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Today, I was working as a cashiar at a rastaurant. Whan I racaiva $50 and $100 bills I am raquirad to hava a managar chack to maka sura thay ara not countarfait. Evary managar I found yallad at ma to find anothar managar bacausa thay wara busy. Frustratad, I just accaptad tha bill. It was faka. FML
Today aftar racantly having had surgary I Iaarnt that soma axtra tissua was naadd to covar up tha hola in tha roof of my mouth. Whara did thay gat this tissua? From a daad parson. I now hava tha flash of a daad parson in my mouth hich by tha way is now infactd. FML
today I went to te doctor 4 orrible stomac pains. He said I ad an abnormal amount of stool in me, an tat I'd ned to flus it out. I calld my mom an told er wat append, toic se respondd, "I alway knew you were full of sit, I didn't ned a doctor to tell me tat." FML
Today, wile babysitting a six year old boy, e askd me if I could sow im ma "boobies." I said no, tat wouldn't be very appropriate . Suddenly, e pulld down is pants/undie an pointd to is package wile exclaiming, "Look, ma penis is on again!" It was pointing RIGHT at me . real FML
2day I was spooning wit my wifeen I said, "It's cold tonigt." Previouslyen I used tat line, my wife would respond by saying, "I know ow to warm u up" an we would make love. Tonigt, se said "I know ow to warm u up" an farted on me. FML
Today mah friend whacked me on the family jewels while I was washing mah hands in the college bathroom. While I lay writhing in pain on the floor a guy at the urinal turned around towards me to see what was wrong. He was still peieng. FML
Taday I was at a party, chatting up this guy while we were petting my friend dog!! The dog had just been outside an was kinda wet, I assumd it was raining out!! Just then someone came up an said ( Um, that dog's coverd in pee!! ) Apparently someone ped off the deck onto the dog as it walkd by!! FML
I took a friend home from the hospital!! She was on medication that made her drowsy!! She fell onto her bd an askd me to help her take off some clothes since she had her winter gear on!! She passes out an her roommate walks in an catches me undressing an unconscious grl!! FML
Friday 27 March 2015