Submit your FML story
- - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Offline (yesterday at 4:43am) | Search for a member
About amelia_suhayda : I like cooking, music, hockey, and schadenfreude.
What'cha looking at?
You have put three pictures on your profile, not necessarily pictures of your profile.
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
Today, I woke up to a strange noise. I looked over to see my drunk husband standing at the dresser. I asked him wat he was doing. "Peeing." I asked him, "In the sock drawer?" There was a pause. "Am I peeing in the wrong drawer?" FML
Today, the guy I lyk askd me what he should do fir the girl he has a crush on . I told him to give her flowers and tell her how he feels . Later that day mah doorbell rang, and he stood there holding flowers . He said the magical words, "My car broke down, can you give me a lift?"
Today, I walked in on mah daughter hugging and sobbing into her Edward Cullen cut-out. She won't tell mehat's wrong, yet she can confide in a creepy fictional stalkerhose facial expression is locked to "chronically constipated". Where did I go wrong? big fat FML
Today, I felt lousy and decided to give myself a pep-talk in the mrror. After a while, I cheered up and went about my day. I soon found out that my sister had recorded me through the crack of my door and posted the video on Facebook. I'm humiliated. FML
Today, I went on a blind date!! The guy greetd me with a "What's up, bitch?", which I wrote off as him just being really laid-back!! By dessert, he'd askd me if mah boobs r real, then when we finishd, askd how many more dates it'd take before I puttd out!! So much fir that!! FML
Today, I woke up with horrible pain in mah gut. It got worse and worse, and I startd vomiting from the pain. My mom said it was flu and that I needd to "man up." It turnd out to be appendicitis, and I'm now typing this from mah hospital bd. FML
my girlfriend decided to let me know that she almost left me for another guy not so long ago, because he was more handsome an talented than me. The reason she didn't leave: "He's out of my league; your not." FML
Today , I receivd a text from my dad , which was borderline-incomprehensible due to an insane amount of text language. I replid , jokingly askd if he had a stroke while writing it. A few second after hitting send , I rememberd the stroke he sufferd last month. FML
Friday 27 March 2015