About amifaiyaz : I never know how to write these things.. pretty much a crazy cat lady in the making, I'm your everyday city girl living in the middle of a desert for a decade. FMLs make my mornings, right before I ride my camel to school.
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amifaiyaz's favorite FMLs
Today, at work at a farm, we got a new calf. It looked like it had to poop, but was having difficulty. About four hours later it still hadn't pooped. Turns out it was born without an actual butthole. It was there, just sealed up by skin. I literally had to cut this poor calf a new butthole. FML
by halliemarie1818 / 04/23/2013 at 10:01pm / United States / Animals
Today, I decided to be playful and leave my girlfriend flowers and chocolates from an "Anonymous Admirer". She immediately dumped me, saying she couldn't be with someone who "isn't even as romantic as a stranger". Yep, I think I just got dumped for myself. FML
by BestBF / 04/23/2013 at 7:22pm / United States (Nebraska) / Love
by iLynz / 04/23/2013 at 2:34am / United States / Intimacy
by Anon / 04/22/2013 at 3:19am / Singapore / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 04/20/2013 at 12:34pm / Thailand / Kids
Today, I posted a video of a dance I choreographed on Facebook. I got a notification a few hours later telling me that my grandpa had also shared it. His caption? "My granddaughter dances like a gay baboon and this dance sucks balls. Throw grapes at her." Thanks grandpa. FML
by thanks gramps / 04/19/2013 at 3:27am / Canada (Yukon Territory) / Miscellaneous
by rawdoglyfe69 / 04/17/2013 at 2:14am / United States (Montana) / Love
by Anonymous / 04/13/2013 at 9:14pm / United States (Texas) / Work
by ironies a b*tch / 04/13/2013 at 1:04am / United States (Illinois) / Transportation
Today, my racist, homophobic, generally degenerate grandmother visited. Within 20 minutes, she uttered multiple racial slurs, said Robert Downey Jr. will burn in hell for playing a black man in one of his movies, and yelled that she'd "whip the piss" out of me, after I asked her to leave. FML
by no tea parties here, gran / 04/11/2013 at 1:16pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by iwassoclose / 04/10/2013 at 12:32pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, I found out that my daughter has been stuffing my push-up bras and lipstick into her backpack, putting them on at school, and taking them off before she gets home. She's 9. The only reason I found out is because her teacher reported me to social services. FML
by Anonymous / 04/09/2013 at 4:42pm / United States (Illinois) / Kids
Today, I refused to go down on my boyfriend of 9 months. He then shoved me off the couch and, half crying, yelled that I was the third girl this week to turn him down. After sobbing for a bit, he looked me in the eyes and said, "I need you to do this so I can prove my manhood." FML
by saywhat / 04/09/2013 at 7:05am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
by dancekat / 04/08/2013 at 5:17am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
Today, I took an incredibly painful dump. After I cleaned myself up, I got up and was about to flush, until I saw something moving around in one of the logs of poop. It looked like an earthworm. It wasn't there when I sat down. FML
by what if I'm being eaten from the inside out? oh my god / 04/05/2013 at 2:51pm / Singapore / Health
- Today, my mom had to go to one of her relatives’ funeral. She came to borrow a black scarf from me,… Today, I’m a French teacher abroad, and as my beard has a huge hole near my chin, my students call… Today, I’m a bus driver in Paris. A guy got on with a sheep. I told him that you can’t take the bus…