About amelia_suhayda : I like cooking, music, hockey, and schadenfreude.
amelia_suhayda's FML badges
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You have put three pictures on your profile, not necessarily pictures of your profile.
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
amelia_suhayda's favorite FMLs
Today, it's the first day of fall. It's also the day that over 20 people have made jokes about my name being "Autumn" like they're the funniest, most original people alive. It's not even 8 am. This is going to be a long day. FML
by Anonymous / 09/23/2014 at 8:00am / United States (Florida) / Work
by madisonbubch / 09/22/2014 at 9:04pm / United States (Kentucky) / Animals
by mislead / 09/22/2014 at 12:43pm / United States (Louisiana) / Intimacy
Today, I was having sex with this amazingly hot guy. Things got pretty intense, and right as I was about to orgasm, the gold crucifix came flying off his necklace and sliced my eyelid open. Message received. Well played, God. FML
by Sinnersinner / 09/21/2014 at 7:27am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, my fiancé and I were having sex in the early hours of the morning. He said "Morning sex is the best thing to wake up to." Without thinking, I responded "Yeah, unless you're in prison." He lost his erection due to laughing so hard and now can't look at me without laughing. FML
by RuinedTheMood / 09/21/2014 at 1:11am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, I asked my dad to take me to the store so I could get some feminine hygiene products. When we got there, he went running down the aisles yelling, "Help! My daughter's bleeding to death! Where're the tampons?!" FML
by tbree / 09/19/2014 at 6:38pm / United States (California) / Health
Today, in a rush to get out of my house to go to a doctor's appointment, I closed the door behind me without having my house or car keys on me. Sadly, it took me less than a minute to break into my own house. FML
by Anonymous / 09/19/2014 at 4:58am / Belgium / Miscellaneous
by clairebear104 / 09/18/2014 at 11:15pm / United States (Kentucky) / Love
by immature / 09/18/2014 at 3:20pm / United Kingdom (Reading) / Work
Today, my girlfriend visited my restaurant with some guy I'd never seen before. She introduced him to me as her "new boyfriend". She was always a cold bitch, but I never saw this coming. I had to serve their food while choking back tears, and I couldn't work up the nerve to spit in it. FML
by Anonymous / 09/18/2014 at 3:32am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love
by compulsiveliarssaytheylikeme / 09/17/2014 at 9:37pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love
by KayEffEh / 09/17/2014 at 5:22pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love
by kitkat / 09/17/2014 at 3:48pm / United States / Love
Today, I got up at 4.30am, like I do every morning, and got ready for work. Just as I was about to walk out the door, my flatmate jumped me and beat the snot out of me thinking I was a burglar. Because apparently burglars shower, make toast and clean up before stealing all your shit. FML
by makeyourselfathome / 09/17/2014 at 8:18am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous
Today, I tried to scare what I thought was a stray cat away from my friend's car in our work parking garage by hitting the panic button on his keys, which did, indeed, make the creature panic. That's when I learned it was not a cat. It was a skunk. FML
by blazon_paradox / 09/16/2014 at 11:18pm / United States (Michigan) / Animals