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andizzle47

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andizzle47
  • Town/Country : houston
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits :
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About andizzle47 : Hey I like your face

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andizzle47's favorite FMLs

Today, my dad told me that I can't wear leggings on Friday nights, because, "your butt is too distracting for my poker buddies." FML

Today, I was giving my guy a blowjob. When he blurted out, "Oh Jesus" I assumed I was doing a good job. I looked up to see the expression on his face and noticed a look of terror. He was staring at my growling cat, two seconds away from clawing his face off. FML

#20514475
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34712) - you deserved it (4991)

On 02/20/2013 at 1:55am - intimacy - by jealouspussy (woman) - United States (California)

Today, after months of lacking intimacy in our relationship, my girlfriend decided to spice things up by covering her naked body with whipped cream. Except, we didn't have any in the fridge, so instead I had to politely lick shaving cream off of her while fighting the urge to vomit. FML

#20482358
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41987) - you deserved it (11614)

On 01/28/2013 at 12:03am - intimacy - by yourmainman (man) - Canada

Today, my hubby asked for a morning blow job, and I happily obliged. All was going great until he came and farted at the same time. I laughed and reassured him it was no big deal. He cried. FML

#20470929
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46065) - you deserved it (5562)

On 01/21/2013 at 7:36am - intimacy - by airbiscuit (woman) - United Kingdom (Cardiff)

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I grabbed his butt to control his thrusts and got a clump of used toilet paper. FML

#20465889
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50018) - you deserved it (4549)

On 01/18/2013 at 5:50am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I had an amazing orgasm. So great that the shortness of breath triggered an extreme asthma attack. FML

#20432803
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34796) - you deserved it (4447)

On 12/30/2012 at 9:45pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was using a penis pump for the first time. It was awesome until it sucked my left testicle into the tube. I'll be singing soprano for a while now. FML

#19949637
289 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10288) - you deserved it (37387)

On 07/17/2012 at 11:32am - intimacy - by tuggernuts (man) - United States

Today, I had this amazing dream that a beautiful girl was giving me head. It was getting really hot, so in my dream, I reached down to push on her head, but in real life I actually swung my arm down and punched myself in the balls. FML

#19918073
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15546) - you deserved it (32901)

On 07/10/2012 at 6:03am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, after having sex with my girlfriend, I jokingly held the condom above my mouth. Somehow, the condom busted, and everything went over my face. Worse still, we're now wondering just how safe this condom really was. FML

#19743887
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12259) - you deserved it (34269)

On 06/06/2012 at 12:02pm - intimacy - by Rob (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I said to my boyfriend that he makes the same noises when he smells bacon as he does when we have sex. Now everytime we have sex, he whispers "Bacon..." in my ear. FML

#19719748
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13596) - you deserved it (26607)

On 06/02/2012 at 6:24am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Northamptonshire)

Today, I arranged a romantic dinner for my boyfriend. His favourite meal, fresh flowers, scented candles. Everything went beautifully, at least until he wrapped an arm around me and whispered, "Want some dick?" into my ear. Mood horrifically ruined. FML

#19717228
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26277) - you deserved it (6123)

On 06/01/2012 at 7:50pm - intimacy - by dating a manchild (woman) - Denmark (Hovedstaden)

Today, my girlfriend stuck her finger up my butt while giving me a hand-job, promising it would feel really good. It just felt awkward and made me need to poop. FML

#19703392
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32813) - you deserved it (8325)

On 05/30/2012 at 5:46am - intimacy - by Brax (man) - United States

Today, my mom walked in on me masturbating. She didnt look away and we stared at each other for a while; then she asked me what I wanted from McDonalds. FML

#19547170
282 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31437) - you deserved it (8090)

On 04/29/2012 at 11:10am - intimacy - by ShadowJack - United States

Today, I bit my boyfriend's neck. I felt something squirt into my mouth. Turns out I had just popped a pimple on his neck. Into my mouth. FML

#361047
1199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (618551) - you deserved it (414680)

On 03/15/2009 at 10:20pm - misc - by KAAALIS (woman) - United States (New York)



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