About andizzle47 : Hey I like your face
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andizzle47's favorite FMLs
Today, as I was picking up my 5-year-old brother from school, he hugged a girl from his class to say goodbye. His classmate's mom and I looked at each other, thinking it was adorable, until my brother decided to dry hump the side of his classmate's thigh. FML
by TheKingKen / 07/01/2014 at 8:33pm / Australia (Western Australia) / Kids
by Wowthanks / 05/04/2014 at 8:13pm / United States (Colorado) / Love
by Anonymous / 05/04/2014 at 7:28pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 04/30/2014 at 5:51pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I went on a blind date at a restaurant. My date took one look at me and said pityingly, "Stuffed your bra, didn't ya? Seriously, why even bother?" The douche then started trying to lecture me on "false advertising". FML
by Anonymous / 04/27/2014 at 1:05pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love
by JustClaire95 / 03/17/2014 at 7:58am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I was giving my guy a blowjob. When he blurted out, "Oh Jesus" I assumed I was doing a good job. I looked up to see the expression on his face and noticed a look of terror. He was staring at my growling cat, two seconds away from clawing his face off. FML
by jealouspussy / 02/20/2013 at 1:55am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, after months of lacking intimacy in our relationship, my girlfriend decided to spice things up by covering her naked body with whipped cream. Except, we didn't have any in the fridge, so instead I had to politely lick shaving cream off of her while fighting the urge to vomit. FML
by yourmainman / 01/28/2013 at 12:03am / Canada / Intimacy
by airbiscuit / 01/21/2013 at 7:36am / United Kingdom (Cardiff) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 01/18/2013 at 5:50am / United States / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 12/30/2012 at 9:45pm / United States (Maryland) / Intimacy
by tuggernuts / 07/17/2012 at 11:32am / United States / Intimacy
Today, I had this amazing dream that a beautiful girl was giving me head. It was getting really hot, so in my dream, I reached down to push on her head, but in real life I actually swung my arm down and punched myself in the balls. FML
by Anonymous / 07/10/2012 at 6:03am / United States / Intimacy
Today, after having sex with my girlfriend, I jokingly held the condom above my mouth. Somehow, the condom busted, and everything went over my face. Worse still, we're now wondering just how safe this condom really was. FML
by Rob / 06/06/2012 at 12:02pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 06/02/2012 at 6:24am / United Kingdom (Northamptonshire) / Intimacy
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her…