor. Elevator was stuck for 35 minutes. During that time, I diarrhea'd in my pants twice. There were seven other people in the elevator. FML

by Christopher / 12/13/2010 at 4:16am / Canada (Alberta) / Health

Today, I was in a public washroom and I had to take a dump. I knew how dirty the toilets were, so tried to do the "stand and poo." Unfortunately, I slipped and the poo fell on the ground. Then I realized there were no paper towels. There was a line outside waiting. FML

by sweet_stufz / 11/11/2010 at 8:30am / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, while my boyfriend and I were fighting in the car, I paused to take a bite of my burrito. Just at that moment, he slammed on the brakes, causing me to deepthroat my burrito. I threw up all over myself. He won the argument. FML

by serendipity1027 / 10/30/2010 at 9:40am / Love

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, my fingers got stuck between the wall and headboard. Screaming, he thought I was enjoying the sex and kept going even harder. I have 3 broken fingers. FML

by fungettingdressed / 10/12/2010 at 8:57am / United States / Intimacy

Today, after bringing my dog back inside, he started whining. I thought it was because he wanted his toys, but he was really trying to say, "Help me," as a torpedo of diarrhea exploded out of him, leaving a trail down the hallway. FML

by ukfan / 10/06/2010 at 12:01pm / United States / Animals

Today, I went to the beach with this boy I like. Not thinking it'd be anything more than a simple date, I didn't shave my downstairs. We were sitting on a towel and I laid down. Then he said, "Is there a squirrel in your pants?" FML

by Claire / 09/29/2010 at 1:59am / Australia (Queensland) / Intimacy

Today, I decided to dye my hair to freshen up my appearance. I asked my husband for his opinion, expecting him to recommend a color. He then asked me why going on a diet wasn't my first option. FML

by Username / 09/16/2010 at 7:27pm / Love

Today, I was at a red light when the guy next to me gave me that look people give when they want a street race. I won, but I should've seen the word "Sheriff" written on the side of his car. FML

by Our Talisman / 08/01/2010 at 3:41pm / Transportation

Today, my boyfriend and I were trying to have intercourse for the first time. One minute into it, he got nervous and farted. What's worse is that his fart scared him, and he asked "What was that?" FML

by Haley. / 03/26/2010 at 7:58pm / United States (Arizona) / Intimacy