About amelia_suhayda : I like cooking, music, hockey, and schadenfreude.
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You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
amelia_suhayda's favorite FMLs
Today, I saw a wasp on the ground, apparently injured and unable to fly. It was being mobbed by ants and looked certain to die, so I stamped on the ants to save its life. At this point it sprung up, stung me, then flew off. FML
by MBean / 10/24/2013 at 2:04pm / Anguilla / Animals
Today, while visiting my mother, she asked my son who his favorite parent was. As a growing boy, he chose his father. I don't mind, except she then asked, "So, whose side are you taking in the divorce?" My husband and I have no marital issues. My son refuses to believe us. FML
by he's still not convinced / 10/24/2013 at 2:05am / United States / Kids
Today, someone tried to steal my backpack from the hook on the bathroom stall. Good news: they were caught off-guard by how heavy it was and dropped it. Bad news: my foot is now broken from using it to cushion the backpack's fall. FML
by way2go / 10/23/2013 at 12:32pm / United States (Texas) / Health
Today, I decided to try LSD with a few friends in a safe environment. As an artist, I had planned to spend my trip doing psychedelic paintings and had all my supplies set up. Apparently I spent most of my time in fetal position muttering about the "evil easel" and never even touched my canvas. FML
by oldshitnewshit / 10/22/2013 at 5:11pm / United States / Work
Today, I got a call from an angry parent telling me that I'm teaching her son and the other children in the class "wrong philosophies". This was all because I explained to the class that Michigan is divided into two parts. FML
by Anonymous / 10/22/2013 at 5:02pm / United States / Work
by Anonymous / 10/22/2013 at 12:47pm / United States (North Carolina) / Love
by jdawn99 / 10/22/2013 at 10:24am / United States (Kansas) / Kids
Today, I heard crashing noises coming from my dining room. I got up to see what it was; my asshat cat was flinging himself at my chandelier. He'd figured out how to grab the ceiling fan from the other room, build momentum, and launch into my expensive chandelier. Hooray. FML
by IamAflyingCat / 10/22/2013 at 5:12am / United States / Animals
Today, I was assigned to fill in for a French teacher who was out sick. I had asked the class to name some French-speaking countries. I called on one girl and she replied, "Uh, Europe. That's, like, the only other one, right?" Nobody disagreed. I'm filling in for the rest of the month. FML
by :| / 10/21/2013 at 9:40pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work
by Anonymous / 10/21/2013 at 5:22pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy
Today, my dad came into my room, looked at my laptop, and said he could hear the porn I was watching all the way from his room. I wasn't watching porn. We soon realised it was actually coming from his mobile phone. FML
by Anonymous / 10/21/2013 at 3:07pm / United Kingdom / Intimacy
Today, I got a call from my daughter’s school today. She had been telling the teacher, "I have a huge boner." Apparently, some of the kids at school told her it meant 'headache' and she's been saying it all day. FML
by momaaa1342 / 10/20/2013 at 11:51pm / United States (Illinois) / Kids
by oh... / 10/20/2013 at 4:34pm / United States (Missouri) / Money
Today, a few of my friends arranged for us to go skinny-dipping with the guy I really like. It went really well, until a turd surfaced before our eyes. After we scrambled out of the pool in panic, my crush called us all freaks and left. FML
by Anonymous / 10/20/2013 at 3:56pm / United States (New York) / Love
by Teiu88 / 10/20/2013 at 10:34am / Canada (Ontario) / Health