About amelia_suhayda : I like cooking, music, hockey, and schadenfreude.
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You have put three pictures on your profile, not necessarily pictures of your profile.
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
amelia_suhayda's favorite FMLs
Today, I went on a blind date at a restaurant. While looking at the menu, my date said "Who even likes kweetch? Gross." When I realized she was trying to say "quiche", I corrected her. That pissed her off. Now I'm at home, alone, trying to decide which hand is going to keep me company tonight. FML
by left, I guess / 04/12/2015 at 1:00pm / Canada (Nova Scotia) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 04/12/2015 at 11:42am / Belgium / Health
Today, I was called a fascist and accused of being "racist" against poor people, all because some crazy meth-mouthed bitch couldn't afford some booze and expected me to cut the price by almost 40% so she could. FML
by Anonymous / 04/12/2015 at 11:18am / United States (Indiana) / Work
Today, I was working in the garden, when some fire ants ran up my shorts and bit me on an intimate part of my anatomy. My 4 year old nephew will not stop telling people about my rapid strip tease. FML
by Exodiafinder687 / 04/12/2015 at 5:06am / United States (Florida) / Kids
Today, I was asked to prom by the same guy who "accidentally" cut off a chunk of my hair in class and with whom I haven't had a conversation in my life. When I politely declined he said, "You'll regret this". FML
by scared4myhair / 04/11/2015 at 9:53pm / United States (Michigan) / Love
Today, while walking down the street, a cute guy approached me. We ended up having some drinks then heading back to his place and hooked up. Afterwards, I used the bathroom, and when I came out, he was going through his wallet and asked me how much he owed me. FML
by Anonymous / 04/11/2015 at 6:05pm / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy
Today, a guy tried to carjack me. Good news: I drive a stick shift, and the idiot apparently couldn't, so I still have my car. Bad news: he was so angry, he beat the shit out of me. I had to get stitches, and now I look like I went on a date with Chris Brown. FML
by Anonymous / 04/10/2015 at 2:04pm / United States (Florida) / Health
by PrettySureItsReal / 04/09/2015 at 3:38pm / United States (Missouri) / Work
Today, I went driving for the first time with my mom. When she wasn't screaming, she gave great advice like, "Stop at the red light" and "Don't crash into cars". I need to drive 50 hours with her. FML
by fedupson / 04/09/2015 at 10:03am / United States (California) / Transportation
Today, I overheard a large group of my friends and acquaintances making spontaneous plans to go see a movie that afternoon. I was the only person not invited. Normally I would have believed their excuse that they thought I was "sick at home", except I was sitting a few feet away the entire time. FML
by ifeelsoloved / 04/09/2015 at 2:25am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
by Heart-Broken / 04/08/2015 at 9:58pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Love
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. He was about to make me come so I lifted my arm above my head with pleasure. I accidently punched him in the eye, hard enough that he had to stop for a while because he said he felt dizzy. FML
by righthook / 04/08/2015 at 3:56pm / United States / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 04/08/2015 at 1:19pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy
Today, after pulling an all-nighter studying for an exam, I caught the bus to college. On the way there, the bus decided to make sweet love to a taxi, creating a pile-up and a traffic jam. I didn't make it to the exam in time. FML
by rUs7up1d / 04/08/2015 at 10:43am / Guatemala (Guatemala) / Transportation
by Darbstar101 / 04/08/2015 at 9:00am / Australia (Queensland) / Animals
- Today, while I was watching Miley Cyrus' new music video, I had an itch near my bikini line that I… Today, despite being 21 years old and living in my own place, my mom still managed to walk in on me… Today, after a night of drinking, I woke up with some chips in my bed. I thought it was funny so I…