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amoore02

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amoore02

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amoore02's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend came over to see me after almost a month of us not spending time together. Unfortunately, he came straight from bar-hopping with his friends and was wasted. He's currently naked in bed, cooing at his penis, and giggling like a little girl. FML

#20044244
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22865) - you deserved it (2960)

On 08/27/2012 at 8:57am - love - by kvdfan (woman) - United States

Today, I walked in on my fifteen-year-old son and his friends attempting to set up a rudimentary meth lab in his bedroom. I'm not sure whether to be angrier that they simply tried this, or that they thought burning up baking soda would somehow produce methamphetamine. FML

#20017485
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23765) - you deserved it (2376)

On 08/12/2012 at 8:49pm - kids - by JAdams (man) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I was digging in my lawn, trying to ignore the suspicious glances coming from my nosy fuckball of a neighbor. When he asked what I was doing, I replied with dripping sarcasm, that I was digging up the schoolkids I killed last year. Fifteen minutes later, the cops he called arrived. FML

#20015702
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30976) - you deserved it (8559)

On 08/11/2012 at 7:47pm - misc - by diggingaplotforone - United States (California)

Today, I had a chat with my husband, and I convinced him to try being more spontaneous to spice up our sex life. This evening, he burst into our bedroom with an eyepatch on, and "seductively" growled, "I'm gonna slay your pussy, wench." FML

#20015589
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14716) - you deserved it (38355)

On 08/11/2012 at 6:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, it's my girlfriend's birthday. To celebrate, I spent the day with her and then took her out to a really nice dinner. She is currently giving me the silent treatment because I didn't write "happy birthday" on her Facebook wall. FML

#20009566
295 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34380) - you deserved it (3730)

On 08/08/2012 at 1:15pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was at a Chinese buffet, and I got a fortune cookie. I opened it, and it said, "The love of your life is sitting across from you". The only thing across from me was an empty chair. FML

#20007961
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31715) - you deserved it (3001)

On 08/07/2012 at 4:13pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, while I was getting intimate with my husband, he moaned someone else's name. He actually tried to explain himself by saying that he'd had a "divine encounter," and while "possessed by the Lord," he'd been told the name of our future daughter. FML

#20003981
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35210) - you deserved it (2561)

On 08/05/2012 at 1:45pm - intimacy - by lils (woman) - United States

Today, I had to explain to my friend that being arrested isn't something a decent person should have on their bucket list. I had to explain this while bailing her out of jail. FML

#20002792
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16652) - you deserved it (1959)

On 08/04/2012 at 8:27pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my husband and I were watching Lord of the Rings. My husband told me he sees the eye of Sauron every time he goes down on me. FML

#19986172
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23457) - you deserved it (3413)

On 07/26/2012 at 10:13pm - intimacy - by LOTRfail (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend why period blood couldn't be saved and donated to the hospital for transplants. FML

#19986009
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22087) - you deserved it (2004)

On 07/26/2012 at 8:46pm - misc - by Carrie G. (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was mugged. Not for a laptop, cell phone or money, but for the cupcake I was eating. FML

#19984969
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24910) - you deserved it (2204)

On 07/26/2012 at 6:42am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia

Today, I came out to my mom as a lesbian. She told me that it was impossible, because since she isn't one, she therefore couldn't have given birth to one. She still won't believe me. FML

#19984576
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25604) - you deserved it (3424)

On 07/26/2012 at 1:04am - misc - by Just Me (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, everyone found out about the strange but intense fetish I have for women physically lifting me. It all came out when my friend, a female bodybuilder, decided to grab and pick me up for a laugh. I came in my pants, in front of about twenty people. FML

#19983416
248 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37652) - you deserved it (8095)

On 07/25/2012 at 12:51pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I told my son to go clean his mess of a room. He yelled, "Dobby has no master! Dobby is a free elf!" and walked off. He turned 18 a week ago. FML

#19983117
319 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25777) - you deserved it (12303)

On 07/25/2012 at 6:54am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I found out my late grandfather left me a significant amount of money in his will. I thought it was weird because he always acted like he hated me. When I got the envelope, there was $500,000 inside, all in Monopoly money. FML

#19961966
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34314) - you deserved it (2996)

On 07/20/2012 at 1:13am - money - by Rachel - United States



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