Praise Allah. Him and His holy prophets. Amen.
Today, I was bored at my job at Home Depot. I got a bar code tattoo 3 weeks ago and thought it would be funny to scan it. I'm a $5.98 160z claw hammer. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14738) - you totally deserved it (64545)
On 04/09/2009 at 2:03am - work - by tool (man) - United States (Nevada)
Today, I was playing with my pet hamster and I decided to put it down my pants for fun. It started running around and I actually got aroused. My mom then proceeded to walk into my room to see me with an erection and my pet hamster poke his head out of the hole in my boxers. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19979) - you totally deserved it (165723)
On 04/08/2009 at 10:14pm - intimacy - by hammylove (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I was at a Chinese restaurant, I'd forgotten my glasses and had a migraine. I was straining my eyes, squinting and rubbing my temples to alleviate my migraine. I was kicked out of the restaurant and banned henceforth because my waitress thought I was mocking her eyes. FML
I agree, your life sucks (59241) - you totally deserved it (6652)
On 03/18/2009 at 2:22am - misc - by lemonjuice (woman) - United States (Maine)
Today, I texted my college boyfriend to tell him how terrible I felt about cheating. He replied saying he was so relieved because he had been cheating on me with a girl in his dorm. I was talking about my math exam. FML
I agree, your life sucks (190931) - you totally deserved it (20660)
On 03/16/2009 at 1:11pm - love - by gentileman (woman) - United States (Maryland)
Today, I went to my new doctor to establish the paperwork. During the questionnaire, she asked if I was sexually active. I said yes. She then asked, "what do you do?". I told her I normally did vaginal, but would sometimes do anal. She blushed and started to laugh. She was asking where I worked. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45793) - you totally deserved it (29896)
On 03/16/2009 at 12:39am - intimacy - by Noname (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I was out with my friend. My six year old daughter was also with us. While we were walking through the parking lot, my daughter asked me in a very loud voice "Mommy, does a blow job taste bad?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (56758) - you totally deserved it (10516)
On 03/15/2009 at 10:18pm - kids - by hala (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I was standing on a balcony smoking a cigarette when I noticed a woman giving me strange looks. When I put the cigarette out and went to walk inside she said "You shouldn't smoke while you're pregnant." I'm not pregnant. FML
I agree, your life sucks (49442) - you totally deserved it (8730)
On 03/11/2009 at 8:04pm - misc - by justfat - United States (Arizona)
Today, I was getting restless in my psychology class. I proceeded to stretch out both of my arms and hands into the aisles on either side of me, only to find myself with my teacher's package in my palm. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35116) - you totally deserved it (7341)
On 03/05/2009 at 9:29pm - misc - by dizzlewizzle - United States (New York)
Today, I was teasing my little brother. Later that night, I went to the bathroom to wash up. While Im brushing my teeth, my little brother slips a photo under the door that shows him scrubbing my toothbrush against his nuts. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33587) - you totally deserved it (16668)
On 03/05/2009 at 9:27pm - misc - by mr.palendrome (man) - United States (New York)
Today, in a very crowded public restroom at a sporting arena, after looking to the man using the urinal to his right, my 6 year old son turns to address me on his left and exclaims, "Daddy, that man's wiener is a lot bigger than yours!" The whole bathroom heard and looked immediately at me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (48351) - you totally deserved it (2026)
On 03/05/2009 at 8:51pm - kids - by SadDad - United States (Florida)
Today, my dad and a construction worker were having a long talk. I heard the door slam, and assumed that this worker had left. So I yelled out "Hey dad what were you talking about? Did you talk slowly so the idiot could understand?" Turns out my dad was the one who had walked out. FML
I agree, your life sucks (3331) - you totally deserved it (39536)
On 03/05/2009 at 6:26pm - misc - by anashaalmajiid (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I was sitting in class and I fell asleep during the lesson. I was wearing sweatpants and had an erection. My teacher came up to me and grabbed my penis. She thought it was my phone. FML
I agree, your life sucks (384682) - you totally deserved it (67370)
On 02/27/2009 at 2:52pm - intimacy - by jgondi1 (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)
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